Members adenham29 Posted August 27, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 27, 2018 My husband has been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. He has lost 40 lbs in the last 4 months and is very weak from being anemic. They told us it was incurable. He has started chemo treatments. I don't know how to feel. I'm numb but I'm hurting. How am I supposed to watch him die? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 27, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 27, 2018 I am so sorry. I am going through anticipatory grief with my sister right now, I went through it when I was taking care of my bedridden MIL years ago when she was dying of cancer, and I went through it a few months ago when my other sister was dying. My husband, however, died a sudden death, which is quite different from anticipatory. I encourage you to try to stay in today. You are in a very unique difficult position, feeling you are losing him, bit by bit, and oh God, it's so hard! My heart goes out to you. The only thing I can tell you is to try to appreciate each moment you have with him and do your best not to worry about what is to come. Tall order, I know. Try as we might, thoughts occur. It can help to journal your feelings or even better to post here...I say post because then you can know you are heard, understood, that your feelings are validated, and that can be helpful. When I went through it with my MIL, it was pre-internet days and I couldn't get away to go to support groups, much as I might have welcomed them. Just getting through each day was tough as it was. This article lists a host of resources:https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/anticipatory-grief-and-mourning.html You can also enlist hospice' help. Is there someone who can stay with him while you attend a support group? They can be very helpful...unfortunately, when I went through it with my MIL, we lived in the country and it would have meant driving 120 mile round trip, not feasible at the time, I also had babies I was caring for at the same time. My heart goes out to you...take one day at a time. And take as good care of yourself as you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members adenham29 Posted August 27, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 27, 2018 So sorry to hear about your losses. Thank you for the info.It was very helpful and nice to hear from people in similar situations ( to know I'm not alone). I will continue to post here. Thanks again for your feedback. Take care of yourself as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Spengler Posted August 27, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 27, 2018 My wife was bed- and wheelchair-bound for the last four years of her life. After the first few months, it was clear that she wasn't going to get well. So, how to cope? How to feel? Inside, you hurt and rage against fate, but you try not to show it. You perform as a caregiver, day by day, even when you are physically and emotionally unable to. You go to bed at night exhausted and emotionally drained. And you wake up in the morning thanking the Lord for another day with your loved one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members adenham29 Posted August 27, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 27, 2018 So sorry for your loss! That is how I've been handling things. And definitely very grateful to have him everyday! But it feels so lonely though even though I still have him and he isn't that "sick" yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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