opinion needed

[Brody]

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[kmb22]

Hey Brody,

It so nice to see you coming back, I remember you from your first posting. It's so sweet you continue to remember when I'm sure others are forgetting around them, or at least acting if they have. I think your idea is beautiful and kind. I remember you mentioning you are a bit shy but, I think I would sign the card. I know thank you's can be difficult when attention makes you uncomfortable.

I'll be interested to see the thoughts of others but I think I would love to know the loss of my child has affected someone's heart as the loss of his daughter has affected yours.

[Brody]

Thanks for the nice reply. Three people on another board said the same thing - that I should sign the card. I'm up in the air about it. It's funny, part of me is afraid my ork friend will think I am going a bit overboard. I know it's irrational to think that, but that's my social anxiety working there. I can always just leave a card on his desk tomorrow (incidentally, the three month anniversary of her death) saying that my thoughts will be with him and his family.

[Brody]

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[Guest msnher]

Hi Brody....just my opinion, but I say leave him alone about it. There are times I just don't want to talk about the death of my daughter to certain people and I tell them I'm doing okay to end the conversation. It has nothing to do with them. It has to do with my own comfort level or the situation. I also stop the conversation abruptly if I begin to feel pitied or too much sympathy. I have some very good friends, who are still good friends, who I am not comfortable sharing this journey with. I can't tell the reasons why. I just know that if I was pressed to come up with an answer I would shut down immediately.

You have let your friend know you are there for him if he needs or wants you. Leave it at that. It becomes suffocating when a friend or family member tries too hard to "help" or take care of us or even just carry some of the load.

Somehow, without meaning to, too much concern comes across as patronizing and/or condescending. Just show your friend respect. Be yourself around him. If he wants to talk he'll let you know. In the meantime, when he says he's okay....he's either okay or he doesn't want to talk.

PS - sometimes it's easier to talk to a complete stranger about this pain than it is an old friend. And, kudos to you for remembering those angelversaries. At the one year mark...send the flowers and a card....it will be appreciated!

Peace,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Brody]

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