21 year old struggling after Mum’s death.

[d700]

I am a 21 year old girl who lost my Mum just under 2 months ago. My Mum’s death was unexpected and was a huge shock and heartbreak for everyone who knew her but I seem to have taken it the hardest. We were very close and I never imagined I would lose her.  Recently, everyone seems to have gone back to their normal lives whilst I feel as if I am making no progress back towards ‘normal’ life and instead feel like I am becoming very depressed about the whole situation. To make matters worse, I am an only child and my Dad (who was married to my Mum for almost 40 years) and I feel as if this whole situation has weakened our relationship rather than strengthening it and we seem to be arguing every day about things that would normally never bother us. 

I have been accepted to start a very intense masters course at university next month. On one hand I think some time away from my home town and something to give my full attention to will help me but also I am worried it could make things a lot worse. 

 

Has anyone around my age been through something similar and has any advice for what they found was best for them?

[tristygirl]

Hi, sorry about your loss. I'm 24 and just lost my dad less than two weeks ago. I came back to school (I'm in a PhD program) and have found that keeping busy helps. The only thing about going away is that I feel as though I've lost my support system. I have a few friends here, but nothing like what I had at home. I'm going to try and start counseling next week to help me figure out where I go from here. If your university offers that, I would take advantage of it as soon as you get there. They can help you with trying to figure out your grief and might could help you work on your relationship with your dad. 

[Nicole-my grief journey]

d700,

I know what it feels like to lose a mother. There is nothing like it. It’s the most painful experience. My mom was my favorite person and we were so close. She was my support system. My number one person, my world. My parents were married for 49years. I’m broken and my dad is a mess too. When he acts out irrationally, I do my best to remind myself that he is in pain too and that it’s what’s causing him to act that way. It doesn’t make it ok and I’m not co-signing or making excuses for him. It’s just a fact. I started walking away when he gets like that. I don’t have the emotional strength to argue, debate or add more stress. It’s sad because we need our dads and they need us at this time. I keep thinking maybe god took my mom first to change the relationship I have with my dad. I’m not going to give up on trying to have better communication with him. He is all I have left. I hope you’ll keep trying with your dad too. I hope your dad will gain some perspective in the way he is being with you and that it will change. That he will soften and realize what you’re experiencing. I’m glad for you that you are going to be back at university because that will help you. I feel like once you’re there, the right person or people will surround you and help you with support. People are put in our paths at the exact time they’re supposed to be for what we need. It’s hard to imagine right now because everything is so fresh, and you may be thinking “where are they now, I need people the most RIGHT now”... but it will happen. A lot of the grief work we have to do ourselves and with therapists giving us coping tools. Support groups do that too. In the meantime, we are here for you. Sending our well wishes and sharing in your grieving process. 

Hugs,

Nicole