Members Jgra18 Posted November 27, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2018 Is this thought that he will never experience the little things in life. Getting excited for something as simple as takeaway nights. Or getting a parcel in the mail. Waiting for those days where you can just sleep in together and not be bothered by anyone. I lose all of my happiness when I think about things like this. It’s like everything in my chest disappears and it’s just a void of nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brazil Man Posted November 27, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2018 On 11/27/2018 at 11:02 AM, Jgra18 said: Is this thought that he will never experience the little things in life. I comprehend you. It hurts me the thought that my wife will never eat the things she liked to eat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted November 27, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted November 27, 2018 But perhaps they DO enjoy these things and more! Being in afterlife I don't imagine to be boring, but something new and different to experience. I can't wait to experience it all with him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunshine247 Posted November 27, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2018 Try to replace "will never again" with a happy memory of when they DID do the things that they love the most. I beat myself up that Bob never got the chance to say goodbye to our house, our yard, our dogs, our cats, or to me, even. I finally had to just accept that it's because he doesn't need to say goodbye - he is still here with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ModHerc Posted November 27, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted November 27, 2018 I understand. Missing them in daily life is awful, and even when my routine changes, the thoughts of what it would be like if she were here lingers. Walking through my new house, thinking how much she would have liked it. Looking at the walls and knowing she would have known the exact right pictures to hang there, or what color she would have wanted to paint the kitchen. I got a new job that gives me more free time, early lunches that I should have been able to meet her for, instead now eaten at her grave site. I finally have the time to share and now have no one to share it with, or at least not the person I want to share it with. It is a hard journey we are on. The way I've found to move through it is to do my best to enjoy those things for her. I'm the type of guy that never cared what color the curtains were. With the new house, I actually researched interior decorating, came up with color schemes, hung art on the wall, and all the rest. I still can't figure out what I want to do with the bay window. The decorating is to my tastes, she would hate how drab it is. She painted one of her ceilings a bright red, and I have gone with white walls and espresso hardwood almost everywhere, with small splashes of accent colors. It is more about celebrating what she loved, not about trying to make it a reflection of what she would have done. At the start, one of the things I found most helpful was to make a place specifically to sit and talk to her. I pulled two of her lawn chairs to a corner of the deck, decorated it a bit with some of the things she loved like a potted plant with these horrible flamingo lawn decorations in it, and would go there frequently to just sit and tell her about my day. I'd fix myself a cup of coffee and bring her a cup just the way she liked it and set it in the second chair. The neighbors probably thought I was losing it, talking to a pair of plastic flamingos, but one of the few good parts of this experience is that I now care a lot less about what other people think. I of course talked to her at other times and places as well, but having a specific place devoted to it really gave me an outlet for my grief. Hoping you find some peace in the chaos, Herc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jgra18 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2018 4 hours ago, KayC said: But perhaps they DO enjoy these things and more! Being in afterlife I don't imagine to be boring, but something new and different to experience. I can't wait to experience it all with him! Me either, so many people have lost the better half of themselves, just like us and they’ve all gone somewhere.. what a party it must must be! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jgra18 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2018 2 hours ago, Sunshine247 said: Try to replace "will never again" with a happy memory of when they DID do the things that they love the most. I beat myself up that Bob never got the chance to say goodbye to our house, our yard, our dogs, our cats, or to me, even. I finally had to just accept that it's because he doesn't need to say goodbye - he is still here with us. I’m thankful that I got a goodbye. I’m so thankful. He would still be here, but he’s not shown it to me yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jgra18 Posted November 27, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2018 1 hour ago, Herc said: I understand. Missing them in daily life is awful, and even when my routine changes, the thoughts of what it would be like if she were here lingers. Walking through my new house, thinking how much she would have liked it. Looking at the walls and knowing she would have known the exact right pictures to hang there, or what color she would have wanted to paint the kitchen. I got a new job that gives me more free time, early lunches that I should have been able to meet her for, instead now eaten at her grave site. I finally have the time to share and now have no one to share it with, or at least not the person I want to share it with. It is a hard journey we are on. The way I've found to move through it is to do my best to enjoy those things for her. I'm the type of guy that never cared what color the curtains were. With the new house, I actually researched interior decorating, came up with color schemes, hung art on the wall, and all the