Lost my dad in July..

[Clos]

First of all I’ve signed up to this website because I’m at a bit of a loss. I don’t like opening up and like to keep my emotions in check but really don’t know where to go from here.  

 

First started when my mum died of a brain tumour in October 2015. She had battled long and hard, even beating breast cancer a year before. She sadly passed away and left a huge gap in our lives. With the help of my girlfriend and my dad they got me through a real rough patch of lashing out, being depressed and extreme anxiety. 

 

My dad was never a heavy heavy drinker but he did drink more than the usual, at least every day. Increased more once my mum had passed. My dad met a new girlfriend last year and had been living his life like he was 18 again, having fun and enjoying life. Since my mum passed I had actually moved to Spain to try a life there for myself (I grew up in Spain). Also part of moving was that me and my dad were at a bit of loggerheads and was better to have my own house. Moving away improved our relationship massively and felt like I had my best friend again. 

 

I got news my dad had went into hospital because he was bad with jaundis. This was down to the poor diet and the excessive alcohol use. He was in hospital for 4 weeks and we had been speaking every day and I had flown over to see him a couple of times. He phoned me a Friday afternoon to say he was getting out the Sunday. I went to bed and woke up to a call at 5am to say I better get home. My dad had unexpectedly took a stroke and was in a bad way in high dependency unit. I flew straight home and my heart broke seeing him lying there, my dad, my best friend so ill and at death doors. 

 

Doctors gave him small chance of pulling through. A few more days had past and I was back home as I had to get back to work (as I had started a new job) and my dad looked to be picking up, wasn’t out the woods but definitely looked better than expected. He was slowly improving and getting stronger. He couldn’t speak properly and only muttered a few words but he was still here. 

 

Two weeks had past and no change until he picked up a really bad infection and his kidneys and liver started to fail. I flew home again and was told the devastating news they couldn’t do anymore and it was only a matter of time. 

 

My dad passed away a few days later 6th of July. 

 

I feel like my world has just came crashing down, my best pal who I could phone anytime to speak too just isn’t there anymore, my mum and my dad the two most important people in my life have gone and just nothing feels the same. When my mum had passed I had my dad to lean on, and now my dad has I don’t know who to turn too.  My girlfriend and their family are great, they’ve been with me every step of the way but it just isn’t the same. I try telling them how I feel but just feel like they don’t understand, no one does. Just feels like I’m in a big hole that I can’t get out and nothing is going to make it better. 

 

Feel like I’ve went on too much and apologies for such a big post on my first one but just felt writing it down would make me feel a bit better. 

 

[Butterfly2017]

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my Mom last April and my Dad this March so I am just drifting heartbroken. Each day I carry on but it feels like I am just going tbrough the motions as can't quite believe they have gone.

It has changed me. My family is being great and supportive but some days I just want to hide.

All I can say is, be kind to yourself and take time too. It is new world we are having to accept now.

[Nicole-my grief journey]

Clos,

I’m im that hole too. There isn’t any thing I can say to make it better. I can only say that I share in what it’s like to have your world taken from you and feel alone even with support of your girlfriend’s family around you. You’re blessed to have them, but it’s true that don’t fully know (unless it’s happened to them), although they can empathize. As you go along, I hope you will find comfort in them empathizing and helping you with things like eating, getting you outside (even if right now you feel like tou don’t want to do anything). What you feel makes sense to me. I have lost my pillars in this life and I’m trying my damndest to anchor myself. To not block off my feelings and feel them all. I don’t want to feel so much, but it’s impossible when you loved so much and shared your whole life with parents that were your everything. Your whole life was tied to them. Sending warm thoughts your way. Post as much or as little as you want. We are here to listen and share with you and you help others and yourself by doing that.