Members Liz79 Posted October 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 4, 2018 I had spoken to my Dad as usual on the Sunday afternoon and we had our usual moans and laughs, just a normal phone call. I went into work on Monday and when I went on my dinner and checked my phone I had a missed call from my Brother. My brother never calls me, usually texts. I rang him back and I asked if he was ok, he said he was ok but Dad was dead, just like that, those words are playing around my head, I am in such shock. I always worried about my Dad, even though he was such a strong man and was very sarcastic and had a great sense of humour, definitely not someone to feel sorry for but it was since my Mum died just under 6 years ago he was definitely different, understandably. He talked about her all of the time and we loved to talk about her funny ways. I never imagined that he would not be around, certainly not for at least another 20 years. I am absolutely heartbroken and I just feel lost. My brother wants to sort all the legalities out and said it will keep him occupied but I just can’t deal with never seeing him again. Sorry to waffle on, nothing is making much sense right now. And the person I want to talk to is my Dad. I have a wonderful fiancé and I am lucky but my Dad was just amazing, seeing his friends cry when told really means the world, seeing how much he was loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lrscats3 Posted October 5, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 5, 2018 I don’t usually get on forums but I thought it might help with my grief over losing my mother. I saw your post and was blown away because my mother just died 4 days ago and it happened very similar to yours. I had the usual phone call with her Sunday afternoon. Everything was fine. Monday morning, I get a call from my sister that something is wrong with my mom and I need to come over fast. She was dead in her bed. My dad died 9 years ago. My siblings are also moving fast with the legalities but I’m still asking why. I want answers but there are none. I’m not ready to let her go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted October 5, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 5, 2018 Dear Liz and Irscats, My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved dad and mom. It is horrible shock. I don't think any of us are ever ready to lose our parents. Even when we are 70 we will still feel that need to have them in our lives. Please know that everything you are feeling and thinking is normal and part of your grief. Be kind and gentle with yourself during this sad and difficult time. We are all with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Liz79 Posted October 5, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted October 5, 2018 Dear Irscats and Reader, First of all to Reader, thank you so much for your kind words, really means a lot. Irscats, I really feel for you, it’s so hard to take in what has happened to us. I don’t know about you but I felt that my Dad was never the same after losing my Mum, he was strong and appeared fine to my brother and I but when I would leave his house I would feel such sadness that he was then left on his own. My brother was told my Dad had called 999 with chest pains and by the time they got to him they had to break in the house and found him on his bed, this has really stayed with me, I was told he didn’t suffer but my mind is replaying all of this. It’s the shock of it and I like yourself would find it too hard to have to start with paperwork and that. Here if you need to talk, once again I am so sorry for your loss. I am trying to get comfort from my Mum and Dad being together again. Love and hugs, you’re not on your own xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lrscats3 Posted October 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 6, 2018 Hi Liz79 and Reader, Thank you for your words of comfort. It does help when someone else understands my grief. I do appreciate your kindness. Love and hugs for you, as well. I’m having a very difficult time with it, especially since it happened so suddenly and unexpected. I just want her back. I find myself going to hit her number to call her and then I remember. Not sure how to get past this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Liz79 Posted October 6, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted October 6, 2018 Hi Irscats, It is extremely difficult to deal with, I am very up and down and I get upset beyond belief thinking my dad won't call me up again. I know what you mean, I look at my recent calls and see my Dad there and just want to call him. It doesn't feel real at all. It's heartbreaking and nothing feels right, I haven't even left the house yet, can't bear to see people carrying on as normal but I know I do need to. My Dad and I were close but we became closer after losing Mum. Both so heartbreaking but in their own way, losing my Mum was like losing a sister and best friend because we would do everything together. I can now look back at those times so fondly and feel lucky to have had those times. It's still too early with my Dad. I really feel for you, the pain is just unbearable, I hope you have good people in your life who can support you but I'm here if you need to talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lrscats3 Posted October 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2018 Dear Liz79, Thank you for the response. I feel your pain as well. I’ve always been close to my mom. So, it’s been extremely difficult for me as well. As I type this, I’m at her home rocking in her rocking chair out on her porch to feel close to her. I wish I had words to ease your pain over your dad. It hurts, plain and simple. But do know, you have me to listen and understand if you need me. I was forced to get back out there to help take care of my mother’s finances and so forth. Also, I teach, so my students await. It will be difficult facing coworkers and hearing their, “sorry for your loss”. I know they mean well but it just makes it hurt all over again. I hope you will find the strength to eventually journey out of your home. I don’t know your dad but I think he would want you to take care of yourself for him. You can do it. Remember to hold on to the good memories to make you strong again. My niece found a scrap of paper in my mom’s stuff when we were looking for documents. It is my mom’s handwriting and it says, “worry changes nothing, prayer changes everything”. We aren’t sure when she wrote it or what it was for but we like to think she left it for us to find during this time to help us. I share it with you in hopes that it will also help you. Hugs and constant comfort, lrscats3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Liz79 Posted October 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2018 Irscats3, Thank you so much, such lovely words and makes so much sense. It will take time but it’s so true, our parents would never want us to be down and would want us to carry on. That is lovely, the note you found, that will surely give you peace and it really means a lot that. I am lucky I work in a Library and my co workers are brilliant, been so supportive but I know I will breakdown at the slightest thing right now. It’s still early days and i am sure I will get the strength from both my Mum and Dad. Thanks again for such lovely support and same goes for you if you ever need to chat. Hugs and constant comfort too ( love that) Liz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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