Death of Father

[Orangeburg]

This isn't really my story to tell but my boyfriend of almost a year and friend of 3 years lost his father when he was younger. 

He was 13 at the time, and it was about a month after his birthday. We don't talk much about it, but I know that he passed away in a motorcycle accident. It was so sudden, and he was so young. 

From his relationship with his mom, his dad was his best friend. She is the tough love and he was the gentle love. 

He talks a lot about how he hasn't been happy since then, and he's 20 now. There are some days that he just looks me in the eyes with so much sadness and tells me how he just wants to play baseball with his dad like they used to. And recently, he's pulled away from me because we're nearing the anniversary of his death in August.

I know that hes really depressed about it but he's not ready to accept that he should see someone about it. And he absolutely hated the idea of a therapist.

If anyone can tell me how they've been coping, that would really help. I just want the best for him, and I want him to happy because that's what he deserve. 

[reader]

Dear Orangeburg,

I'm sorry to hear about how your boyfriend has been feeling. You are incredibly thoughtful and kind. I know we all want to help our friends during sad times.

Even when surrounded by loving friends and family, the memories can be hard.

I can see why he doesn't want to be vulnerable and talk to a counsellor or therapist. But maybe gently suggest he join a Facebook or a forum like this one or read one of these websites for additional guidance:

What's Your Grief

 The Grief Healing Blog

Grief in Common

Tiny Buddha

Grief Recovery Method

GriefShare.Org

If he is receptive maybe a book on loss and grief might also help.

He could also try writing a letter to his dad to express all this thoughts and feelings. Or creating a tribute of some sort that is meaningful to him.

For myself. I like to visit my dad's gravesite and bring him flowers.

I know its a difficult time. But it sounds like you are doing everything you can to support him.

Take care.

 

[Bella W]

Dear Orangeburg, 

I am going through the same thing your boyfriend is. When I was 8 my dad died suddenly, I didn't get to say goodbye. 

I coped with this by going to a therapist, which I know your boyfriend isn't fond of. But I also talked about it with my best friend, Avalon. That really helped me get through it, having someone to talk to that you know well. I recommend that. I also recommend that he could write things about his father, like fun times they had together. Whenever I am thinking about my dad, I don't think about the day he died, I think about the happy times we had together. This helps me remember that even if my dad is gone, his memory isn't. 

I hoped this helped. Please feel free to message me if you need more advice.

Have a wonderful day ❤️

-Bella W