Members Frances91 Posted August 22, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 Hello to whom ever comes across this , I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing as my mind is all over the place ! I get these short spurts of hopefullness and Optimism but they are shortly followed with anger , sadness and mental breakdowns. My mom was put on hopsice last night and after her social worker met with us this afternoon I think I for the first time realized how in denial I have been. My moms going to die soon and the whole point of this is to make her comfortable and at peace which was a hard concept for me because I’m so use to preparing to fight fight fight!! But in all reality she’s tired and I don’t know how to be at peace with that & believe me I know it sounds selfish . I’m only 27 and I’m sitting here alone starring at my mom whom is might I add only 60! In her death bed . Like most of you I have tried to reach out to friends , but let’s be real unless you’ve gone or are going thru this unbearable pain , you have no idea ! Any comments are welcome! Any words, poems, scriptures, songs are welcome ! sorry if this post was all over the place , I’m sure u all understand. ❤️ Frances Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tsuyame Posted August 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 Hello, I completely understand what you are going through...my mother passed away un 2013..and my dad passed away exactly a week ago also due to liver issues....I am 26 and he was only 59..I also saw him in his death bed..He was suffering..but let me tell you my biggest comfort was to see his body and mind at peace..he left us with peaceful and smiling face almost..he wasnt suffering anymore...I stayed with him througout the whole process....and I am so happy I got to be with him until his last moments..try to find comfort on that... Best of luck, Priyanka. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted August 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 Frances91, My heart goes out to you. It breaks for you. Unbearable pain is exactly what I felt and still feel. I lost my mom at the end of July. I was used to fighting, she was used to fighting. We fought hard against her cancer and in the end, there was nothing we could do. She didn’t get time to accept she was going to die. She wanted to live and it broke me in pieces hearing her say it and knowing she was going to die. I had the impossible task of trying to make my family aware of what was happening. No one could accept it and the best I could do was make it clear that we needed to be with her every moment that we could. Because she was so brave, I made myself stay brave in front of her (knowing I could fall apart later). I wanted to give her my all like she gave to me her entire life. You’re not selfish and all the things you’re feeling make complete sense. Do whatever you can to make her comfortable. Snug her up in her favorite blanket, tell her everything you live about her, things she taught you, traditions you’ll continue, play her her favorite music, massage her feet (my mom loved that), bring her small trinkets and gifts (because I didn’t think of that and when someone else did, my mom lit up kike it was Christmas). Remind her of funny moments that haplened and lastly...even though you may not feel this way...let her know that you will miss her dearly, but that you will be okay and that she doesn’t have to worry. Touch too is one of the most important things, so you hold her hand, brush her hair and when she gets to the point where she can no longer speak...continue to talk to her and express your love becaus she can still hear you. I said to my mom that this isn’t where we leave each other. Our spirits will always be together. My mom was 69 and we had so many plans. I still can’t believe she’s gone. Her favorite scripture was Corinthians 13;4-8. She also loved the prayer of St Francis and the Beattitudes. We are here for you and we understand ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted August 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 2 hours ago, Tsuyame said: Hello, I completely understand what you are going through...my mother passed away un 2013..and my dad passed away exactly a week ago also due to liver issues....I am 26 and he was only 59..I also saw him in his dead bed..He was suffering..but let me tell you my biggest comfort was to see his body and mind at peace..he left us with peaceful and smiling face almost..he wasnt suffering anymore...I stayed with him througout the whole process....and I am so happy I got to be with him until his last moments..try to find comfort on that... Best of luck, Priyanka. Priyanka, My heartfelt condolences to you about your mom and your dad. I was with my mother when she was on her death bed too (last month). She was my heart and soul. Although it was and has been so painful...I agree that I feel so blessed that I was there with her. Loving her into her internal life. I’m heartbroken, but your right about taking comfort in that they are no longer suffering and at peace. So many people do not get to be with their loved ones when they pass and we are truly lucky. Hugs to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members soniasonia Posted August 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 On 8/21/2018 at 9:22 PM, Frances91 said: Hello to whom ever comes across this , I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing as my mind is all over the place ! I get these short spurts of hopefullness and Optimism but they are shortly followed with anger , sadness and mental breakdowns. My mom was put on hopsice last night and after her social worker met with us this afternoon I think I for the first time realized how in denial I have been. My moms going to die soon and the whole point of this is to make her comfortable and at peace which was a hard concept for me because I’m so use to preparing to fight fight fight!! But in all reality she’s tired and I don’t know how to be at peace with that & believe me I know it sounds selfish . I’m only 27 and I’m sitting here alone starring at my mom whom is might I add only 60! In her death bed . Like most of you I have tried to reach out to friends , but let’s be real unless you’ve gone or are going thru this unbearable pain , you have no idea ! Any comments are welcome! Any words, poems, scriptures, songs are welcome ! sorry if this post was all over the place , I’m sure u all understand. ❤️ Frances Hi Frances, While my dad wasn't put in hospice, he was in the hospital for a week before he passed. He was 64 and I'm 32. The fight was over for him and I think he even realized that when they changed him from ICU to critical care (one nurse per patient 24/7). Looking back, I feel as though I was in a