I’m 16 and my dad suddenly dropped dead

[opal20021969]

I’m nearly 16, a sophomore in highschool. Tuesday night I told him I loved him as he left for work, and on Friday night I watched him die. He was healthy, active, funny, and he suffered a major stroke during work. The doctor said he was rendered brain dead almost instantly. He was kept alive by machines for 3 days until we let him go. I watched him die, as all the color drained from his face, and as he took his last breath. I held his hand through all of it. It happened so fast I wasn’t able to process it, it still doesn’t feel real. I hear the doorbell ring and I wonder if he’s home. His old soda bottles are still on the kitchen counter. It all just feels like a bad dream I can’t wake up from. Every night when I go to sleep I hope that when I wake up he’ll be there and we’ll go get coffee and breakfest and he’ll say something stupid to make me laugh. I just wanna know from other people who lost a parent young, what are some things that helped you heal?

[mari]

Hey Opal, I'm so very sorry this happened to you and your family. I lost my mom when I was 9. Remember it's a process, don't worry about if what you're feeling is normal. Don't forget they are people around you ; try to talk to someone you trust. Don't be hard on yourself about daily tasks, school, etc - take time for self care. Let your body feel the way it does. Exercise is a good way to feel better. If you feel like writing this is a good coping tool. Being angry or scared is ok. Also a comforting thought of mine : thousands of people have been through that kind of thing. You're going to heal from this all while keeping your father close to you - he's always going to be an important part of your life.

I wish for and your family a lot of love and strength ; don't hesitate to contact me if you need to talk more.

[Rey Cinnanom]

I am very sorry to hear about your loss, I lost my mum a year ago when I was 16, so I completely understand, honestly I am only just starting to search for things that will help me heal, I hope you find it sooner. Having people who actually understand what you are going through helps more than anyone could understand. What also helps is to talk to them. Sit in your room and tell them things you wanted to tell them after they died. When my mum died I am the only that found her body; the worst thing you could do to yourself and your parent is to constantly picture them in that form, it destroys the precious memories. I hope you know that if you would like to talk to someone I am here. 

[Gem 27]

Opal,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you, I can't imagine how hard this must be, especially at such a young age.

I believe your dad is still with you always, and he wants you to heal and be happy, like a good dad would.

Give yourself time to mourn and please ask for support when you need to.

 

[Lucas]

My Dad died 3 years ago, 2 weeks before my 18th Birthday. The first thing that helped me was keeping my school routine, keeping my commitments like playing bass for my high school musical. Thats how I coped. The day my dad died my friends came and met me and we went to eat and play soccer, it really took my mind off things, and was nice while still in complete shock. After that day soccer didn't do it for me though, I couldn't concentrate, I would just think about my dad the whole time, and think "why am I on this field?" Spending time with friends did help me heel though, doing normal things with them, even though inside I wasn't feeling normal or ok at all.

 A few weeks after he passed I started seeing a grief counselor and that helped a lot. At first it was just a place where I cried basically non stop for an hour every week, and that alone was therapeutic, it was also a place where I could talk about feelings regarding my dad that I didn't feel ok talking about with anyone else, and the biggest thing was it helped me start to feel like the things I was feeling were ok to feel. I still see her bi weekly. The best thing we ever did was start a timeline of my memories of my dad, starting with my first memories of my dad, and things he would tell me, although we never finished, it was really therapeutic and comforting to know that there isn't any chance that those early memories are going to go away now. 

It takes time, focus on crying and letting your feelings out, that on its own is self care.