The loss of my beautiful girlfriend

[Cantlivewithouther18]

It's been 4 weeks since my girl took her own life , I found her , she gave no signs that she was feeling that low , low enough to do such a drastic thing, I've lost my girl and my best friend all in one day, my heart aches I can't get my head round it, a can't even look at pics ov her still my heart is broken so much , I'm lost I can't even think straight , it won't even sink in wot she has done, how do I get on with everyday life ? How do I know she's happy, my heart breaks so much , someone please help 

[skyokwa]

Quote

 

My ex husband took his life on 6/29/2018.  We were best friends and I saw him the night before.  He said that he was really depressed and I scolded him for spending money foolishly. He texted me the next day and said Take care i will miss you. I was moving about 2 hours away and did not think he would commit suicide.  I feel like you do i am sorry I divorced him recently but I was also sad because I just had my 4th miscarriage.  I feel so lonely no one to talk too.

[Miye]

@Cantlivewithouther18 I am very sorry for your loss.  

My thoughts are with you

 

[KayC]

Suicide is grief multiplied, complicated grief, you're dealing with a whole other layer of stuff.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost a friend to suicide last week and his wife is having such a hard time, she is pregnant and has a one year old and nine year old to raise alone.  They had lost four children and then his dad commit suicide, he found him and never got over that, that was about a year ago.  Now he's left his wife with the same legacy.  

I met this family through my other grief forum, years ago, they had suffered other losses of close in-laws.  I've never seen a family with so much grief and devastation, they have the Kennedy family beat.  Another lady on our forum, a dear friend of mine, wrote this article and posted it today regarding the suicide we are all grappling with.  (BTW, I don't mean to equate the loss of a friend with the loss of a SO, I've lost my spouse, I know how drastically it affects your life).

SUICIDE

 When someone you know dies by suicide your world narrows and all your thought goes to that one act.  It makes no sense to ask the question why because we know there isn’t an answer.  What we can do is try to understand what it is that makes someone believe that there is no other choice.  When you lose someone whom you loved dearly your world as you knew it is no longer.  Even though you are here as a living human being something inside you died as well.  You can no longer interact with the person as you used to.  That choice has been taken from you.  There is no more opportunity to engage in discussion.  There is no more sitting together and talking about just what it is that makes us wonder ~ wonder about the future ~ wonder about the consequences of our actions that day ~ wonder about the guidance of our leaders and what it means for those who come after us.  Everything you think you had is now no longer because the one person you’d talk to has chosen to end the pain of his/her life.  Suicide is about ending pain.  Suicide isn’t about the thought of others.  Others don’t figure into the picture at the time one decides to end their life.  I think it is like having tunnel vision ~ one sees only what is directly in front of him/her.  The object is to get to the end of that tunnel to find an escape from the pain.  A pain so excruciating that the only way out is to say I’ve had enough and this is all I can take.  I think that when one takes his/her own life it is a deliberate act.  It isn’t an accident.  It isn’t about wanting to hurt someone.  It is only about ending the pain.  The suicidal person can be surrounded by love and caring.  It is an internal struggle and not about what someone did or didn’t do.  

 I believe we need to listen to one another.  To ask the question ~ how are you doing?  To send an encouraging text/note to someone to let them know you care. We need to tell someone we love him/her and they are important to us.  By doing this does not mean that the person will not choose suicide but it might help those who survive to feel less guilty.  I think it is normal to feel guilty when a loved one dies by suicide. We are left to ask questions ~ did I do enough ~ was I tuned into what was going on ~ etc… The thing is it’s not about us. It is about the person in pain. I think it is also normal for us to be angry. I am angry for those left behind who are left to wonder now what do I do ~ how do I go on ~ it just isn’t fair.  I always struggle to find comforting words to those left behind.  I want to shout out that the person was selfish, thoughtless, a coward, but if I do that then I forget what I really believe and that is suicide is not about any of us rather it is only about the one who suffers the pain.

We need to open the topic of suicide up more to dialogue and to not be afraid to discuss the topic.

Credits to Anne Gorman ~ July 2018  

 http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/grief-support-for-survivors-of-suicide.html

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/11/surviving-spouses-suicide.html

 

Suicide.docx

[Elle N]

On 7/31/2018 at 9:07 PM, Cantlivewithouther18 said:

It's been 4 weeks since my girl took her own life , I found her , she gave no signs that she was feeling that low , low enough to do such a drastic thing, I've lost my girl and my best friend all in one day, my heart aches I can't get my head round it, a can't even look at pics ov her still my heart is broken so much , I'm lost I can't even think straight , it won't even sink in wot she has done, how do I get on with everyday life ? How do I know she's happy, my heart breaks so much , someone please help 

I’m so sorry for your loss.

my fiancé took his life too nearly two months ago now. I felt the same way as you for a start. I had to move any photos of him in our house out the way and I had to move his guitars from our living room. Basically anything that made me think of him hurt so much. You will feel like you want to see her photos thou soon I promise and you will want to watch videos you may have if her etc. It hurts like hell when u think you won’t hear there voice like that again but it also can be comforting on really bad days when u just need them with you.

i have struggled with very dark thoughts every day pretty much since he died and I have stated to have help from someone I can talk to about this. It’s probably way too early for you to do that but it has helped me to have someone to speak to about those thoughts without upsetting my family and friends. 

Ive now started to write something on my calendar everyday that I HAVE to do. It can be something as stupid as get my car washed, but to look at it every morning and think, I need to do that today has helped me try and carry on. I’m still having awful days too thou and my heart literally aches for him every single day. I don’t think that will ever change.

please take care of yourself as best as u can xx