Members Glolilly Posted September 28, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 28, 2018 I received a text at 6 a.m. yesterday when I got up early before the alarm clock rang. It said, "Gloria Kelvin passed". Second text, "Patsy needs you". Third text, "Kelvin is gone". I think my John is playing a joke on me. I run and awaken my sleeping college sons. I say, can this be true? I call my sister's cellphone, she's crying and saying inaudible words. I hang up on her after 2 minutes. I start screaming no, tears are pouring down. She said later that her 52 year old husband collapsed in the shower and stopped breathing. He had a pacemaker. He had a doctor's appointment for the next day. The pacemaker beat was set too low for his activities. Wow. I and my sister lost our husbands in the same year, both in their 50's and only 9 months apart. I reacted so hard because he was there for my family, designed my husband's obituary and saw him at church twice a week. She was married for 33 years and I for 25 years. Both was very active in church and the community. (Sigh) What is the meaning of all this? Her oldest daughter asked me to stop crying so hard when I arrived at 8 a.m. at the house. She said, I was supposed to help her mother, and not the other way around. I quickly sucked it up and felt offended. I can't find anything on Google mentioning 2 sisters becoming widows in the same year. This is truly a nightmare. My oldest brother called us this past Saturday and said he had a very disturbing dream. He dreamt my deceased father called him on a telephone from heaven to warn us both that something was going to happen that would shake us both. He said he doesn't remember what my father said because he was so shocked to hear his voice but he talked strongly. We both just brushed it off. Wow, I had residual grief with new grief and couldn't stop crying loudly. I'm not sure if I should go back over today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 28, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 28, 2018 Glolilly, Your niece was looking out for her mother in her new and shocking grief, I hope you don't stay offended. I'm sorry for your new loss, it's hard to imagine! My sisters all still have their husbands and I've often wondered why I alone was singled out to be a widow so young (I was 52 and he barely 51), my husband's heart also, we had no idea he even had heart problems until that weekend, it was his third day in the hospital surrounded by the best heart surgeons when his heart gave out finally and completely. Up to then he'd helped friends move, gone on hikes with my son and I...worked a hard physical job as a welder. Try to be there for your sister. Try to hold it together for her sake, you can let go when you get back home. It's a shock that's going to take a long while to sink in. I'm so sorry for both of you, for the whole family. In time you will both realize that you can be there for each other and both go through this calamity together. I had a best friend who went through it a short few years after I did, we were there for each other for many years. This article may be of some help as you try to be there for your sister:http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/11/in-grief-being-there-for-someone-in.html Note: there are a lot of links to articles relating to this following this one. It's easy to blend your husband's death in with her fresh loss as it stirs it up to you. Please try to let them be separate griefs so she will be afforded her time to grieve. Later, when she's had more time to absorb this and the freshness of this shocking grief has sunk in and processed a bit, you can mingle your griefs some, but right now this does need to be about her and her loss. It may be hard for you to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Moon2018 Posted October 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 4, 2018 I lost my sister in law at age 31 and my brothers best friend lost his wife at 25 this August. Just weeks apart. You curse everything at that point.. I’m sorry for your pain it’s something no one should go through. It’s surreal to an extent that something so horrible can happen so frequently. I hope you and your sister can find some peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Glolilly Posted October 5, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted October 5, 2018 I am feeling so torn. My brother in law viewing is tomorrow. They both stood with me 9.5 months ago but I feel I only have enough strength just for the big funeral on Saturday. I want to be there for my sister but it seems I'm pulling my scab off and hurting all over again. Strength Lord, strength. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 5, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted October 5, 2018 It's very hard. I felt like that when my best friend's husband was in the hospital...it was the same hospital George was in when he died. The memories were horrific! I made the decision to go and be there for my friends, but oh God it was so hard! I had tears streaming down my face the whole time, I think it was about a year after George died. They appreciated my making the effort, it meant a lot to them, I wish I could have not cried in front of them but it was like a waterfall with no off switch. There is no right or wrong decision, just what you feel you can muster. If you don't feel you can go to the viewing, maybe you can write your sister a note and tell her you want to be there for her and yet it's stirred up so much that it's hard for you to do what you want to do for her, you're afraid of distracting from HER grief and she is what is important right now. I think she'll understand if explained to her. If you do go to the viewing, I hope and pray for strength for you, I know it's hard, either way. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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