Members LJCM Posted July 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2018 I am coming up to 2 months without my beautiful husband, best friend, rock, soulmate and the father of my children. I am so upset, angry and scared. This week is mine and the kids first week without my family staying since the tragic accident and although we have got through, I am still as scared as ever and I don't think it's ever going to fade... I have 2 beautiful young children that I need to get up for each morning (otherwise I know I would just hide in the darkness of my bedroom). My children are at the age where they don't understand that dad's never coming home, and although kids are resilient, I find me putting on a brave face for them and naturally everybody else thinks I am doing ok. Behind closed doors, it's a totally different story!!!!! I need to go back to work late next week (for the first time). I am not ready, but at least I am returning on my terms and 2 days a week because the bills still need to be paid and once the kids start back at school, I am scared I will go crazy. I am asking what is the point? Everyone has gone back to their lives and it seems like everyone has gotten "over it". Everyone that is, except for me!!!!! I don't want to go back to normal, I don't want to get over it.... What's the point in life? (Don't get me wrong, I won't do anything silly because I have my beautiful children who I love with all my heart, and I promised my husband I will make him Proud of me and the children.) But this is just the sun comes up, I exist, sun goes down, then everything is on repeat..... What do I do??? How long does this last? I'm sorry for the rant...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Spengler Posted July 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2018 It's not a rant, and I think most all of us have had the same feelings. What's the point? The point is to keep going on, to keep parenting your children. The point is that you must. Must. You are fortunate that you have your beautiful children to give immediate meaning to your life. Your children are a gift to you from the Lord, and from your husband. He lives on in them. Some of us are alone, all alone, and we have to reinvent ourselves as being not part of a couple. How long does it last? It lasts for the rest of your life, but with the passage of time it will take on new meaning and acceptance will come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 21, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted July 21, 2018 Spengler is right, grief has no end, it's changed our lives forever, but our grief evolves and doesn't stay the same. The pain will lessen into something easier to carry someday, but it takes time to process our grief. It took me about three years to process it, everyone is different. You have your children to keep going for. You ask what the point in life is, I think that's something each of us wonder about when we go through this...it can take years to find purpose, it's different for each of us as we're all motivated differently, but it will come. Right now, instead of asking open-ended questions you may not be able to figure out right now, just focus on getting through today...getting through today, that's enough, functioning, that's alot to deal with right now. I had to go back to work full time after two weeks off because I needed $ to live, no life insurance, we were in the process of signing up for it when he died! I think going back to work was helpful to me, but it was hard to focus and do my job, fortunately they were patient and understanding. My job ended within a few months because of the recession and looking for work was really really tough but somehow I survived it. I know it doesn't seem possible but you will get through this, take it a day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Miye Posted July 22, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2018 I could use your same words to describe my amazing husband, I. Just lost him 5 months ago today. I've felt the same way and though it hurts deeply I've got to admit that my purpose in life is more than being his wife, I'll feel like (( his wife)) forever but I am also a mom, a daughter, a sister, a woman... sometimes I even wished I could cry myself to death but I decided I am not giving up. I feel too this pain won't ever go away. I get up cause I don't want the memory of my beloved husband be a shadow of sadness but a light of love, with the help of the Lord, that is... I hope you find strength and courage and happiness. You're precious and worthy and there's still a life for you, and a purpose for it. This is my first time sharing... I am not sure, this is so delicate and emotions can be overwhelming I just don't mean to be insensitive at all. I have those days too and I just wanted to share a little hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 22, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted July 22, 2018 @Miye Thank you for sharing a positive message...sometimes it can be hard to find much positive in the early days/months, I've found we have to look for it. You are right that we are other things but the dominating one seemed to be wife to our husband and it can take years to find purpose again. We needn't worry about how long it takes to make our way through this, we have the rest of our lives, just keep going in the right direction, we get there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tamimi Posted July 22, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2018 8 hours ago, Miye said: I could use your same words to describe my amazing husband, I. Just lost him 5 months ago today. I've felt the same way and though it hurts deeply I've got to admit that my purpose in life is more than being his wife, I'll feel like (( his wife)) forever but I am also a mom, a daughter, a sister, a woman... sometimes I even wished I