Members Wesp Posted November 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 1, 2018 Hello, I'm 58, an only child, never married and have no children. I took care of everyone in the family until their deaths. It's been four years since I lost mom and 16 years for dad. Grandparents and most uncles and aunts are gone too. I find this extremely hard to cope with on a daily basis. I'm living in the family home and I find myself talking to my parents as if they can hear me. Is this is bad sign? Or is it just a way to cope? I would appreciate any input. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gem 27 Posted November 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 1, 2018 I'm sorry Wesp, it must be so hard to be alone at this point, and to go through losing so many people you cared about. I think speaking to our departed loved ones is a healthy thing, I do it to. My dad died about 2 months ago and I talk to him often. It makes me feel better, and because we were so close, I know pretty much how he would have answered me anyway! So it's a comfort. I believe he lives on, and can hear me, so why not talk to him? I also carry his picture in my robe pocket. Now maybe that is weird, but I like to see his face every now and then when I need to. Whatever helps us miss them less is a good thing I believe. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nuvar Posted November 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 2, 2018 im quite like u, only younger and im taking care of my dad who has dementia. generally, if u do a google, u will realise u're not alone. people cope differently, u might wish to talk to a grief counsellor/psychiatrist to see if they can help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted November 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 2, 2018 Dear Wesp, It is normal and natural to want to continue talking to our parents. It is one way for us to continue the bond. And if it helps you and makes you feel better that is perfectly okay. I found this website very helpful. AgingCare.com So many adult children who are caregivers to their elderly parents and family members. But then also struggling with the loss. It is a great resource for support and understanding. Take your time. It is difficult to think we have spent our whole lives caring for our loved ones and then finding one day we have to adapt to a new reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Wesp Posted November 2, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted November 2, 2018 Thanks everyone for the support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted November 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2018 I do it to. I’m in my parents house without them. I’m the caretaker for everyone, always have been. I think it’s completely normal and a coping mechanism. Blessings to you on your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Wesp Posted November 3, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2018 Most days I just feel that I have no purpose anymore. I have to force myself to get out and do things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nuvar Posted November 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2018 49 minutes ago, Wesp said: Most days I just feel that I have no purpose anymore. I have to force myself to get out and do things. yes I know. Perhaps if you are religious can join in some of the activities. If not, why not participate in community activities and do something for the less privileged? Im not sure if that is a good way for you to cope. Or to get a hobby/passion. I know it's tough because Im in a similar situation (many of us are). Perhaps if I could put it this way, how would those who have departed would have liked you to live? Perhaps there is something or things they wanted to do but never got to do, so you can help fulfill them. Or perhaps you have not lived your life to the max and they would want you to do so. I know it's easy to type it out but hard to do (find a purpose), I regress often too Please stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tessa Posted November 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2018 Hi Wesp, Do you have a pet? A pet dog/cat can make a difference to the loneliness. The puppy/kitten will give you something to look after and take your mind off the loneliness. nuvar's suggestions are good ideas. It is lonely now and I don't have a purpose in life anymore. But we must go on. So I just keep finding things to do, nothing important, nothing of any use, just activities to fill the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted November 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 3, 2018 It is so hard after being a caregiver for so long. I too struggle with finding a purpose and reason to get out of the house. Keep taking it moment by moment. Baby steps. Just getting up and making breakfast, doing a few errands is enough for now. Take your time to explore and to find new things to do. I know I tried new things and it just didn't feel natural. I cried a lot and still struggle but I keep at it. Please know we are all with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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