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Dad died before I knew him


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I lost my dad 3 weeks after my 1st birthday. I have a picture of him, my mum and I on our first and only Christmas together. 

I don’t know how or why, but I cry over him ever once and a while. Sometimes I’m going through a box of his old things (he was a cool dude so there’s always something interesting), other times I’m laying in bed and he crosses my mind. 

There was a time where I couldn’t even say his name (around 7-9) without wanting to cry. 


And recently its it’s just been getting harder. I have a step dad who is taking care of me like his own, but there’s just some part of me that can’t let go of him.

maybe it’s just teenage hormones, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m in pain, with no one to turn to.

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Dear Pauline,

I think everything you said is natural. It is normal to grieve what could have been and what never was even with a loving step dad.

If you want to maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor or family therapist.

Please know we never have to let go of our loved ones but need to find a way to incorporate their memory into our lives. Others have made suggestions to journal or write a letter to your dad and attach it to a balloon and let it go. Making a charity donation in his name or doing something else to honor him.

Please know we are with you. And I hope you will consider reaching out to some community or church resources.

Thinking of you.

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