could cry myself to death but I decided I am not giving up. I feel too this pain won't ever go away. I get up cause I don't want the memory of my beloved husband be a shadow of sadness but a light of love, with the help of the Lord, that is... I hope you find strength and courage and happiness. You're precious and worthy and there's still a life for you, and a purpose for it. I will be at 5 months tomorrow. I will always be his wife and I try to go out and live my life to make him proud. I know he would be so sad to see me so unhappy. God has a plan for me, I have faith in that. But I have days, like today, where I just don't want to do this anymore. Its hard but I know I'll survive. I have 3 grown daughters and 2 young grandsons to live for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Miye Posted July 22, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2018 @KayC yes, is as you said, one day at a time... My children are very young and they need me so much, I try to focus on them but there's not a day I don't think of how much I miss him and how I wish he was still here with us. I joined because sometimes I feel like I don't belong nowhere. My friends are all married, I am on my 30's and I have trouble finding a place. I have read many of your posts and I find comfort them. Thank you KayC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Miye Posted July 22, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2018 @Tamimi I think that's how the path of faith works: don't matter how many times we fall we know we'll rise again. I feel too my husband wouldn't want me to be unhappy but he meant everything to me, it's difficult. I am glad you have your daughters and grandkids to live for. My two kids are my reason also. Blessings 3 hours ago, Tamimi said: I will be at 5 months tomorrow. I will always be his wife and I try to go out and live my life to make him proud. I know he would be so sad to see me so unhappy. God has a plan for me, I have faith in that. But I have days, like today, where I just don't want to do this anymore. Its hard but I know I'll survive. I have 3 grown daughters and 2 young grandsons to live for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 23, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted July 23, 2018 Miye and Tamimi, I'm glad you have your kids. I know it's hard raising them on your own, but they also are great incentive to keep going, a part of him with you, and will be fulfilling to you and your life. 19 hours ago, Miye said: I joined because sometimes I feel like I don't belong nowhere. For sure. We didn't meet until our forties, it seems it took our lives to find each other (we loved Travis Tritt's Drift off to Dream, we related to it), when we met, we clicked, we knew. We'd both been married before but nothing like what we had with each other. He just turned 51 when he died, we didn't expect it, we thought we had years and years left! Funny how you think you know how your life is going to go and one day everything changes in the blink of an eye and your world is turned upside down. My friends were all married too, all of my sisters still are, even though all but one is way older. Nothing fair about this, is there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Linda P Posted July 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 23, 2018 I have asked myself the same thing- What’s the point? Why am I still here? I don’t want to be here without my husband. I won’t do anything dumb. But I wish he’d come get me. We met later on life and only had 5 years together before Cancer took him. He was the light and love of my life, my true soulmate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 24, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted July 24, 2018 @Linda P We knew each other 6 1/2 years, married 3 years 8 months. Now he's been gone twice the time I knew him, it doesn't seem possible. But he impacted my life for good, and he'll always be part of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Claurb Posted July 28, 2018 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2018 There are many reasons to live. My husband of sixteen years dies oct 2017. We have a 14 years old boy. Many times I wondered why couldn't I be the one that died? It would have been easier for my son? Then I realized how lucky I am to be alive and see my son growing up, going through highschool drama, becoming an adult. And I know my husband would smile at the thought of me enjoying watching our son grow up. If that would be my only reason to live, I will take it and run with it. I don't need anything else. I can do this. My marriage gave me a foundation,thought me who I am. I can do this. Even on my own. I can do this. Also, my wonderful family and friends (that includes my family and his family). There has been no day taht I don't feel their love and support. And I want to honor that. I feel a responsibility and an accomplishment to make them proud every day. Some days are hard, some days are ok. But they lift me up and I am grateful. I will take their help. I can do this. Ourselves, the ones left behind are great reasons to live. It is not our time and we have choices. I chose to live. I am not the same and it's not the same life. But it's my life and I will embrace it. I still have a lot to give and day by day, minute by minute, I am doing it at my own pace. I make my own rules. I can do this. Because I want to live and I want to be me. Whoever I choose to be. You can do it!!!! You are not alone!!!!! We get it! We embrace it! We run with it. It's our life and life is precious! Many hugs!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 28, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted July 28, 2018 10 hours ago, Claurb said: I am not the same and it's not the same life. But it's my life and I will embrace it. Very true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.