Members Nely Posted July 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2018 My husband and I have a son together. He is 2years and a few months. My beloved husband passed exactly a month to our son"s second birthday. I had our son via cs as a result of the negligence of the Dr on call that fateful night. It took me over 3months to get over it as I had planned and wanted a normal delivery. In other to heal properly and try a normal delivery, the plan was to wait till our son is about 2years. Around Feb, we started trying for a second baby, 3 months to our sons 2nd birthday. Turned out it didn't work that month and by March, we had to travel. The trip affected our plans as we couldn't have conjugal relations while away. By April 17th, he was gone, suddenly. One of my pains is not achieving that plan of having a second baby for him. I wish I was pregnant, at least with his baby growing inside of me. I feel the decision to wait about two years before taking in again is now so wrong. It hurts even more when I see spouses we got married within same period having two children while others are expecting theirs. I'm really hurting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LJCM Posted July 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2018 Nely, please don't beat yourself up. You have a beautiful son to remind you and will always be a part of your husband. My darling husband passed away 2 months ago and we have 2 young children also. It is very hard to say the least. I don't know what to say other than we are here to help each other through this. Stay strong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nely Posted July 30, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2018 @LJCM, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your response. Truly, our son is such a lively cute boy and he is growing up very smart and intelligent. Sometimes, I can't help but call out to my husband to come see how much of a genius he's son is becoming. It hurts so hard that he is not here to see all that. I'm sorry for your loss. I sincerely wish you strength in taking care of your young children. My Son Is the no.1and only purpose I have figured out so far to go on with life. It's just that I wish I didn't plan as if we have all the time in the world. But again, how would I have known things will change in a flip second. Thanks again LJCM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 30, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted July 30, 2018 Nely, I'm sorry you lost your dreams of having that second child. I'm glad you have your son, I know that doesn't negate your pain of not having a second child, but I do believe it can help to focus on what we have that's good, it takes practice, this grief can really get to us...it's not only the loss of your husband but all of the secondary losses (like a second child) all of the hopes and dreams you had, having to navigate your life without him. This is not something we get over and done with, it affects the rest of our lives! Now I find myself growing old alone, that definitely was not the plan! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Miye Posted August 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 3, 2018 I am very sorry for the pain you are going thru, my heart aches for you... It does. I am 34 and have two little kids. My husband was my everything and l lost him abruptly... We had been intimate a couple days before I lost him and I was afraid I was pregnant, my other two pregnancies took their toll on me and I felt I couldn't go with it. Not for a second I thought of abortion but it all seemed too much ...taking care of my kid, my one y/o, myself, the house and the pregnancy all on my own. I wish I had been stronger to carry his baby again ,I feel guilt that am relieved I am not pregnant. Though I cry for it it would have been another part of the most amazing man this earth has known because he is, for me... I am sorry for the pain that is causing you. I had never told someone about it, there is a lot of things we just keep for ourselves. My prayers are with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted August 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 3, 2018 Sending so much love to you and prayers. I’m sorry for your loss and heartbreak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nely Posted August 3, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 3, 2018 On 7/30/2018 at 7:17 PM, KayC said: it's not only the loss of your husband but all of the secondary losses (like a second child) all of the hopes and dreams you had, having to navigate your life without him. This is not something we get over and done with, it affects the rest of our lives! , You are so right. This is not the kind of life I anticipated and prayed for. It's so hard. @Miye@KayC, you right there. There were so many things we'd plan to do together as A COUPLE. Some of those will never be. There's really no getting over it, rather living with it for the rest of the time one has on earth. @Miyethank you for sharing this with me. I'm so sorry for your loss. 6 hours ago, Miye said: am sorry for the pain that is causing you. I had never told someone about it, there is a lot of things we just keep for ourselves I truly appreciate you sharing your guided thoughts with me. Whenever I look at our son, I always feel he should have a younger one soon, if only I had taken in. I remember January 1st this year, my husband and I knelt down before dawn and prayed for the gift of a second baby. I even shopped for maternity clothes that I can also use at work looking forward to the pregnancy. When by February, I realized I wasn't pregnant, I remembered how I cried that night. Anytime I come across those clothes in my box, the purpose for which they were bought comes vividly to mind, it's so sad. Thank you for feeling my pains and reaching out. I hope you get over the guilt you feel about being relieved. I think going through pregnancy alone, like you said will be overwhelming, hence the relief. I doubt if your husband would want you to go through anything that would break you if he can't be there to be of help. So please go easy. @GrievingMySibling, thank you for your kind words. I'm grateful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 3, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 3, 2018 4 hours ago, Nely said: There's really no getting over it, rather living with it for the rest of the time one has on earth. A very true observation! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Miye Posted August 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 4, 2018 thank you @Nely That is very sad, I read it and cried... I know it adds to the grief. i'm here if you'd like to talk keep your faith, God is with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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