Holiday Struggles without my mom

[tanyam]

Anyone on here I know can relate.  Normal days are hard, but holidays are even worse.  Thanksgiving is coming up which was one of my mom's favorite holidays.  She would throw a thanksgiving dinner that included pies.  Pumpkin, apple.  She had to make multiples for everyone to take home.  But she loved it.  Her pastry was always the best.  She always wanted to show me and one day I did.  It worked out great and for me, once I make something well I dont need to make again, especially because she was making them.  One night after my mom had passed away, I was thinking in my dream.  I better ask for her pie crust recipe and when I woke up and thought of this, i went to call her and within seconds I realized she is gone.  

Holiday's are so extremely hard and if it was just me I would pass but I have a young daughter who loves all of this so I try my best to put on a happy face when truthfully I want to sit in my room and cry.  Sometimes it's hard to put on a happy face and I start to cry.  My daughter immediately comes over (she's 11), hugs me, tells me she loves me and that grandma wouldnt want us to be upset.  She then tells me how much she misses her.

I feel guilty if I am sad because I dont want my daughter to experience unhappy holidays and I feel guilty if I am happy that I am not mourning my mom.  Any tips on getting through the holidays as painless as possible?

[reader]

Dear tanyam,

I hear you. The holidays are tough without our loved ones. I think all we can do is take it moment by moment and to make sure we acknowledge our feelings. It is normal to feel sad and to miss our moms and dads.

I think for myself how much I miss those family dinners with my dad. But now I have to take up new rituals and traditions. I normally take flowers or a coffee to my dad at his gravesite. Just thinking of our loved ones is a good way to include them on these difficult holidays.

Maybe even writing a letter to our loved one or setting a place at the table for them in their honor.

No matter what we do, I'm sure they all know that we will always love and miss them dearly.

Thinking of you.

[tanyam]

On 10/5/2018 at 4:27 PM, reader said:

Dear tanyam,

I hear you. The holidays are tough without our loved ones. I think all we can do is take it moment by moment and to make sure we acknowledge our feelings. It is normal to feel sad and to miss our moms and dads.

I think for myself how much I miss those family dinners with my dad. But now I have to take up new rituals and traditions. I normally take flowers or a coffee to my dad at his gravesite. Just thinking of our loved ones is a good way to include them on these difficult holidays.

Maybe even writing a letter to our loved one or setting a place at the table for them in their honor.

No matter what we do, I'm sure they all know that we will always love and miss them dearly.

Thinking of you.

Thanks Reader!  I really like the idea of setting a place at the table for them.  It's a nice tradition to follow so she is included.  I agree it's better to take it moment by moment because looking at it long term sends me to a very unhappy place.  The truth is you change as a person when your parent dies, especially one that your close too.  I am hoping I can participate in these holidays without it being depressing for my daughter to watch me.

 

[reader]

Dear tanyam,

It is hard without our parents. I hope some of these rituals will help.

Please know we are here and thinking of you and your family during the holiday season.