Not sure how to deal with this.

[ModKatB]

Yesterday was the 8 month mark of losing my husband Billy and I made it thru the day okay but today is something I don't quite understand. I have been watching the weather channel about the storm hitting the gulf coast and I had a major panic attack. We lived in Panama City Beach from 2000 to 2004 and then went back in 2009 to 2012, then we moved to Freeport which is just across the bay from Destin in 2012 to 2018 and that is where we were living when he got sick. I no longer have any property there and all of the family that was close by have also moved so why would I get so upset?? I never thought something like that would affect me so badly. Maybe this is just one of those strange things that come up that can trigger something we don't realize is there, but I just don't want to feel like I am going nuts. If anyone else had experienced something like this I would like to find out how you dealt with it if you don't mind sharing with me. I am just trying to keep myself together and trying to look forward to a short visit with my grandkids in Ohio for a couple of days. Then to get thru the 19th of this month which would have been our 22nd wedding anniversary.

 

[Epope]

While I haven't exactly experienced what you have just experienced, I do have issues with panic and I can for certain tell you a few things. The first is, absolutely nothing or anything can trigger these. I used to have a fear of fear (COOL!). I realized in having to share my time with panic, that there were certain things about it I could connect the dots with - so here is my thoughts for you:

Obviously, both storms are hitting a familiar place (and by both I mean the hurricane as well as the emotional storm inside of you). You may not realize that you associate a lot of good in your life with that place and now it's being threatened. Almost like it's come to claim more of you or your past and there isn't anything you feel like you can do to protect it. Sometimes, when I begin to feel my heart racing or my vision blurring or my legs are turning into jello, I repeat this to myself: Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists." It's from a book, and I tell that to myself when I feel like I'm losing a certain memory, or I break an object that is associated with a memory. Or I stare at a photograph of my Derek and break apart. The quote is something that I repeat to remind myself that love is real. Connections are real. The essence and soul of a person is real. Therefore, it still exists inside of this world in the form of an energy and no one can take that away. 

And if all else fails, deep breaths. 

[ModKatB]

1 hour ago, Epope said:

While I haven't exactly experienced what you have just experienced, I do have issues with panic and I can for certain tell you a few things. The first is, absolutely nothing or anything can trigger these. I used to have a fear of fear (COOL!). I realized in having to share my time with panic, that there were certain things about it I could connect the dots with - so here is my thoughts for you:

Obviously, both storms are hitting a familiar place (and by both I mean the hurricane as well as the emotional storm inside of you). You may not realize that you associate a lot of good in your life with that place and now it's being threatened. Almost like it's come to claim more of you or your past and there isn't anything you feel like you can do to protect it. Sometimes, when I begin to feel my heart racing or my vision blurring or my legs are turning into jello, I repeat this to myself: Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists." It's from a book, and I tell that to myself when I feel like I'm losing a certain memory, or I break an object that is associated with a memory. Or I stare at a photograph of my Derek and break apart. The quote is something that I repeat to remind myself that love is real. Connections are real. The essence and soul of a person is real. Therefore, it still exists inside of this world in the form of an energy and no one can take that away. 

And if all else fails, deep breaths. 

Thank you.

[KayC]

Maybe it's a trigger, a flashback to a hard time?  I don't know, I only know that especially in early grief (first three years or so) we are vulnerable and everything seems to hit us harder than it otherwise wood.  Yep, deep breaths for sure!