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I'm new at this . . .


By Moonlight

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Hello. I am new to forums and not really sure I know what to expect.

Even though I have friends, I have been so very much alone since I lost my husband and partner, my best friend of 15 years. I just decided I must reach out and possibly this forum can be the way I can do so.

A devastating, fast moving cancer took him from me just six months ago. We were together so long. We hiked and travelled together. We talked about everything. We had so many plans for the future. We had finally found each other after both experiencing failed previous marriages. I guess though I loved him totally, I took him for granted. I was so very unprepared for his passing. I never imagined I would ever lose him.

I fear that my friends have grown tired of comforting me, are growing annoyed by my inability to "move on". There are times that the pain is so all-consuming that I can only cry. And I guess to some extent that is because I am overworked and really have no outlet.

I have carried on with our business without him, often totally exhausted by filling both of our pairs of shoes. I have tried to be strong around friends and family mainly because I don't feel anyone out there really hears me.

I have tried reading about the process of pulling myself out of the ashes, of attempting to recreate myself in a way that brings fulfillment, perhaps a new direction in life and, to some extent, I am succeeding. I have recently sought out an outlet for creating art and joined a group of sculptors. This is something I used to do in my younger, less preoccupied life. I find it is good to get back to a creative place after all these years. I am battling with the process of "illustrating" our death process and my hope of rebirth in this clay medium. But I feel I really have to do this to work my way through the loss and get on to my new relationship with my husband.

There are so many questions I am confronting. I sometimes feel that perhaps I need to sell everything and start a new life, to travel or investigate a career of serving others. Perhaps the answers will all come with time. The pain is so hard to deal with at times. I guess I just need to hear from others who may know what I am feeling.

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Hello. I am new to forums and not really sure I know what to expect.

Even though I have friends, I have been so very much alone since I lost my husband and partner, my best friend of 15 years. I just decided I must reach out and possibly this forum can be the way I can do so.

A devastating, fast moving cancer took him from me just six months ago. We were together so long. We hiked and travelled together. We talked about everything. We had so many plans for the future. We had finally found each other after both experiencing failed previous marriages. I guess though I loved him totally, I took him for granted. I was so very unprepared for his passing. I never imagined I would ever lose him.

I fear that my friends have grown tired of comforting me, are growing annoyed by my inability to "move on". There are times that the pain is so all-consuming that I can only cry. And I guess to some extent that is because I am overworked and really have no outlet.

I have carried on with our business without him, often totally exhausted by filling both of our pairs of shoes. I have tried to be strong around friends and family mainly because I don't feel anyone out there really hears me.

I have tried reading about the process of pulling myself out of the ashes, of attempting to recreate myself in a way that brings fulfillment, perhaps a new direction in life and, to some extent, I am succeeding. I have recently sought out an outlet for creating art and joined a group of sculptors. This is something I used to do in my younger, less preoccupied life. I find it is good to get back to a creative place after all these years. I am battling with the process of "illustrating" our death process and my hope of rebirth in this clay medium. But I feel I really have to do this to work my way through the loss and get on to my new relationship with my husband.

There are so many questions I am confronting. I sometimes feel that perhaps I need to sell everything and start a new life, to travel or investigate a career of serving others. Perhaps the answers will all come with time. The pain is so hard to deal with at times. I guess I just need to hear from others who may know what I am feeling.

Hi Phoenix Rising,

I want to first say I am very sorry about the loss of your husband, and I then want to welcome you to our forums You will find many people here who have also lost their precious spouse or significant other. They will be able to provide you with support and encouragement and some advice on how to best get through the difficult times.

Come back and tell us your entire story when you are ready.

ModKonnie

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