rest. I still can't figure out what I want to do with the bay window. The decorating is to my tastes, she would hate how drab it is. She painted one of her ceilings a bright red, and I have gone with white walls and espresso hardwood almost everywhere, with small splashes of accent colors. It is more about celebrating what she loved, not about trying to make it a reflection of what she would have done. At the start, one of the things I found most helpful was to make a place specifically to sit and talk to her. I pulled two of her lawn chairs to a corner of the deck, decorated it a bit with some of the things she loved like a potted plant with these horrible flamingo lawn decorations in it, and would go there frequently to just sit and tell her about my day. I'd fix myself a cup of coffee and bring her a cup just the way she liked it and set it in the second chair. The neighbors probably thought I was losing it, talking to a pair of plastic flamingos, but one of the few good parts of this experience is that I now care a lot less about what other people think. I of course talked to her at other times and places as well, but having a specific place devoted to it really gave me an outlet for my grief. Hoping you find some peace in the chaos, Herc I feel so hard for you, Herc. When he left I got left with everything of his.. I hardly owned anything as I’m quite young and he had a lot of belongings. So it’s myself in a sea of his things. But he always wanted me to be prepared and set up for his eventual passing.. I guess he did his job. I do write to him every month on a Tuesday.. Tuesday is the day that it happened. Most people hte Monday’s, but Tuesday’s are my curse! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKatB Posted November 28, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2018 There are times when I feel like my husband is with me, watching over me. I Am Always Here. When you feel the smallest of breezes it comes from my wings as I come close to give you a kiss. I may not be here in person but my spirit hovers close by as I watch over you. Remember you are loved. KB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted November 28, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2018 This is a very difficult and painful journey. My thoughts are deeply with you. We miss so many things...…. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michelene Posted November 28, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2018 13 hours ago, Herc said: At the start, one of the things I found most helpful was to make a place specifically to sit and talk to her. I pulled two of her lawn chairs to a corner of the deck, decorated it a bit with some of the things she loved like a potted plant with these horrible flamingo lawn decorations in it, and would go there frequently to just sit and tell her about my day. I'd fix myself a cup of coffee and bring her a cup just the way she liked it and set it in the second chair. The neighbors probably thought I was losing it, talking to a pair of plastic flamingos, but one of the few good parts of this experience is that I now care a lot less about what other people think. I of course talked to her at other times and places as well, but having a specific place devoted to it really gave me an outlet for my grief. Hoping you find some peace in the chaos, Herc I like this story--all of it. I too have a special place I talk to my husband, although I talk to him at other times...walking into work, I'm sure I look like I am a crazy street person, but nowadays, maybe they think I'm singing along with something since everyone appears to be talking to themselves nowadays... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted November 28, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2018 19 hours ago, Herc said: I understand. Missing them in daily life is awful, and even when my routine changes, the thoughts of what it would be like if she were here lingers. Walking through my new house, thinking how much she would have liked it. Looking at the walls and knowing she would have known the exact right pictures to hang there, or what color she would have wanted to paint the kitchen. I got a new job that gives me more free time, early lunches that I should have been able to meet her for, instead now eaten at her grave site. I finally have the time to share and now have no one to share it with, or at least not the person I want to share it with. It is a hard journey we are on. The way I've found to move through it is to do my best to enjoy those things for her. I'm the type of guy that never cared what color the curtains were. With the new house, I actually researched interior decorating, came up with color schemes, hung art on the wall, and all the rest. I still can't figure out what I want to do with the bay window. The decorating is to my tastes, she would hate how drab it is. She painted one of her ceilings a bright red, and I have gone with white walls and espresso hardwood almost everywhere, with small splashes of accent colors. It is more about celebrating what she loved, not about trying to make it a reflection of what she would have done. At the start, one of the things I found most helpful was to make a place specifically to sit and talk to her. I pulled two of her lawn chairs to a corner of the deck, decorated it a bit with some of the things she loved like a potted plant with these horrible flamingo lawn decorations in it, and would go there frequently to just sit and tell her about my day. I'd fix myself a cup of coffee and bring her a cup just the way she liked it and set it in the second chair. The neighbors probably thought I was losing it, talking to a pair of plastic flamingos, but one of the few good parts of this experience is that I now care a lot less about what other people think. I of course talked to her at other times and places as well, but having a specific place devoted to it really gave me an outlet for my grief. Hoping you find some peace in the chaos, Herc @Herc love how you are processing this. You bring our losses into the present! You share how you are creating ways that are