What can I do with Mum before I lose her?

[Monte]

Hi all,

First and foremost, I am sorry for your loss of your parent. My post comes from a selfish place, I am sorry if my post offends you because it is not my intention. I will close this thread if deemed appropriate.

My mum is alive and well, and I am grateful. But I am afraid of losing her. My fear is real. I fear her not living a fulfilling relationship with her child before she leaves this world. 

This is an open forum to share your experience and warmest memories, so that I may draw a roadmap with the purpose to foster a fulfilling relationship with the most important woman in my life.

For context, my mother is in her mid 50s, and exhibiting signs of dementia in its initial stages. I don't know if the deterioration will be a slow process or a sudden decline. What I do know is that I can no longer deny the inevitable and natural end of a person's life cycle - be it physiological or in mental capacity.

There may come a day where I will come face to face with her permanent absence and the onset of intense grief which I cannot fathom. On that day, I want to feel comforted. Comforted in knowing that I did my best to reassure her that she was an excellent parent. Comforted by her knowing smile that she experienced the emotional wonders that life had to offer. Again, I apologise for the arrogance and selfish origins of this post.

If you can reflect upon your memories with your beloved parent or as a parent - what are the suggestions for things to do, the conversations to have, with my mother before it's too late?

Thank you,

M.

[Dgiirl]

My dad had a heart attack 4 years before he passed away.  Soon after that he was diagnosed with COPD.  He slowly got worse year after year.  The heart attack was the first wake up call for all of us.  We knew it was eventually coming, so I spent as much time as I could (looking back, definitely not enough).  We took goofy selfies that I treasure today.  I sent him an email about how much I love him and how much he meant to me and how wonderful of a father he was.  He was touched by it all.  When he made his last hospital visit, there was not much to say.  Thankfully we had already said it all.  I spent a month in the hospital with him, just being there for him, helping him eat and helping him be comfortable.  I count myself very lucky to have had that time and those memories. 

I will say it was tremendously hard to go through tho.  Always wondering if this was it.  I mourned a lot before his death.  In some ways it helped.  

Just do what feels natural to you.  Share your feelings.  Don't hold back or have any regrets.  Take photos or video and share some experiences.  Go to a park or an event.  Do stuff she will enjoy.  Try to be in the present moment as much as possible.  These memories will flood back once she's gone

[ashleybaraga]

Tell her you love her so much more than you do regularly. Take lots of photos and videos. Appreciate every moment with her 100 times more. Do more kind things for her. 

[tessa]

Just spend time with her doing the things she loves doing.

[reader]

Dear Monte,

This is a very poignant question. With my own father, I think just doing the every day things can mean a lot. Sharing a coffee, having lunch together, enjoying a movie. Do whatever your mom wants to do. Take lots of pictures and videos. Talk about anything and everything you want to. Don't be afraid to ask your mom everything you want. My father was always very stoic and quiet. I was afraid to upset him or have him tell me I was ridiculous. But now its all too late. I can't even ask him if he wants a coffee.

Do what you can for your mom. And ensure you have little to no regrets if possible.

Thinking of you.