Orphan at 19...

[sjmhmm]

I have never done anything like this but I am reaching out for not really advice but just people to relate to. I lost my dad last year on July 4th from Multiple Myeloma a rare bone cancer that ate away his bones. He was originally given 6 months to live in 2012 but he made it to my high school graduation which I will be forever grateful for. My mother essentially saved his life and made it her mission to prolong his life. During this time she became an alcoholic and last month on July 12th, after getting through our 1 year anniversary without Dad, she died abruptly in her bed when I went out to get her stuff because she wasn't feeling well. I have no idea how to pick up the pieces let alone get through this grieving process. There is a lot more to the story that I wont divulge but I was just hoping to see if anyone shares a similar story or could give some general advice on how to wrap my head around being an orphan. My parents were everything to me and everyone who knew them saw them as two of the best, kind-hearted people this world has ever seen. But why them? Why me?

[Msjournae]

Hi sjmhmm I just lost my dad two months ago. Im so sorry you have to deal with this. My dad was my everything. We were very close and I just don't understand why he had to go. My father suffered with kidney disease since 1984 but he always managed to pull through all his health obstacles. In May we found out dad had 100% blockage on his heart on three arteries. There was no option for surgery because the doctors basically said he wouldn't survive open heart surgery. My father died one morning at rehab eating breakfast. He was scheduled to come home June 1st and we made some plans for us because that's what we did. My dad helped raised my 17 year old son and made sure that both of my children was well taken care of. My mom cant be there for me because she is dealing with her loss too. I just don't know what to do. I miss him so much.

[tessa]

Hi sjmhmm, my mother was an orphan at the age of 18.She lost her mother when she was 12 and her father when she was 18.
She made it to the age of 86. Other people will come into your life to fill the void. They will never be your parents but they will help you get through.
I'm sorry for your loss.

[reader]

Dear sjmhmm,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved father and mother. It is very hard to wrap one's mind around the loss of two parents so close together. I think that is one of the hardest parts about life not knowing why? And sometimes even if the universe gave an answer, I would never be satisfied unless I had both my parents with me till they were a 100 years old.

I know its an extremely difficult time. Please know you are not alone. We are all with you. And if you want to maybe consider grief counselling or joining a support group in the community. It helps to talk it out and be around people that understand.

Thinking of you.

[soniasonia]

6 hours ago, sjmhmm said:

I have never done anything like this but I am reaching out for not really advice but just people to relate to. I lost my dad last year on July 4th from Multiple Myeloma a rare bone cancer that ate away his bones. He was originally given 6 months to live in 2012 but he made it to my high school graduation which I will be forever grateful for. My mother essentially saved his life and made it her mission to prolong his life. During this time she became an alcoholic and last month on July 12th, after getting through our 1 year anniversary without Dad, she died abruptly in her bed when I went out to get her stuff because she wasn't feeling well. I have no idea how to pick up the pieces let alone get through this grieving process. There is a lot more to the story that I wont divulge but I was just hoping to see if anyone shares a similar story or could give some general advice on how to wrap my head around being an orphan. My parents were everything to me and everyone who knew them saw them as two of the best, kind-hearted people this world has ever seen. But why them? Why me?

Hi Sjmhmm, 

 

I am so sorry for the losses of your parents. It is an extremely difficult time for you.

(apologies in advance for rambling on and on). 

May 7th I had 2 parents and by May 25th, I had none. I am 32 and the feeling of being parent-less at a young age is bizarre and surreal. Like, did that really happen? And to me? WHY?? I know everyone dies eventually, but this is life's way of a sick joke. It's not fair that these bad things happen to us and sometimes I think there are so many life lessons and reminders that I don't care to learn right now. For me, I keep thinking that I'll never get to tell my parents I'm engaged, have my dad walk me down the aisle, tell them about any baby news, and watch them grow old in general. 

I eventually got used to the idea of not having mom & dad around. It sucks. Especially on the weekend when we would all be together I am now alone in a quiet house. 

I can only imagine what you're going through being 19. I'm sure you've done a lot of growing up when all you wanted to do was be "you." It will take a lot of time to grieve. 

Someone said it in the comments earlier that no one can replace your parents, just fill the void. Surround yourself with those who have a positive effect on you, can help you, etc. I'm sure no one around you knows what you're going through and can only offer general "i'm sorry for your loss" comments. That's how I feel, anyway.

Do one thing at a time picking up the pieces and if someone offers help, take it. It's not easy doing it alone. Do you have siblings or close friends to trust to help with? 

[sjmhmm]

On 8/9/2018 at 9:29 AM, soniasonia said:

Hi Sjmhmm, 

 

I am so sorry for the losses of your parents. It is an extremely difficult time for you.

(apologies in advance for rambling on and on). 

May 7th I had 2 parents and by May 25th, I had none. I am 32 and the feeling of being parent-less at a young age is bizarre and surreal. Like, did that really happen? And to me? WHY?? I know everyone dies eventually, but this is life's way of a sick joke. It's not fair that these bad things happen to us and sometimes I think there are so many life lessons and reminders that I don't care to learn right now. For me, I keep thinking that I'll never get to tell my parents I'm engaged, have my dad walk me down the aisle, tell them about any baby news, and watch them grow old in general. 

I eventually got used to the idea of not having mom & dad around. It sucks. Especially on the weekend when we would all be together I am now alone in a quiet house. 

I can only imagine what you're going through being 19. I'm sure you've done a lot of growing up when all you wanted to do was be "you." It will take a lot of time to grieve. 

Someone said it in the comments earlier that no one can replace your parents, just fill the void. Surround yourself with those who have a positive effect on you, can help you, etc. I'm sure no one around you knows what you're going through and can only offer general "i'm sorry for your loss" comments. That's how I feel, anyway.

Do one thing at a time picking up the pieces and if someone offers help, take it. It's not easy doing it alone. Do you have siblings or close friends to trust to help with? 

Sorry just saw this, Yeah right now it seems kinda crazy like no one can relate to me but I can relate to every word you said. I've had to mature pretty fast when I just wanted to be like every other kid and yeah the "I'm sorry for your loss" comments are nice but pretty much just white noise at this point. I have close friends but they all really don't know how to react now I guess they think I wan't space but it's kinda the opposite. I make friends more with older people since they are the ones who can actually relate to me and reciprocate some of the same feelings I have. I'm sorry that you're going through the same thing I am, I think no matter what age you lose your parents at the pain is inevitable. Thank you and everybody else for sharing your thoughts and condolences.