Loss of phoebe my little shadow

[Heather j]

Yesterday I had to make the hardest decision of my life.my little cocker spaniel phoebe has been my shadow for nearly 13 years. She became unwell a week ago and she was in ICU at the vet all this time, in the end it was just one problem leading to another and there was nothing more they could do. I am sick to the stomach without phoebe I am sad beyond comprehension all I want is phoebe back I miss her desperately. This is so much worse than any human who has died in my life. I have panic attacks because I feel it's so final I cry all day I can't live without my little phoebe. I'm at the point where I want to die to be with phoebe if only I could have her back. I look in all the places she always sat and torture myself I call her name all day 

[gainzoid]

Hi Heather. I too just lost my dog Patches last Friday.  The loss is incomprehensible and so painful.  Like my vet said, he did his job so well. That is what makes it so hard for us, to lose someone that was such a deep part of us.  The pure love and acceptance, wanting nothing but our love.  Always there with love.  I have had many losses in my life with this one being one of the most difficult.  It is hard to imagine life without my boy.  I know how you feel Heather.  There are no words to help ease the pain.  Take care of yourself at this difficult time and know there are so many people who understand your deep pain.

[KayC]

2 hours ago, Heather j said:

This is so much worse than any human who has died in my life. 

I know that it is, we are so close to them, they're in our everyday lives, faithful wonderful friends.  I am so sorry for your loss.  The panic attacks are common in grief...if they continue, see your doctor and get some help with them.  You might want to look for a professional grief counselor for pets too.

http://www.griefhealing.com/pet-loss-counseling.htm
 

I wrote this article based on what I've learned in my grief journey with my loss of my husband (13 years ago) and I hope even one of these "tips" will help you. 

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.