A Birthday Without My Mother

[elong1969]

My birthday is Sunday. It will be the first birthday without my mother here. She died on September 6, 2010. I am having a hard time dealing with her death. I do not want to celebrate my birthday or really Christmas. I just want to be alone and not be bothered. I know that is bad but it is how I feel. My husband and kids tell me to be happy, my mother would have wanted it but it is so hard to. I have always had her with us and Christmas and my birthday. Any suggestions on how to handle the upcoming events?

[Sierra Rain]

Hello Elizabeth,

I too have lost my Mom recently (9/27/2010), and yes these holidays and birthdays are not the same without our Moms. All I wanted to do on Thanksgiving was stay in bed all day with the covers over my head. My husband and children of course feel a bit differently about the holidays but this is "my grief" process too. What I have decided to do, and maybe it won't help you but I have decided to make this Christmas the best one, for my Mom to honor my Mom. She loved Christmas so much but for a number of reasons she never had the Christmas she wanted so now I am seeing to that she has it. No it doesn't bring Mom back but it does connect me to her some how. I have chosen to celebrate my Mom this way, I hope she feels how much she is loved and missed.

I hope that this helps in some little way. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending you warm thoughts and hugs

Mary

[elong1969]

Thank you Mary. I should look at it this way. Its so hard. Sometimes I wonder why I did not prepare myself for this. I knew she was very sick but I thought she had more time with us. If I had only known.

Hello Elizabeth,

I too have lost my Mom recently (9/27/2010), and yes these holidays and birthdays are not the same without our Moms. All I wanted to do on Thanksgiving was stay in bed all day with the covers over my head. My husband and children of course feel a bit differently about the holidays but this is "my grief" process too. What I have decided to do, and maybe it won't help you but I have decided to make this Christmas the best one, for my Mom to honor my Mom. She loved Christmas so much but for a number of reasons she never had the Christmas she wanted so now I am seeing to that she has it. No it doesn't bring Mom back but it does connect me to her some how. I have chosen to celebrate my Mom this way, I hope she feels how much she is loved and missed.

I hope that this helps in some little way. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending you warm thoughts and hugs

Mary

[Sierra Rain]

Good Morning Elizabeth,

You are SO right, this is very hard. I'm am not so sure that there ever could be preparing for a loss as great at this. My Mom was ill too but there was no way I could have know how empty life would feel be without her. I keep saying my Mom did not define me but our friendship did, so now I feel as though I have lost my definition. There isn't anyone I can talk to like I did with Mom. It's a very lonely world at times now but I think maybe she is still with me. Maybe that sounds funny, I don't know. I guess it's not that our relationship is over it's just different and I need to get used to it.

I think the times that are the hardest for me is when, for that split second I let myself forget, something in my life happens and my first thoughts are to pick up the phone to tell Mom. Then of course reality comes crashing down on me and I go through it all over again like it just happened. Those wreck me each time they happen. It physically hurts, my heart sinks and it knocks the wind out of me. I guess in time those "events" will get less and less.

Hugs,

Mary

Thank you Mary. I should look at it this way. Its so hard. Sometimes I wonder why I did not prepare myself for this. I knew she was very sick but I thought she had more time with us. If I had only known.