Name issues

[Nely]

I got married to my soul mate in 2015. In 2017, he processed my change of name with the appropriate authorities.however, I didn't not effect chAnges at my workplace,bank or anywhere else , though some of my IDs bear my husband's name.

Now I feel so terrible that I didn't effect the changes at the necessary places. One of the reasons why I delAyed wAs that I wanted to complete my masters program which I was running  At the time before the nAme change is effected in the necessary places. 

I don't wAnt to bear my maiden name , I just wAnt to beAr my husband's name. But it will seem awkward starting all that process, especially at work, when everyone knows he is no more here. 

I also feel so bad especially that he'd asked me to change it at work while he was here and I felt I could always do it. 

Please I need advice here. It didn't seem wrong using that maiden name while he was here but ever since he passed, I feel so much guilt every time I have to write my nAme down and I don't use his. Please help me.

My heart is so heavy. I'm just an emotional wreck.

[LeannC45]

1 hour ago, Nely said:

I got married to my soul mate in 2015. In 2017, he processed my change of name with the appropriate authorities.however, I didn't not effect chAnges at my workplace,bank or anywhere else , though some of my IDs bear my husband's name.

Now I feel so terrible that I didn't effect the changes at the necessary places. One of the reasons why I delAyed wAs that I wanted to complete my masters program which I was running  At the time before the nAme change is effected in the necessary places. 

I don't wAnt to bear my maiden name , I just wAnt to beAr my husband's name. But it will seem awkward starting all that process, especially at work, when everyone knows he is no more here. 

I also feel so bad especially that he'd asked me to change it at work while he was here and I felt I could always do it. 

Please I need advice here. It didn't seem wrong using that maiden name while he was here but ever since he passed, I feel so much guilt every time I have to write my nAme down and I don't use his. Please help me.

My heart is so heavy. I'm just an emotional wreck.

I understand how you feel regarding your last name. I was actually the opposite I had my last name hyphenated and in two months after my husband passed away I had my name changed back to my maiden name only. I just didn't want anyone to ask me about being married or about my husband. Now I feel completely different and realize that I could have carried his name as long as I wanted to. I will be my husband's wife in my heart FOREVER. I don't need a name to tell me that. I too dragged my feet and never changed my bank, I did change my name with my job which I also had changed back to my maiden name. I guess for me it was part of forcing myself to accept that I am on my own no matter how much I want what I had. It's hard because grieving is a liquid state that evolves and our feelings are all over the place. I say do what is right for you no matter what people think. This is your journey to get through not anyone else's. 

[Nely]

Dear LeannC45,

Thank you so much for your response.I'm grateful. You are right

9 minutes ago, LeannC45 said:

I say do what is right for you no matter what people think. This is your journey to get through not anyone else's. 

I will do what feels right and gives me peace. The one person who mattered the most is the one gone, sadly....

I just wish I didn't drag feets on this issue. I feel so terrible

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Nely said:

I just wAnt to beAr my husband's name. But it will seem awkward starting all that process, especially at work, when everyone knows he is no more here. 

There is nothing wrong with you going through with using your husband's name.  Don't worry what others think, chances are they'll understand and if they don't, oh well!  You can merely tell them you'd taken his name legally and just hadn't gotten around to notifying everyplace but now want it to be consistent.  Or you can tell them that whether he's dead or not, you earned the right to bear his name and want to do just that.  Surely they can't object!

And I hope you can stop feeling bad that you didn't act on it sooner, how were you to know how things would go?

 

[Nely]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

how were you to know how things would go?

@KayC, so true. I didn't expect that our life will change so suddenly.

3 hours ago, KayC said:

There is nothing wrong with you going through with using your husband's name.  Don't worry what others think, chances are they'll understand and if they don't, oh well! 

Thank you so much for this. After all, they very insignificant in the scheme of things that concern my life right now.

Thank you for your words full of wisdom.

[KayC]

I've learned to pay attention to what I need to do for me rather than wasting time worrying about what others might think.  The others...they haven't been through this, they aren't me.