Dad died, mom is dating, strugglinf

[sb121966]

Hi. I need some help or advice or something. I am 23 years old. My step dad died 6 months ago. He was the only father figure I’ve ever known and we were very close. Now my mom is dating and she really wants me to meet her new boyfriend. She’s angry and frustrated with me because I don’t want to and I’m having a hard time forming my feeling of why I don’t want to into words. Idk how to explain to her how I’m feeling because I honestly don’t know, I just know I’m not ready to meet anyone but that answer doesn’t satisfy her. We are having a big family get together soon with lots of family coming from out of state that we hardly ever see and she said she wants both him and I to be there and she feels like I’m making her choose between him and me. I really just have no idea what to do at this point. I don’t know how to explain it to her but meeting him will not be good for my mental health. What should I do? If you have been in a similar situation how did you feel? How can I make her understand I’m not angry at her and I don’t want them to break up, I just don’t want to meet him? 

[Chriscross]

Hey I think you should give him a try! Just think about it, your mom could be depress but don't know how to deal with it & that guy can really be a great guy to your mom and he probably will be there for the two of you...just give him one chance because your mom could be dealing with greaving over your step dad but what if she's depress when she's alone? Maybe she just do need a friend ! Do you ask her questions about your stepdad? Do yu ask if she's ok after he pass? Ask more questions & pray! 

[Gracie101]

I completely understand this. I am 24, my mom died a month before my birthday when I was 23. 4 months ago. She died suddenly in a car accident. My parents were married 29 years and recently they separated which was extremely hard on our family (1 sister 1 brother). Dad got a new girlfriend, she moved into the home my parents raised my siblings and I in. He sleeps with her in the same bed my parents slept in for almost 30 years. My entire life. She redecorated everything. Not only did my mom die, but I have no childhood home to return to. It's so painful. My dad wanted to take this new woman to my moms funeral...It makes me sick. I can't hang out with the woman, even though she is very kind. i cannot talk to her, or see her, or think about her. It feels like I lost everything, everything i used to love. I live in another city now, and am going to college in Sacramento. I wish I had words of comfort for you, but the only thing I can say is I understand how you feel and I am feeling the same way. peace to you <3 

[Jane Matters]

My mom passed away and 6 nonths later dad was dating.. I had / have the same steuggles you are having but... My dad and I think alike. I actually came across a feed, its his. It explains thjbgs from where he is at. Take a look. http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/10742-autocharge-my-experience/&do=findComment&comment=146314

[Monte]

Hi sb,

When I encounter a difficult situation and can't find the words to articulate my emotions - I tell others that I need time to process what has happened and understand the impact it has had on various aspects of my life. It is when I have reached that stage of understanding, only then can I clearly see my position and make a decision on the direction to handle the situation.

It is like forcing a child to share his/her new toy when they have not had the chance to feel the possession of the toy.

How can I be expected to move on when I have not had the chance to grieve at my own pace? It is a journey that needs to be undertaken so that we can reach our own conclusions and grow as a fruit of that process.

Hope that helps with your conversation,

M.