The loss of my father in law and dealing with my husbands grief

[Charchar1234]

Some of this can come across selfish which is what I do not want but I really need help and advice to save a marriage that is just 7 months old.

Myself and my husband have been together for 7 years. We have two children and we have been best friends always. We have had our arguments, he has always been a little selfish, likes a drink and is not great with helping money wise but I love him and we dealt with that. His family has always been a big part in our life’s. Sometimes to much but I handled it. Sadly my husbands dad died 5 months after our Wedding. He was 55 and healthy. It was a shock and we found him dead on the toilet- very traumatic. 

My husbad asked for my and the children to move in with his mum for a few weeks which I did, no questions asked. He then decided he wanted to live with her for good which I said no to and caused an argument. Since then everything has gone down hill. I have agreed to live with his mum weekends with the kids but he just hates me. Not because of not moving in just in general. His become obsessed with his mum. His sister lives at home with her so she is not alone but he insists on me being with her when ever I am off work ( I work four days a week and she has the kids two days as well as us staying the weekend) no matter what I do his nasty to me but lovely to everyone else. He puts me down. Says horrible things. Is not affectionate and just doesn’t care. I don’t know what to do anymore because when ever I say anything he is vile and turns it around, calls me selfish and makes me feel so small. I earn half the money he does and I pay all the bills. He doesn’t pay rent anymore as his dad owned out place and now his gone. I struggle with money and pay 600 pound out with barley earning that and he pays nothing out and doesn’t help. I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I’m now feeling resentful. Is this just grief? I just don’t know what to do to save my marriage and to not be miserable anymore because he is just so mean to me yet so nice to everyone else. P.s I have tried talking to him but he just gets angry and is horrible to me.

[reader]

Dear Charchar1234,

I'm very sorry to hear about everything you have been through. I know you are trying to do your best for your husband and your kids. There is a lot going on and it is normal to feel resentful when we do something that is not appreciated or acknowledged for our families.

I know during grief there are lots of raw emotions. Because your husband is not receptive to talking and becomes horrible, I think it would be best if you sought out counselling or other supports in the community on your own.

It helps to talk to other people going through the same things. And hopefully help you make a decision that is best for you and your kids.

I know its really hard but remember you have needs too and deserve to be heard. I hope you can find some community supports during this difficult time.

Thinking of you.