limbo state of mind. I knew he was never coming home, which is extremely sad, but I knew the pain would be over for him. I had to keep telling myself that he can't get better, his cancer gave him a death sentence and his treatments bought us extra time for us. Don't get me wrong, I miss my dad and a part of my heart is missing, but it hurt a lot more to see the great man that he once was having difficulty walking 5 feet. It's not a good life. My best advise to you, is to be strong for your mom. Be with her as much as you can even if it's just to hold her hand and remember that you had 27 years with your mom. I know it's a cliche but remember the good times and the bad times and be happy you had her there with you. Sorry, my words are all over the place... apologies. Do you have a support system? Relatives/friends? I found that helped during this time. Just having people "there for you" even though you may not necessarily need them is great... My heart goes out to you, I wish you strength and peace... it's hard to put in words how you're feeling and if you ever need to talk, reach out. All the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Frances91 Posted August 23, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 Thank you all for your kind words , my mom is still home on hospice and it’s such an emotional rollercoaster. I’m trying to get comfortable with the fact that I’m going to lose her , but then it gets hard when she has days where she seems “better” unfortunately it is just me and my sister to care for her as my brother has schizophrenia and can’t help much and is also causing my mom a lot of distress . To make matters worse my sister and I have to move to down size apartments because without my moms help we can no longer afford our two bedroom apartment that we’ve lived in for 18yrs so today we had to put down three of our dogs which was just another heart break we re dealing with . This is all too much and I don’t know how much more pain I can endure. Currently waiting on placement for my mom to go back into a facility as I have no more sick time and don’t qualify for paid family leave . My life is a **** show Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members haileyfw Posted August 24, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2018 Hey Frances. I’m 13 and I was in the same situation. I was so used to my mom fighting. She was put in the hospital to get stronger and everyone thought she was going to come home. I went to my friends cabin for originally what was supposed to be 3 nights but turned into 2. I woke up one morning and I looked at my phone to find several missed calls from my dad. My mom wasn’t doing good. My uncle picked me up and drove me there. It was the longer hour of my life. When I realized that the fight was over and my mom wasn’t going to come home it didn’t feel real. I was so used to the fight and I realized my mom was tired of fighting. It broke me. My mom passed away on August 6th. Just under two weeks after she took the turn for the worse. It doesn’t feel real. I can’t believe how time can go by so fast. It felt like just yesterday we were in Mexico having the times of our lives. I miss her so much. I’m always here to talk ❤️ Hailey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Frances91 Posted August 24, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2018 1 hour ago, haileyfw said: Hey Frances. I’m 13 and I was in the same situation. I was so used to my mom fighting. She was put in the hospital to get stronger and everyone thought she was going to come home. I went to my friends cabin for originally what was supposed to be 3 nights but turned into 2. I woke up one morning and I looked at my phone to find several missed calls from my dad. My mom wasn’t doing good. My uncle picked me up and drove me there. It was the longer hour of my life. When I realized that the fight was over and my mom wasn’t going to come home it didn’t feel real. I was so used to the fight and I realized my mom was tired of fighting. It broke me. My mom passed away on August 6th. Just under two weeks after she took the turn for the worse. It doesn’t feel real. I can’t believe how time can go by so fast. It felt like just yesterday we were in Mexico having the times of our lives. I miss her so much. I’m always here to talk ❤️ Hailey Wow I can’t even imagine how your feeling your so young ! And well spoken might I add! Thanks for reaching out to me , everyone’s comments really help! It’s hard to find people that feel your pain, I have friends that try to be supportive but they just don’t get it.. I’m so sorry for your loss! My mother is my everything and I’m dreading the day she’s gona leave me. I can’t wrap my head around it ! Like as it is she can’t talk much anymore or hardly open her eyes and she’s the one I would go to about everything or we would just sit there and gossip while watching E network and I can’t get it thru my head that I won’t have that anymore . I hope I’m even responding correctly , this site is a little confusing ! I literally just want to text everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mayjunejuly Posted August 24, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2018 Hi Frances, Your experience mirrors almost exactly what I went through in February. My 62 year old mom passed away one week before my 26th birthday. I totally understand the roller coaster of emotions that you're feeling right now, and all I can say is that I'm open to talking if you need someone. The people that love you want to be there for you, but if they've never experienced it there's no way that they can really know. This forum has helped me a lot in finding other people who know that I've been feeling. Ill be thinking about you, your mom, and everyone else who loves her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mayjunejuly Posted August 24, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2018 And I just read your last post- if you want someone to text, I'm totally open to that. We can private message details if you want <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Frances91 Posted August 24, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2018 5 hours ago, mayjunejuly said: And I just read your last post- if you want someone to text, I'm totally open to that. We can private message details if you want <3 Exactly what you said ! i m sorry for your loss as well, I have so many questions!! If you don’t mind ... this site is a bit confusing I feel like an old lady that can’t control my device lol. Go ahead and message me and I’ll give you my number . its so crazy how close I feel to the people on this forum versus the people I’ve known for years ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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