Members BetsyD Posted August 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 3, 2018 I am trying. I really am. When my friends' anniversaries are posted, when pictures of their travels with their partners/soulmates are posted, etc. etc. I sit and cry. I am a good enough friend to wish them "happy anniversary" or to "like" their pics, but inside I am devastated and I just pretty much want to curl up in a ball. Why them? why not me? We were supposed to go to Alaska this week...we were supposed to go to England next year to visit the village from which my Tom's ancestors came to this country in 1532. We were supposed to be together forever. To go to our grandson's christening, to never leave one another. Yet that "supposed to" didn't happen. I know he would never have wanted to leave me. He said that "he had the easy part and he just had to close his eyes" and that I had the hard part - to go on without him. But how do I not feel envious? How do I not wonder why THEY get their trips and their anniversaries and their "supposed tos" and I don't. I don't want to be selfish. And when I see the other side of life, I can't be. After all, WE survived and did things when friends of ours lost their spouses...we went on. I know I am babbling....and I love my friends and wouldn't want them to go through this hell for anything...but does the feeling of envy ever go away? I feel awful about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 4, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 4, 2018 That's a hard question, Betsy. I no longer feel jealous or aggravated when I see a "couple"...I think we all do in the beginning to some extent. I can be truly happy for them, knowing if their lives were dashed just as mine was, it wouldn't make me any happier. But like you said, I see my sister's posts about all of the trips she takes with her husband, and it's hard to understand why one person's life is demolished and the other person left unscathed. It's hard to understand why some get to grow old together while another knows only hardship. I guess that's why I still do the "one day at a time" and try not to compare. Comparisons are real killers. Many choose to take a break from FB because they can't handle the posts. It's like a slap in the face to see everyone else's lives compared to your own. Do what you have to do to protect yourself. I'm lucky...FB wasn't around when George died. MySpace was, but it wasn't the same and wasn't such a big deal...FB seems to flaunt other people's lives before us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sc39 Posted August 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 4, 2018 I feel the same Betsy. It has been 12 days now and i still cannot even answer my phone because i feel nobody can understand the pain i am in and their little condolences are hurtful. I cannot open whatsapp messages because i do not know how to respond. I hate it when friends bring their husbands to my home when they come to offer support...it reminds me that i will never have my love near me to support a friend. I feel cheated, and the unfairness of life is overwhelming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost6263 Posted August 5, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 On 8/3/2018 at 3:02 PM, BetsyD said: I am trying. I really am. When my friends' anniversaries are posted, when pictures of their travels with their partners/soulmates are posted, etc. etc. I sit and cry. I am a good enough friend to wish them "happy anniversary" or to "like" their pics, but inside I am devastated and I just pretty much want to curl up in a ball. Why them? why not me? We were supposed to go to Alaska this week...we were supposed to go to England next year to visit the village from which my Tom's ancestors came to this country in 1532. We were supposed to be together forever. To go to our grandson's christening, to never leave one another. Yet that "supposed to" didn't happen. I know he would never have wanted to leave me. He said that "he had the easy part and he just had to close his eyes" and that I had the hard part - to go on without him. But how do I not feel envious? How do I not wonder why THEY get their trips and their anniversaries and their "supposed tos" and I don't. I don't want to be selfish. And when I see the other side of life, I can't be. After all, WE survived and did things when friends of ours lost their spouses...we went on. I know I am babbling....and I love my friends and wouldn't want them to go through this hell for anything...but does the feeling of envy ever go away? I feel awful about it. I deleted my fb account 3 months ago and it has helped. I hope it gets easier for all of us one day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 5, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 20 hours ago, Sc39 said: the unfairness of life is overwhelming. Yes it is. I had to learn not to compare because it was so self-defeating...whether comparing to others or even just to our own life together. I had to learn to do my time, stand alone on its own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveGoli Posted August 5, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 On 8/4/2018 at 3:32 AM, BetsyD said: I am trying. I really am. When my friends' anniversaries are posted, when pictures of their travels with their partners/soulmates are posted, etc. etc. I sit and cry. I am a good enough friend to wish them "happy anniversary" or to "like" their pics, but inside I am devastated and I just pretty much want to curl up in a ball. Why them? why not me? We were supposed to go to Alaska this week...we were supposed to go to England next year to visit the village from which my Tom's ancestors came to this country in 1532. We were supposed to be together forever. To go to our grandson's christening, to never leave one another. Yet that "supposed to" didn't happen. I know he would never have wanted to leave me. He said that "he had the easy part and he just had to close his eyes" and that I had the hard part - to go on without him. But how do I not feel envious? How do I not wonder why THEY get their trips and their anniversaries and their "supposed tos" and I don't. I don't want to be selfish. And when I see the other side of life, I can't be. After all, WE survived and did things when friends of ours lost their spouses...we went on. I know I am babbling....and I love my friends and wouldn't want them to go through this hell for anything...but does the feeling of envy ever go away? I feel awful about it. I deactivated his and mine fb account last year and it helped me. I still don't have courage to activate that account so its better like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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