How

[Sheena0426]

Why do i feel like crazy. I have been thinking about him constantly these days. The thought of those difficult times we have endured together and his abrupt passing make me cry so hard. Although i know i need to control my mind, seems like i cant get over those times and it keeps on playing back everytime. I keep on sending him messages telling how much i love and will always be loving him. It's been almost 2 months since the day he left me. I often feel numb, sad, bitter, lonely all the same time. I pretend to be okay in front of others but deep inside im all crushed. At 29, i should have been living my life with him. But it seems like im doing the opposite. Starting from scratch and back to one. I cant even figure out my direction and sense of purpose. I wake up, go to work, pretending to wear a happy face, go home and repeat. I feel like im a zombie. Thinking about the future makes my heart ache, literally. I just feel so heavy right now. 

[Brazil Man]

1 hour ago, Sheena0426 said:

I keep on sending him messages telling how much i love and will always be loving him. It's been almost 2 months since the day he left me.

I am sorry for your loss. It's been more than 4 months since I lost my wife to lung cancer. I also cry every day and all I can say is "It hurts".

 

[KayC]

It just doesn't seem fair that at 29 you should be dealing with this, but I know life isn't fair and doesn't ask us if we're up to it.  You will feel like a zombie for quite a while, it takes a long while to process our grief, even longer to find purpose, longer yet to build a life you can live.  We're forever impacted by our loss, it changes us.  In the beginning all we can see is the horror of what happened but in time we realize that we've changed in ways for the better too, like not taking anything for granted, and the empathy we develop for others.  We'd trade everything to have them back though, if only we could.

Try hard not to think about the future, stay in today, it's enough to handle.  One day at a time.