Where do I start....

[Just here]

I’m new to this but thought it might help. I just recently lost my best friend, partner in crime, lover, and second half. It’s still so new I don’t know if I even know yet. Know how to feel, what happened, or how I’m going to live with out him. I feel like we were connected on a level that I can’t explain. We told each other everything, had a future plan, and a life together. First I will start by saying I don’t know how I feel. One moment I’m sad and the next just sitting here numb. I don’t know what to do and don’t have that much support. I have amazing friends but all I can think about is my best friend who was always there when I needed him and now I have no one. How can he be taken away from me after we just got started on being happy? It’s not fair that I’m left here with so many unanswered questions. How can I go on? How can I go back to work and act like it’s ok when’s it’s not? I have so many thoughts and questions and just want my best friend back!

[Glolilly]

You can't change what happened because it did happen. You have to take care of you, mentally, emotionally, and physically because you are still here. If it's still within 3 months, you are still fresh in shock, numbness and disbelief. This is the mind protection mechanism normal chain of reaction. Take it slow, try to calm yourself down moment by moment taking one day at a time. Don't worry about the future or weeks from now. I couldn't attend therapy but books, family members calling afar off, attending church later, getting out the house for short periods of time and this website helped me see that others could get better. I didn't know how I felt or should feel because everyone is unique but hearing others helped me see what I thought I felt. No end of life will be clean cut and all caught up with promises and all dreams fulfilled. My husband had many things unfinished-- the water sprinkler part left for the repairman plus the new showerhead for my college sons for their Christmas gift. I had to call days later to reschedule. Also he promised me granite countertops, a new car, to downsize in a few years for retirement and to travel. I think,.. we all HAD our lists. Yes, the one left has the hardest part since most couples don't leave at the same time... Their are are so many unanswered questions that we must remember that poem that says, "help me change the things I can and accept the things that I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference". The serenity prayer. We will forever love our partners, our best friends and soul mates and nothing will change that, but we must change gradually into a person who accept and agree to find a fulfilled life. We will depart and see them very soon. Everyone's mission is different and separate. My husband finished his course. We are still here for a reason and purpose outside of them.

[KayC]

Just here,

You don't say how long it's been, only that it's recent, but you're probably still in shock which is kind of a blessing in that it protects us and the numbness begins to wear off eventually, giving us glimpses of reality as we're more able to handle it.  It's our body's way of protecting us until we can.  I was frantic when my husband died, terrified, I didn't see how I could live without him, then someone told me to take one day at a time, and that was the best advice I could get.  I also learned to acknowledge and embrace any good that I saw, no matter how small, and that helped me tremendously to live in the present moment and maintain positive attitude.  There are so many things we cannot control in life, death seeming to be one of them, our response is about all we have control over but it takes much to learn how to do that, much much practice and it's one of the hardest things in the world.  I am so sorry that you too are missing your other half, your soul mate, your best friend and lover.  It's been 13 years since mine's been gone and I know I'll be with him again, it gets me through this.  One day at a time.  We'll be here for you as you go through it if you want us to.

People can't understand if they haven't been through it, our friends and his family all disappeared on me, some even before the funeral, the rest on that day.  That was hard for me to understand but in the time since I've learned that a lot of people are uncomfortable with death or don't know what to say, so they just disappear.  I would not do that to a friend/family member.  I made new friends.  This was definitely the hardest thing I've been through but I know if I can get through it, anyone can.  I don't think of myself as strong or weak, just trying to get through each day as it comes and doing my best with the cards I'm dealt.  I lost my job soon after he died, it was the beginning of the recession, I lost my job three times since he died, the last time I decided to call it quits and retired.  That first week I found out I needed a new roof and 40' ramp, an expense I wasn't figuring on, but somehow I've made it, never lost my home or went without a meal.  

As Glolilly brought up the Serenity Prayer, I love that, it's helpful to all of us going through such hard places.  

[Just here]

Thanks guys... today was worse then yesterday. But reading what everyone says does help a little. I’m just trying to take it minute by minute. Sitting her alone just makes me miss him so much. 

[KayC]

This is a journey that is up and down, grief can come afresh in waves, unexpected and slam us, I've learned not to fight them, but to ride them out.  It's okay to cry.  I haven't always cried at convenient times either, I did so at work, I did so on the convenience van (during car repair), I've cried on my long commute from work, I've cried in the grocery store as I saw something I knew he'd love to eat.  It's okay.  Most of those people we won't see again anyway, and the ones that do know us (like at work) understand and care.