Distraction

[HPB]

...from own pain.

By observing the suffering of others. I confess it is consoling in a way, because it is breaking the  own loneliness and pain, breaking the wall of isolation that tends to make me insane at times.

I don't have a TV, nor I want one. Superficial distraction is what I avoided before I got into this nightmare when I lost my beloved wife, and for sure I will not yield to the temptation of a "stupid talking screen" in my silent apartment now. Yes I listen to music often to break this silence; classical music and easy jazz is all I can bear, and very often it also triggers tears rather that distracting me from the suffering.

We lost our beloved partner. Some due to long suffering from sickness, some from sudden shocking death. I was reading books of other people that went through loss, and I watched the BBC Doc in the link below. 

The fates of the people (which are presented in the following film by Terry Pratchett, a fantasy novel writer, who himself was earlier diagnosed with alzheimers disease) are also very sad, and difficult to watch at times. 

I believe this documentary from Charlie Russel keeps the dignity of the involved, even though the very intimate approach to the taboo topic Death (and the topic to leave the world by free will in the condition of an uncurable disease) is unusual, but yet succeeds to deliver a very sensitive presentation of the poor souls involved.

Suffering souls like you, and me:

https://vimeo.com/229120539

(This movie is not fast food in any sense, it is one hour long, and I suggest to reserve ample time in calmness to watch)

[adventure]

I watched a pbs program today of 3 blind women living in Cuba. All three lost their sight as children. The oldest woman is a widow and her husband was her caregiver. She was a widow for 6 years at the time of the program and was revisiting his grave for the first time. She said she was ready. She had to go up a ladder to his grave as they are stacked on each other. She also sold the motorcycle he built himself and took her on rides. She lives alone. What a courageous woman!!! And as she said it's a struggle to survive in Cuba blind or sighted. 

Cuba was a destination we were going to sail to on our sailboat. We were investigating the regulations for US citizens. Now if I go in the future it will be by air and not water. This woman has far more to overcome daily then I could imagine I could do. I wish I could let her know how she helped me get through today. 

[azaleas60]

I miss music. It brings nothing but hot tears unless it's music I've not heard before. Even then, it's emotional for me because we both loved music so much. So, I move through the motions of each day in silence. Calls, the doorbell and my best furfriend are about the only things that break the silence.  

I crave a distraction, but I have a low tolerance right now for anything outside of the home. I know his death changed me. I knew he would die, but we both expected he had more time.  It's hard to slow my mind enough to be redirected with distractions.