Weekend

[Just here]

I always want the weekend to come when I’m at work but it gets here and the I miss him so much. I remember all the memories and just wish I had Ed back! We always did something fun on the weekends if it was having a date night, going trampoline park with our daughter, family game night, watching movies, amusement park, water parks, zip lining (best date ever), and etc the list could go on and on!! But all I want during the work week is for the weekend then I realize he’s gone and I’m so lonely and miss him more then words can explain! Does anyone else feel this way?

[Jamiei]

Yes I know exactly how you feel! It’s saturday morning and it was my favorite day with Dewayne! He loved going to the beach and we’d just make a day out of it! College football is about to start and we planned our weekends around FSU games! My sons taking me to the opener September 3 and I can’t imagine being there without him! So yes I know exactly how your feeling everyday is a struggle! I’m so sorry your going through this pain too!

[KayC]

Oh yeah!  Weekends and nights were the hardest.  Now that I'm retired, one day is pretty much the same as another except I do a lot of volunteer work so have someplace to go almost every day.  Since I can no longer drive at night, evenings are spent alone now.  I miss the spontaneity George brought to our marriage, and he loved driving so that was never an issue like it is for me now.  I seriously don't know what I'd do without my dog and cat.

[BetsyD]

On 8/18/2018 at 9:01 AM, KayC said:

he loved driving so that was never an issue like it is for me now

I SO get that! I hate driving at night - where I live has all dark two-lane roads so I avoid going out unless I can get home before dark...and daylight savings will be over in a couple of months so I guess I will be pretty much home by 4:30 every day. I hate it. Tom was fearless, so we could go anywhere, anytime. Just another part of the emotional darkness - fear of the real one. 

 

On 8/18/2018 at 9:01 AM, KayC said:

I seriously don't know what I'd do without my dog and cat.

As much as I would like to sleep in once in a while, my three dogs and two cats get me up every morning like clockwork at 6:30. And I don't know what I would do without them in the house. Of course, one of them is pretty up there in terms of age and arthritis, so, of course, I also panic at the idea of something happening to her at night since the nearest emergency vet is over an hour away. My own vet lives around the corner, but has made it clear he doesn't work after hours, even though when Tom died he said "anything you need any time, Betsy, just call on me" - short lived attempt.

Still, they are my company. And since I work from home, they are with me all the time. I get it.

[KayC]

Yeah, since my husband died, our cat Tigger took one look at me two months later, as if committing me to memory, turned tail and left, and I never saw him again.  It was as if he'd been waiting for George to come home and when he didn't, he decided to strike out on his own. One year after my husband died, our cat, King George passed away from cancer.  I had gotten a cat, Chappy after Tigger left, and a year later he died (cougar).  Three years after my husband died, Lucky (dog) passed, and the cat I adopted after George died, Miss Mocha, passed eight years later.  I lost my mom nine years after George died, and my sister Donna a few months ago, and now may lose my sister Peggy.  She is not only my sister, but my lifelong best friend and seeing her suffering has been really hard.  She crushed her back vertebrae in a fall nearly 3 1/2 months ago, had the surgery three weeks ago, and has been horribly worse ever since.  Yesterday she took another fall during PT possibly getting a concussion, they didn't take her to the doctor (she's in a rehab facility).  I don't see her ever being able to come home and resume the life she had, she needs taken care of.    Her dementia has taken a marked turn for the worse, which makes it hard to know what is going on with her, we get differing stories every time we talk with her.

Loss has come to be a way of life, it's with me each and every day and will be the rest of my life.  I'm not liking it much.  Gone are the carefree days George and I used to swim in each other's eyes, lost in our love...gone are the days we'd take off and go to the coast or for a beautiful country drive.  Gone is our camping, our way of life, it's all different now...me alone and the occasional visit with my GFs, none of which I'm that close to.  I've lost intimacy.  The closest thing I have to it are my dog and cat, they are my family now, I've had my dog since he was one and my cat since she was 12, although I knew her before...they are now 10 1/2 and 23.  How much longer will I have them?  I try not to think about it...I take each day at a time and try to make the most of it.