Members Love88AJ Posted August 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2018 It's 3 days to 6 months now... What?.... Why does it feel so fresh?.. stupid question. I know. I am sorry. My mind is just about everywhere and I am this close to losing it. Update - I want to know if this is a common experience?.... Do your friends going through the loss of the same person(your lover) as a brother, best friend, etc., for the few months after their passing away, slowly keep moving away, even if you were very close to them as well because of a common observation from all friends is that your aura/vibe is sort of negative and a big reminder of what they've lost too?..... Honestly, I feel like now I am grieving the loss of my best friends too... Some of them say it's nothing like what I think is actually going on and some of them told me they need their space and they think it's good for both the parties to heal separately first in order to be able to help each other... By nature I am a people person.. I love to be around love... It's been more than one and half months since my best friend (his sister) has spoken to me.. she is like family to me . And same time since I have met their pet who I am so in love with... I start getting feelings like maybe I was never family to her... Which may not be true.. because she is going through a huge loss herself.. but what if I am not?.. I suddenly have no contact to anything that was stable in my life.. the only reason I am getting through this is my parents, sister and a few friends who don't want to be rid off me yet.. but mostly what I keep hearing is the more you keep talking about him sadly, the more people will keep moving away from you because it's like a fresh wound to them too.. but how do I just talk normal things if I am not even given the chance to do it? How can I be a positive/ calming person if I am not even allowed to be there for them/ with them.. this is the lonliest I have felt in a long time/ ever..... Is there something I should be doing that I am not? I am working regularly.. I teach kids... I workout as much as I can.. I am seeing a psychiatrist.. going to see someone for REBT/CBT tomorrow.. in the city that I live, there doesn't seem to be a particular therapist for grief Counselling.... I know these are a lot ofquestions.. I would love some help please..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 2, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 2, 2018 My friends disappeared overnight, so did his, so did his family. Only my family stayed by me but they didn't have a clue what this was like. It's hard, it seems it re-writes your address book. In time you'll find friends that do get it, and that helps. This is all too common, as explained here: https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/11/in-grief-feeling-let-down-by-closest.html You ask how you talk about mundane things when he is ever on your heart and mind...it helps to go to a grief support group. There, people get it. There, you can talk about him. You say you're seeing a psychiatrist but that's not exactly the same as a professional grief counselor. You might contact hospice, they may offer suggestions. I'm sorry you're finding yourself so alone, I went through that as well, it was very hard. It is them, not you. It's not that you're doing anything wrong, people are uncomfortable with death, it's the one thing they can't "fix" and they feel helpless so they avoid you. Kind of like burying their head in the sand. It's a downfall of our culture, people really need educated about grief and how to support someone through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Love88AJ Posted August 5, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 On 8/2/2018 at 9:27 PM, KayC said: It's hard, it seems it re-writes your address book It's so true..... One thing I am learning is, there are very few who actually make time to be your friend in need..... And that truly only you can help yourself by understanding the true wisdom that you have inside of you and how to tune out all the "supposed to dos" and heal the way you heal.. that being very expressive doesn't make my mourning itself dramatic or selfish... It's just who I am.. expressive.. someone in need of just anybody ready to listen..... and vice versa for every different individual..... On 8/2/2018 at 9:27 PM, KayC said: It's not that you're doing anything wrong, people are uncomfortable with death, it's the one thing they can't "fix" and they feel helpless so they avoid you. They behave like it didn't happen at all and expect the same from me.. I guess this is how you find out who your true friends really are..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Spengler Posted August 5, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 5, 2018 I think many of us have experienced a variant of this, that people we have been close to draw away from us . Why? Because they have trouble dealing with another person's grief. And because we are an all too visible reminder that they, too, will someday lose loved ones and experience grief themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ka9219 Posted August 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 6, 2018 Love, I am so sorry for your loss, in so many ways losing someone we love is losing ourselves as well, so far I have learn a couple of things that may help you (I am already over the one year mark) We all grieve differently mainly because we all lose different things, referring to friends, parents and siblings. For us is the biggest lost if you ask me, it is not that other people is suffering less, but we lost our partner, the one who should be there telling us "everything is going to be fine", our life and future was the one that scramble down to dust. Instead, friends and siblings are missing a part of their life but not the core, as we are. Second, people is afraid of pain, and they will push away all this sad memories and sad things that might bring pain to them, that's why we go the point we feel we are getting loneler. For me wasn't that hard because I am asocial and introvert, yet I have this loneliness mainly because they few who stayed around I pushed them away because they are not him, and second because I don't care about the empty words. You are doing good but overall don't push yourself too hard, some people says everything will be ok at some point, but 6 months is too early. Things changed and will keep chanching, life is **** and unfair. I wish I could give you real consolation but grieving is an unknown path, I have widower friends who end up building really good friendships after their lost, some of us stayed apart and alone. I hope this could help you at least a little, sending hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 6, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 6, 2018 On 8/5/2018 at 5:56 AM, Spengler said: And because we are an all too visible reminder that they, too, will someday lose loved ones and experience grief themselves. Yep! And no one likes reminded of their mortality or how quickly their life can change! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Love88AJ Posted August 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2018 On 8/5/2018 at 6:26 PM, Spengler said: I think many of us have experienced a variant of this, that people we have been close to draw away from us . Why? Because they have trouble dealing with another person's grief. And because we are an all too visible reminder that they, too, will someday lose loved ones and experience grief themselves. I understand what you mean..... I think it makes a lot of sense when you see it like that..... Hurtful but makes sense..... But also weirdly understandable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Love88AJ Posted August 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 7, 2018 22 hours ago, Ka9219 said: wish I could give you real consolation You taking out this time for me by itself means so much to me! Thank you.... Really... Also yes, I think people are scared of pain... I was too... Now I just go through it and let it happen to me so that I don't keep it all in and build it up..... It does seem weird how slowly yet how so quickly 6 months have passed. Every minute has been excruciating but it feels like just yesterday, this all happened..... I think time sort of froze right there..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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