Members tsouth Posted October 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2018 My ex husband died suddenly July 11th. He had had a stroke last year and could get around ok but never got full use of his left side. I don't live in the same town anymore. From what I was told he had started using a new walker kind of cane. Well he fell going to his truck on the carport and hit his head and that is what killed him. He was only 56. I just think about him lying there for several hours until someone missed him and went to check on him. I do believe in Heaven and that he is not suffering anymore because he never got back to what was his 'normal' like. He was a preacher and was limited in what he could do. About 2 weeks before he died I decided to call him about something. We hadn't talked in 4 yrs. It was such a blessing that I was able to do that. It was a short call but we both needed it. But I still have times like this weekend when I don't understand Why. Why did it have to happen. My kids ages 24 and 29 lost their Dad. Neither one of them are ones to express many of their feelings to me so they have acted like they are ok. I wish I could talk to them about it but I don't keep asking them how they are and try to talk about it. I didn't love him anymore but we were together 30 years. I'm sure I am also grieving on the relationship we didn't have and now that he's gone I won't have the chance to ever see him again. But I don't know if he would have ever wanted to see me anyway. I just know how I am ever going to accept this. This is the second weekend I have spent a lot of time in the bed and crying a lot. I don't like to question God but I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brazil Man Posted October 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2018 16 hours ago, tsouth said: I didn't love him anymore but we were together 30 years. I'm sure I am also grieving on the relationship we didn't have and now that he's gone I won't have the chance to ever see him again. But I don't know if he would have ever wanted to see me anyway. Hi tsouth 30 years is a long time. It is the same amount of time I stayed married to my wife before she died. I am sorry for you loss and I understand what you are feeling is normal because though you were separated it was a lot of time together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 8, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted October 8, 2018 19 hours ago, tsouth said: My ex husband died suddenly July 11th. He had had a stroke last year and could get around ok but never got full use of his left side. I don't live in the same town anymore. From what I was told he had started using a new walker kind of cane. Well he fell going to his truck on the carport and hit his head and that is what killed him. He was only 56. I just think about him lying there for several hours until someone missed him and went to check on him. I do believe in Heaven and that he is not suffering anymore because he never got back to what was his 'normal' like. He was a preacher and was limited in what he could do. About 2 weeks before he died I decided to call him about something. We hadn't talked in 4 yrs. It was such a blessing that I was able to do that. It was a short call but we both needed it. But I still have times like this weekend when I don't understand Why. Why did it have to happen. My kids ages 24 and 29 lost their Dad. Neither one of them are ones to express many of their feelings to me so they have acted like they are ok. I wish I could talk to them about it but I don't keep asking them how they are and try to talk about it. I didn't love him anymore but we were together 30 years. I'm sure I am also grieving on the relationship we didn't have and now that he's gone I won't have the chance to ever see him again. But I don't know if he would have ever wanted to see me anyway. I just know how I am ever going to accept this. This is the second weekend I have spent a lot of time in the bed and crying a lot. I don't like to question God but I am. I am so sorry. I used to ask why but I never got an answer, maybe I wouldn't understand if I got one. Being married to someone for so long (I was married to my kids' dad for 23 years although I never felt he loved me) you still have feelings of caring and of course, he is your kids' dad and you worry about how they feel. I wish you could talk to them. You aren't alone, I hope you will read this article:https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/disenfranchised-grief-when-ex-spouse.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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