Lost my mum to cancer 7months ago

[Chelsey]

On September 22nd 2017 my mum was told she had terminal Colon cancer and 11 weeks later she passed away. On the day after my 24th birthday. The news of her cancer came as a total shock and our lives were so normal up until that day. She was only 54 and very active, happy fun and beautiful. I watched her rapidly deteriorate and at the end held her hand as she took her last breathe along with my Dad and Brother, in the bedroom i grew up in. I went back to work 4 weeks after she died.  I haven't really let my self think too much about whats happened or about her but feel like it has hit me now. I don't know what to do to help me get through this. I miss her so much and the pain is too much to bare. she was my best friend and she gone forever. when will i feel better? 

[reader]

Dear Chelsey,

I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. The grief journey is different for each of us.

Losing a parent is very hard. If you want to maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group in the community or through church.

Talking to one therapist she said it varies from person to person. It can take one year, 18 months, 4 years, there is no fixed timeline.

I also found these websites helpful in understanding my grief.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog.

Keep expressing yourself and know that you are not alone. We are thinking of you.

[Nicole-my grief journey]

Chelsey,

I’m so sorry. I know the heartbreak. A LOT of your story is mine too. My mother was diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer and died shortly there after. We fought hard but there was nothing we could do. There is a lot more to the story, but it’s hard to relive the details and feelings surrounding the hospital stuff and decisions and watching her deteriorate with barely any transparency from the doctors and nurses. My dad, brother and I held her hands. I stroked her hair, gave her kisses, told her how much we loved her, thanked her for all that she gave us, played her favorite songs and held onto her as we watched her take her last breaths. I’m the only one who never left the room and didn’t fall asleep. I never stopped holding her in the hours if the last day. I whispered “you’re my favorite person MumMa, I love you soooo much”.  I too feel like it just hit me. I’ll be going along and then like a truck, it hits me and I lose control. As the days go on without her I feel the loss more and more. It’s good you are back at work so that you have somewhere you need to be. Otherwise, you would just have the constant thoughts about it. I knkw it never leaves your mind even at work, but being at work gives you routine and that’s so important. But take time before and after to feel your feelings completely, continue to share them and write them out. It’s the only way to transform the grief into possibly making it bearable. We are more resilient than we think. I have to continuously remind myself of that. I’m learning grief is unpredictable and that there are bad days, really bad days and then moments of sort of being ok enough to function some. No one can say when we will feel better and some will say never, but I vowed to myself and her, that I will be ok. Even though I feel like I won’t or don’t know how. We owe it to them to find our way. She told me she was worried about me if something were to happen to her because we were so close. I am fighting to continue to go on and keep the promises I made to her. To honor her by living the best life I can. They would want that for us. Hang in there. Love and prayers to you.

Hugs,

Nicole