ALL ON MY OWN

[LeannC45]

I am now at 6 months without my beautiful husband. I miss him so much and I feel so alone. When he passed away I had so much support from his family and friends. Now that has turned into no phone calls and no support. I am left to unravel some very important situations regarding our grandkids. I would normally discuss every decision with my husband and now I have to figure everything out on my own. I feel so vulnerable and I keep praying for the strength I need to move forward. It seems that there is one hurdle after another to get through.

[KayC]

Ahh, spoke too soon, here you are!  Was wondering where you were.  I'm sorry your support dried up, that seems to be how it goes.  It's like they either think we should be over it or they don't know what more to say/do?  Six months is when they say it's the hardest, shock has worn off, support is disappeared, reality sets in...hang in there, it will get better...not as in well, we know that will not happen, but we adjust little by little and begin to make a life for ourselves.  It took me years but it finally happened.  It doesn't mean we stop missing them or loving them though, that never happens!  And whenever something big happens in our lives, it's really hard to navigate it on our own, we want our husband there by our sides.

You have us.  I know it's not the same, but it's something at least.  I do know what you mean about one hurdle after another, that was the last 5-6 weeks for me, hopefully I'll get some respite and you too.  (((hugs)))

[LeannC45]

52 minutes ago, KayC said:

Ahh, spoke too soon, here you are!  Was wondering where you were.  I'm sorry your support dried up, that seems to be how it goes.  It's like they either think we should be over it or they don't know what more to say/do?  Six months is when they say it's the hardest, shock has worn off, support is disappeared, reality sets in...hang in there, it will get better...not as in well, we know that will not happen, but we adjust little by little and begin to make a life for ourselves.  It took me years but it finally happened.  It doesn't mean we stop missing them or loving them though, that never happens!  And whenever something big happens in our lives, it's really hard to navigate it on our own, we want our husband there by our sides.

You have us.  I know it's not the same, but it's something at least.  I do know what you mean about one hurdle after another, that was the last 5-6 weeks for me, hopefully I'll get some respite and you too.  (((hugs)))

Thank you so much for your response, I am very thankful for the support. Between this site and my therapist I am learning how to live one day at a time. I am even learning how to navigate my anxiety although sometimes I lose the battle I do have some wins under my belt. I think at 6 months you are right I understand now that my husband is really gone. I am still trying to find understanding in the actual loss and how life works all together. I do believe in God so I find myself wondering what everything even means. I know those are questions that I may/may not get answers to over my lifetime. 

[KayC]

I never got answers and finally quit asking, but oh how I understand the "why???"!

Anxiety is hard enough by itself, but add to it loss of this magnitude and it can go through the roof!  I still struggle with it.  I've learned that the middle of the night is my worst and things have a different perspective in the morning so I remind myself of that in the wee hours.  I'll give myself 1 1/2 - 2 hours to get back to sleep and if it doesn't happen, I get up, no sense torturing myself with my thoughts much longer than that!

I'm glad you have a therapist, anything that helps!