My partner died cuddling me last week

[Char88]

I am finding it so hard to cope my other half kissed me put his head on my shoulder made A grunting noise then I looked at him and he wasn't breathing... I tried CPR untill the paramedics arrived but he was already gone. I cannot think of nothing else apart from him the pain is mental and physical I miss him so much it hurts so bad heartbroken isn't enough to describe how I feel.

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss and the way it happened, wow, that has to be so hard. 

You might try EMDR or EFT on down the road with a qualified therapist.  Are you in grief counseling?  

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-using-eye-movement.html
http://blog.healthjourneys.com/update-from-belleruth/emotional-freedom-technique-eft-may-look-weird-but-if-it-gets-the-job-done-do-we-care.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/03/using-emotional-freedom-techniques-eft.html
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html

How long since he passed?

Yes, loss can definitely affect us with physical symptoms.  Make sure your doctor know what you are going through.
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/physical-reactions-to-loss.html

I wrote this article based on what I've learned on my grief journey that has helped me, I hope something is helpful to you also.  It's intended to print out and read every few months as different things will strike you at different times in your journey.  The biggest help was learning to take one day (or hour or minute) at a time.
 

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

[Char88]

He died 6 days ago. I have seen a doctor and awaiting cousilling we had our whole life planned out was going to get engaged for my 30th and try for a baby the end of the year now that's all gone I'm so so sad x

[Brazil Man]

I am so sorry for you. Only who lost a partner too is able to know how deep the pain is.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, Char88 said:

He died 6 days ago. I have seen a doctor and awaiting cousilling we had our whole life planned out was going to get engaged for my 30th and try for a baby the end of the year now that's all gone I'm so so sad x

I'm so sorry.  I'm glad you're on the list for counseling, it can really help.  We not only lose them, we lose our dreams.

[Sunflower2]

39 minutes ago, KayC said:

We not only lose them, we lose our dreams.

our sense of who we are is shattered with our loss.  

[Char88]

I hate waking up in the morning and starting a new day again the day drags and I only think of matt nothing else inbetween. I'm devastated I loved him with everything x

[KayC]

23 hours ago, Sunflower2 said:

our sense of who we are is shattered with our loss.  

That is what we had our lesson on this week in my Grief Support Group.  Here's the material, from what'syourgrief.com 

Identity Loss.pdf