uplifting in maintaining that spirit. Carrying her love within your soul as you are living it today. Thank You!!!! I still have all my candles going. They keep his energy flowing throughout the house. Not needed as much in the summer with the fresh air and all the beauty the universe has to offer. They also are my special meeting places where are conversations flow...even through my sobs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted November 28, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted November 28, 2018 20 hours ago, Herc said: I understand. Missing them in daily life is awful, and even when my routine changes, the thoughts of what it would be like if she were here lingers. Walking through my new house, thinking how much she would have liked it. Looking at the walls and knowing she would have known the exact right pictures to hang there, or what color she would have wanted to paint the kitchen. I got a new job that gives me more free time, early lunches that I should have been able to meet her for, instead now eaten at her grave site. I finally have the time to share and now have no one to share it with, or at least not the person I want to share it with. It is a hard journey we are on. The way I've found to move through it is to do my best to enjoy those things for her. I'm the type of guy that never cared what color the curtains were. With the new house, I actually researched interior decorating, came up with color schemes, hung art on the wall, and all the rest. I still can't figure out what I want to do with the bay window. The decorating is to my tastes, she would hate how drab it is. She painted one of her ceilings a bright red, and I have gone with white walls and espresso hardwood almost everywhere, with small splashes of accent colors. It is more about celebrating what she loved, not about trying to make it a reflection of what she would have done. At the start, one of the things I found most helpful was to make a place specifically to sit and talk to her. I pulled two of her lawn chairs to a corner of the deck, decorated it a bit with some of the things she loved like a potted plant with these horrible flamingo lawn decorations in it, and would go there frequently to just sit and tell her about my day. I'd fix myself a cup of coffee and bring her a cup just the way she liked it and set it in the second chair. The neighbors probably thought I was losing it, talking to a pair of plastic flamingos, but one of the few good parts of this experience is that I now care a lot less about what other people think. I of course talked to her at other times and places as well, but having a specific place devoted to it really gave me an outlet for my grief. Hoping you find some peace in the chaos, Herc Oh Herc, I so love this post! I like that you are enjoying things for her. I laughed out loud at the neighbors thinking you're losing it, talking to plastic flamingos. Not sure as I could go so far as to install flamingos, but whatever works! Just kidding you. It's a good thing I live in the country where no one can see me talking to George or how I carry out my day, they would have hauled me off long ago! One good thing about living with my dog and cat is, they seem not to notice something's amiss and put up with me just the way I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeannC45 Posted November 28, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2018 20 hours ago, Herc said: I understand. Missing them in daily life is awful, and even when my routine changes, the thoughts of what it would be like if she were here lingers. Walking through my new house, thinking how much she would have liked it. Looking at the walls and knowing she would have known the exact right pictures to hang there, or what color she would have wanted to paint the kitchen. I got a new job that gives me more free time, early lunches that I should have been able to meet her for, instead now eaten at her grave site. I finally have the time to share and now have no one to share it with, or at least not the person I want to share it with. It is a hard journey we are on. The way I've found to move through it is to do my best to enjoy those things for her. I'm the type of guy that never cared what color the curtains were. With the new house, I actually researched interior decorating, came up with color schemes, hung art on the wall, and all the rest. I still can't figure out what I want to do with the bay window. The decorating is to my tastes, she would hate how drab it is. She painted one of her ceilings a bright red, and I have gone with white walls and espresso hardwood almost everywhere, with small splashes of accent colors. It is more about celebrating what she loved, not about trying to make it a reflection of what she would have done. At the start, one of the things I found most helpful was to make a place specifically to sit and talk to her. I pulled two of her lawn chairs to a corner of the deck, decorated it a bit with some of the things she loved like a potted plant with these horrible flamingo lawn decorations in it, and would go there frequently to just sit and tell her about my day. I'd fix myself a cup of coffee and bring her a cup just the way she liked it and set it in the second chair. The neighbors probably thought I was losing it, talking to a pair of plastic flamingos, but one of the few good parts of this experience is that I now care a lot less about what other people think. I of course talked to her at other times and places as well, but having a specific place devoted to it really gave me an outlet for my grief. Hoping you find some peace in the chaos, Herc I love this so much....I too laughed out loud when you described sitting by the plastic flamingos. Oh....LOL...I just love that. I have been driving in my car and literally turned the radio down to have a full on conversation with my husband. I talk to him all the time. I think people driving by that see me talking away probably think I am using a hands-free phone but on the contrary I am having a heart to heart with my husband in heaven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.