Mom died - We worked together and I am supposed to be back this week..

[JPB1977]

My mother died very recently after a long, drawn-out battle with cervical cancer. She had surgery and we all thought she was better -- not completely out of the woods -- but better. Her hair was growing back and her spirits were up. The surgeons had told us that they 'got it all' and we remained optimistic, albeit cautiously. After some months she felt well enough and, despite being retirement age, she returned to work part-time, which eventually lead to full-time. Her and I worked together at a place she had been for almost fifty years. She was very good at her job and well respected.

Around six weeks post-return, things took a turn -- a bad one. Long story short, the cancer was back, and with a vengeance. It had metastasized extensively and the prognosis was terminal. They gave her three to six months, but she barely made two. She wanted to die at home, and so we had her master bedroom redone -- new flooring, paint, and all the comforts you could think of. We all knew what was coming, but it was still very surprising how fast she went downhill in her last three or four days. I remember laughing and joking with her on Tuesday and by Thursday night, she was delirious and confused. Mom was medicated for her comfort and by Friday morning she was unconscious and breathing agonally, oxygen mask in place. She remained in this state for many hours before finally succumbing, which I didn't agree with, but that's a whole other discussion.

I've been off for a week and was due back this week, but I'm struggling. We weren't especially close, but there were family dynamics and past events/incidents that are now left unresolved. My dad has been falling apart and we're trying to get him out of the house when we can actually persuade him. He is also dealing with a mentally ill, drug-addicted grandson who he can't say 'NO' to. This grandson actually had the audacity to take a cab to my fathers home FROM the funeral home while we were all there, break in, and steal the remainder of my mothers' medications. He had previously stolen a complete bottle of anxiety medication from their home while she was still alive. Who does that?

Apologies for the length, I'm rambling now. What I want to know is this..Is a return to work this soon good for me? I'm still trying to process a lot of thoughts and emotions while simultaneously grieving. I am dreading the thought of walking back in there and past her office each day and also the thought of keeping my emotions in check. I fear that the condolences I will receive at work will be like pouring vinegar on what is still a raw wound. Any advice from those who have been there?

 

[reader]

Dear JPB,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss.

Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. I was away from work for two weeks but if you have a supportive boss, try to take as much time as you feel you need. You've been through so much and it is a very raw time.

Thinking of you.