The pain won't go away

[mckennakathryn]

Every day the pain of losing my dad eats away at me. I'm losing motivation, I'm angry or sad all the time, and I don't know what to do. I have very few people that understand and that's hard. One of my roommates says she understands because she almost lost her father, but when I said she didn't understand she got mad at me. She can still call her dad to ask him questions or talk to him, she even complained when he showed up late to our move-in day. She barely lets me talk about it and it's so upsetting. They don't show any sympathy or support for me or what I'm going through. It's so hard to talk about because I feel like no one wants to hear me talk about it. I'm so miserable and I don't know what to do. 

[reader]

Dear Kathryn,

I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through.  I know its really tough. I know many of us have gone through the same thing with family and friends. Even my own family didn't want to hear me talk about my sadness. I had to seek out other supports. If you want to maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group in the community or through church. Please know we are with you and here to listen. There are many support groups on Facebook and I also found these websites helpful:

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Grief Healing Blog

GriefShare.Org

The Grief Recovery Method.

 

[Philippakay]

I lost my Dad in August last year, however I only found out his cause of death in March 2018 so it didn’t really sink in until then. My Dad was only 47 (I was 18) and I lost him a month before I started University. Believe me when I say I understand what you’re going through. I get so angry too, I think that’s one of the main things I feel at the moment. It sounds silly but people really don’t understand what you’re going through unless they have or are going through it themselves. Your roommate has no right to compare her situation to your loss, I think I would be very p*ssed off if she even tried to relate both the situations. I bottled a lot up when my Dad first died, tried to be strong, but I think it’s one of my biggest regrets now nearly a year down the line because it’s still lingering and I haven’t grieved properly, I got really depressed and I’ve ended up failing my first year at university, so I would defiantly say it’s best to let all your emotions out. Also, what kind of helped me because it made me feel closer to my Dad was watch the programs he liked to watch, or go to the places he liked to visit, listen to his favourite music, sometimes it made me sadder but a lot of the time it brought back so many happy memories, which I will warn you stings at first, but you learn to cope with it and it sort of turns into a good thing and not a bad. You can always feel free to talk to me, or just let all your thoughts out. 

 

Philippa x

[Gracie101]

No one understands unless they lost their mom or dad. It is so empty being around people who say they understand when they "almost lost someone" or "lost someone that was like a mom or dad to them" it's just not the same thing. Every day is a struggle since my mom died in March. All I can say is I am so sorry. There is a heart in the world aching alongside yours, and you are not alone. 

[Lovenlight]

To begin, I am sorry for your loss. I also recently lost my father. It sounds like your friend is speaking about almost losing her dad as a way of relating to you. As for not wanting to talk, personally I have found that people generally don't want to talk about it after the intial loss. And that is ok. While it may be comforting for you to talk about it, it needs to be with a willing audience. This unfortunately puts a boundry between us and other people who have not gone through it. For me, I know my dad would want me to live a happy and full life, so that's what I try to focus on. Try and make little goals each day to do something that will make you happy. I think the feeling of the loss never goes away, we just learn to live with our silent sorrow better as time goes on. 

All the best!