upset this isn't going away

[candycane]

my mother died ( I HATE to say that word) in 2012. I would say on a scale of 1-10 in terms of "are you coping, are you adjusting" I would have to say maybe I am a 1 or a 2. i never lost a mother before and I have no coping tools in place. how the heck do you cope with the loss of your mother? It's not like you are trying to cope with the fact someone cut you off in traffic.

the best way to cope is to be surrounded by people who will tell you day in and day out that everything will be ok and will lovingly put their arm around your shoulder and even give you a kiss on the cheek, make you a hot cup of tea and be there when you need them 24/7. THEY get you through. But how freaking realistic is that? do the majority of people who lose a mother have that?

"counseling" doesn't help. i tried several. I don't need counsel...I don't need words of wisdom. Any counsel or words of wisdom from a paid professional can be found online. there are articles, studies, research etc you name it online.  what i need is loving kindness. people who care that I am hurting and people who show that they care. 

 

rant over.

 

 

[tessa]

I hear you. I lost my mother over a year ago and this weekend has been terrible for me. I have spent the whole weekend missing my parents. I lost my father 5 years ago.
My only way of coping is to keep busy. I'm learning something new so that keeps my mind from remembering I have no parents any more. But there are always the times when I stop and remember. I miss them so much.
I keep thinking it must be about time they returned, like they have been on a long holiday and it's time to come back now. But they are never coming back.
I agree that couselling doesn't help. It can't help. No one can replace our parent/s. Talking isn't going to help. It won't make them come back.
All I know is to keep busy and try to forget.
I'm sorry for you loss. Just keep going is all I know. But don't ask me in which direction. I am lost without my parents.

[reader]

Dear candycane,

Please know you are with people that care on this forum. I couldn't agree more with you. All of us need more kindness, love and understanding. And we need people to show us.

For me, I can hardly believe I am on this earth without my father. It doesn't feel real. I still blame myself for his passing. But like Tessa even though I don't know which direction I am going, I still try and wake up and do the best I can.

Thinking of you.

[smk]

It has been 14 months.  It is not getting better for me.  People will tell me I look  better than "the first year" and that may be, but I feel just as bad.  My outer appearance is just covering up  the turmoil inside.  Friends are animate about be going to see a counselor but I just don't see that happening nor do i want to open up to someone I don't know.   It's like people just want me to "get better" as if I could.  

Little background.  My mom and I lived together.  At first when I was younger it was the typical kid living at home, but after my father died and I grew and matured myself it eventually changed we were great together.  We did everything together, vacation, gossip, binge tv (oh we loved our binge tv)  Eventually it turned into me being her caregiver which honestly I struggled with and had a lot of anger about it.  Something I am having a hard time with forgiving myself for.  The last 2 years well just were very difficult.

Oh I am rambling.  Now I have to put on my happy face and go to work