Members florentine Posted January 1, 2011 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2011 I just lost my Mother on December 13. It was sudden and unexpected, well as unexpected as it could be at age 87. Logic tells you it's going to happen sometime, but I was not expecting it that day. I had just spoken to her a few hours earlier and she seemed fine. Next thing I knew the police were at my door informing me. asking where to take the body (she was found dead in her car) and telling me to go and identify her. They said it seemed like a peaceful passing from natural causes. Thank God she had parked her car and wasn't driving when it happened.Her death leaves me the only survivor of my family. My Mom, Dad and brother are all dead. I have no children. It all ends with me. I think I was mostly numb at first and went through the motions. Now I am experiencing different things...physical illness and a deep, deep, resigned sadness. This isn't the screaming, hair-tearing grief like when my brother died. Just a sad, profound melancholy that leaves me wondering about life, natures cycles and a deep longing for my departed loved ones. It amazes me, the finality of it all. I wonder how I will live my life without her. She was such a stable, reliable, loving part of my life that is now gone in the blink of an eye.This has been a horrible, horible nightmare. I've seen a really ugly side of human nature dealing with the details of when someone dies. We were taken advantage of by the funeral director. He didn't do anything illegal, but was greedy and over-charged for everything. The funeral was supposed to be modest but wound up costing twice as much as we expected. It was the homes excessive charges that ran the bill up so high. The only thing we could have done to reduced the price was to switch to the cheapest casket and vault. I couldn't do that just to save a few bucks. She deserved better than that. Mom's assests were frozen and I didn't have enough money from her insurance policy to pay for this overpriced funeral. I had to borrow the money to bury her. Her apartment manager tried to buffalo us into paying an extra months rent even though we had her apartment cleaned out and vacated before the new month started. The manager said it was because we didn't give 30 days notice of her death. We let the estate lawyer take care of that. He doesn't take any nonsense from people. I do worry about his bill though. Everyone has their hand out and people are so nasty these days.My husband has been a great help through this. He is a stoic, uncomplicated, country man. He tells me life is hard and I must just put one foot in front of the other because that is the only thing I can do. I try to look at the good things and tell myself that I was so lucky to have her this long. Other people aren't that lucky. Some people lose their loved ones very early. Sometime there is great suffering. My Mom passed peacefully. I tell myself her passing was the way things had to be. This past summer I had a terrible cancer scare. They thought I had uterine cancer. All kinds of thoughts raced through my mind. I wondered if I would even be here next year. It was then that I realized that I couldn't die before my Mother. I couldn't have her lose another child. I HAD to survive her. So now I have and that is how it should be. But now I've left with this huge, aching hole in my heart and my life. What am I going to do without her?I guess I have rambled on enough. Thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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