Dad passed suddenly before walking me down the aisle on my wedding day

[Cgeisler1007]

Just moments before walking down the aisle (well the beach) on my wedding day my dad passed away. We were standing together alone waiting for our song to come on, just around the corner on the little boardwalk so guests and my future groom couldn't see us. We smiled at a few people as they walked by and I looked at my dad and said "can you believe it's taken us 29 years to get to this moment?" and he smiled, looked down, and then walked away several steps. He then leaned over on the railing and told me to call 911. He collapsed to the ground and a few people standing close by rushed over. I yelled for the DJ to get the attention of a family friend, a doctor, waiting on the beach to come help. I watched, feeling helpless for not knowing what if anything I could do to help. He had two seizures and then lost a pulse. At this point my older brother and mom came to the scene. When my doctor friend began to administer CPR my mom ushered my brother to take me to the clubhouse. My groom came up from the beach after learning the situation was serious and found me in the clubhouse. Cal me silly, but I didn't want him to see me in my dress before the wedding, despite the situation. We held hands from either side of the door. I cried a few tears but somehow managed to keep my s*** together and proceeded with the ceremony. My brother looked at me while we were steps from our dad and asked what he could do, if anything. I calmly looked at him and said "I need you to walk me down the aisle." He did. I went on with the ceremony and reception. I smiled and danced. After taking family photos my brother and his wife(who got married a month before) headed to the hospital after the ambulance. My mom followed soon after. I had no family at my reception. When they didn't come back I knew he had surely passed, although I was pretty confident he already had on the boardwalk. It was just confirmation. Just writing this, replaying what happened in my mind, fills me with emotion and brings tears to my eyes. He had gone into cardiac arrest. He'd been sick for months and had a stroke which impaired his vision almost completely in one eye. He had drastically changed his diet, was taking medication and monitoring his BP, and stopped drinking and smoking(pretty much). He would make mention of "I'm dying soon" but he could always been a little dramatic at times so I never thought he meant it. He never said whether doctors had supported that statement or disclosed the real severity of his health. His passing was a complete shock, especially because of the timing of it being as we were waiting to walk down the aisle. Something we had always talked about. I mean, how does that happen?!?! I've never heard of a father passing right in the moments before walking his daughter down the aisle! The fact that the loss was so sudden and unique in its timing has made the mourning and acceptance of it so much more difficult. He was 67. I had already experienced several anxiety/panic attacks due to stress with school(pre-med) but after his sudden passing, the frequency and severity increased to almost daily. Racing heartbeat, dizzyiness, chest pain, shortness of breath, feeling like you're going crazy or going to die. I went to the ER once and had a full workup done and another time at an urgent care facility. Both times they ran an EKG and did blood work, all of which came back completely healthy thankfully. They said it was stress. I started going to counseling (and still am) to help voice my feelings and gain coping skills(CBT treatment has been proven to help with anxiety/panic attacks). Anyway, I went on my honeymoon right away. I didn't want to ruin the time for my husband. The first day home I sat at my computer and started working on schoolwork(was taking biochemistry online). Oh and I had also been told a month before my wedding that my job position had been cut nationwide and my last day would be a week before my wedding. The wedding, and passing of my dad, was 10/7/17. It still haunts me. I have tried and am trying hard to work through and overcome the panic disorder and continue to grieve. I remember feeling just so exhausted for weeks even months after his passing. Some days I still do. I don't feel like my old self yet. I want to so much. I think witnessing something like that especially of a parent is haunting and traumatizing. I was working out generally 5 days a week before the wedding  and since then have little energy to do so(hello muffin top!). Anyway, just wanted to put my story out there. I've read a couple stories on here and think you all are so brave and beautiful. Pain is ugly but how we manage it and grow from it can be a beautiful journey. Sending love and hugs.

[reader]

Dear Cgeisler1007,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss.

Thank you for taking the time to share your short with us. Keep taking it moment by moment. Be kind and gentle with yourself during this very sad and difficult time.

Please know we are all with you.

Sending my thoughts and prayers.

[Cgeisler1007]

40 minutes ago, reader said:

Dear Cgeisler1007,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss.

Thank you for taking the time to share your short with us. Keep taking it moment by moment. Be kind and gentle with yourself during this very sad and difficult time.

Please know we are all with you.

Sending my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you so much <3 I just came across this site today and it's already adding comfort. Nice to know there are others out there coping with similar things so we can encourage and support each other. 

 

[Spoof]

I am so sorry for your loss, please accept my condolences.

Your story made me happy and so so sad. I pictured you and your dad on that beach and I don’t even know your face. I saw you hold hands with your soon-to-be so you could hold on to tradition in the midst of chaos and I don’t even know your love.

Your story taught me one thing, a thread that runs through it, Life Does Go On. 

You have beautiful memories of your Dad. I’m sorry he had such bad timing, but he has a beautiful daughter who grows stronger in his love and light every day. 

Thank you for sharing your story. 

Spoof’s Daughter (Diane)