I’m losing it

[Shala45]

10 weeks ago I lost my husband after he was diagnosed with  stage 4 cancer just four months earlier.  He was always healthy and strong no symptoms that anything was wrong.  I’ve been struggling like so many of us here.  But I don’t understand, I’ve stopped praying because what good did that do?  He was in so much pain,  it was so unfair.  So why, why him, why us, why???  This has got to be a mistake,some kind of horrible mistake, he was 55, we would be celebrating 25 years of marriage, I don’t understand- 

[Glolilly]

Prayers do and continue to work but life has a beginning and an ending regardless of the situation of how we depart. God can sustain and comfort us through pain. He knows how much we can bear. He said he would be our staff as we walk through the shadows of death for he is with us and comforts us. We have no say on what age he allows us to leave and only he truly knows in whole and we know only in part why and how. Praying takes energy. He knows we have no strength and that we also question his decision as most would in our situation. He understands the hurt and doubt of his love. I have no choice but to trust in that he is too wise to make a mistake. He could let some die in their sleep while healthy but maybe he is trying to get their faith and trust up to a level before their departure. You see when everything is perfect sometimes some don't trust in him fully. Not saying this is always for everyone but I've seen it many times. I couldn't believe it happened to us but really why can it be others and not ever me. I didn't want it either and wish it hadn't just passing our 25 years of marriage. But, I have surpassed others but not all. Why now? Only He knows 100% why I can only guess 25% maybe. My husband was 57, so my guess is he was working so hard and we was worried about him working so hard. As a school teacher, coach, deacon in church, for his family, his immediate family. They always called him and not others because he was always willing to help. I tried to slow him down but he said no I'm fine. Now ten won't do what he did alone. I hear them bickering and complaining at school, church, family members, etc. So God gave him early retirement. No matter how I felt, early retirement for him. "Leave a message after the tone and may God bless your life", he would say on his voicemail recording. So I'm happy for him, sad for me. But I'm getting a little better each day. Its been 7 months now. We can get stronger with His help and others on our side. Amen

[KayC]

Shala,

I'm so sorry, you are feeling what so many of us have felt.  You are in the early time and nothing makes sense, questions but no answers.  In time I learned not to ask "why" as I don't know the answer.  I do kn ow God has been there for me but in the first year I felt He was a million miles away, it was me and not Him, I was in shock, frantic, anxious, scared, going through so much...my husband died unexpectedly, heart attack, he was in the hospital the last three days while I was away from home, I only go away once a year, and wouldn't you know it'd be that weekend, he didn't let the doctor call me, I didn't know what was going on and then when I did learn, my sister wouldn't stop her gambling and bring me to him.  I got there four hours before he died, he was asleep and woke up having a heart attack.

Somehow I've gotten through this, one day at a time.  It's been 13 years, now I'm growing old alone, this wasn't my plan, but I know he's still there, I'll be with him again, that gets me through.