I didn't want to know

[Epope]

I found my partner after he had passed, maybe by minutes or several hours...I guess it doesn't matter. I knew he had pain killers in his system when he passed, and that it was the only thing that I thought could have been a "contributing cause". He didn't overdose, because there simply wasn't enough for him to overdose on. It was very hot that weekend, and he had been working hard in our backyard making it look nice. When I came home, he was sitting in a lounge chair in the yard as if he were relaxing. 

We were not legally married, and I opted not to accompany his family for a final viewing before cremation. He was already gone, so a viewing just seemed like something he wouldn't want me to do. I did need his death certificate for a few things, and I requested it not to say the cause of death. Has anyone else not wanted to know the cause of death of their loved one? It doesn't change anything, right? 

[Miye]

I lost my husband unexpectedly and to this day the cause of death is not clear. The first months i wanted to know desperately. There is still people who knows details i dont but now im not sure i want to reopen a wound that seems has started to heal

In my humble opinion  not knowing adds to the pain for many of us, but  knowing doesnt ease the pain of having lost the love of our lives... I'd say , you are right... it doesn't change anything

 

wishing you peace and strenght

[KayC]

We're all different in how we handle this.  Some want an autopsy, need to know everything, every detail.  Some prefer not to know.  It's what brings YOU the most comfort that I say to go with.  But you're right, in the end, what matters is they are gone from us. 

[Epope]

Thank you @Miye and @KayC for your responses. I prefer a kinder story to his passing as opposed to a clinical one. I know whatever happened was painless, and my brave man simply fell asleep beneath the sun. 

[Paluka]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

We're all different in how we handle this.  Some want an autopsy, need to know everything, every detail.  Some prefer not to know.  It's what brings YOU the most comfort that I say to go with.  But you're right, in the end, what matters is they are gone from us. 

I totally agree, Kay. I wanted to know what happened and pursued this relentlessly in the beginning. I thought maybe it would tell me something that might make all of the pain make sense. I know it was one of three things that were all beyond my control. I still do not know but we need something so her kids can collect on her insurance.

The main thing is she is gone. Knowing how or why changes nothing for me.

[Just here]

I agree I still don’t know the cause on death of my fiance and even if they found out it doesn’t change anything. It’s been 2 months and he still is gone. Why or how it happened doesn’t bring him back. I probably will never know I am ok with that cause even if I did I can’t bring him back. I believe it doesn’t change anything! Some people need closure and I guess the closure for me is knowing I had an amazing relationship with a man who was irreplaceable and i will treasure our memories forever in my heart.