Letter to my Cat, Oreo - who was eaten by coyotes.

[Cheydin]

My squishy boy boy, 

I loved you. So much. You were the best cat ever. I was so lucky to have you the time we had and I was looking forward to at least ten years together. You made me go from hating you to loving you in four months. 

But you died. 

And it is my fault. 

Now your sister doesn't have her brother.

You see - I made a promise when I adopted you that I would not let you outside - ever. However, when we brought you home - after a few weeks - I felt a false sense of security. I thought the only danger was cars, and we lived on a private road. So we put a kitty door in the back door, let you have free access, and then brought you and your sister in at night time. This is how I thought people raised cats. It is how my mom did, my friends did, and random strangers on the internet. 

So even though I made a promise, I thought I knew better and broke that promise. 

The honeymoon phase of the indoor/outdoor cat didn't last long. We went on a two day camp out and consciously left the cat door open so you could have your freedom and not be cooped up inside while we were gone. 

According to the evidence that we found when we got back, the first night we were gone - you were eaten by a coyote. 
I am so sorry. My squishy boy boy. I am so sorry. 

I feel crippling sorrow and guilt. I am a terrible pet owner and not only did I fail you but I failed your sister. I failed the people that bottle fed you when you were a kitten. I failed my husband and my daughter who both loved you as well. 

If I had never lobbied for you to go outside, it would never have happened - and you would still be here - being squishy and my boy boy. 

I promised to give you a good life and through my carelessness your life ended before you were a year old. 

The sense of loss and guilt is overwhelming. I honestly don't know how to move on from this. I know I must, but your loss has left such a hole in your sister's life; I am constantly reminded of my terrible mistake. 

I'm just... sorry my kitty boy. I loved you so much. I wish i could take it back and start over. 
 

 

[KayC]

(((hugs)))  I think it's therapeutic to express your feelings.  He knows you love him and he's in a happy place now where nothing can hurt him.  Your beautiful cat.

[Cheydin]

Thank you KayC (hug) . I have bingeing these forums since the incident. Reading through all the posts about loss has helped be bear my pain and guilt.

[My buddy Thomas]

Cheydin, 

Thank you for your reply on my topic and I'm so very sorry for the loss of your gorgeous cat. 

It's been the same amount of time since my Thomas passed and I am feeling extreme guilt like you. However, from reading all of the stories here I have come to realise how easy hindsight is. The truth is we can't know the future and no matter what choices we make we will end up blaming ourselves if things go wrong. 

We don't have Coyotes in Ireland so maybe I'm not qualified to comment but I have had a cat killed by a car some years ago. However I would still never deny outside access to my cats. Cats are outside animals, at least in my experience they want to be outside. I have a friend that keeps his two cats inside permanently and they sit at the window looking outside longing to get out as if they are in jail. What kind of life is that? 

I hope you find this forum helpful as I have done. Everytime you feel down, come on here and get your feelings out and I will do the same. 

[Cheydin]

I appreciate your vote of confidence Thomas. I have kind, but a tad judgmental, neighbors who let me know how they felt about me letting my cats outdoors. 

Quote

"However I would still never deny outside access to my cats. Cats are outside animals, at least in my experience they want to be outside. I have a friend that keeps his two cats inside permanently and they sit at the window looking outside longing to get out as if they are in jail. What kind of life is that?"

I agree. Such a hard thing to know what to do. Inside cats live boring lives, outside cats live short ones. 

 

[KayC]

I know, what a choice, huh!  My daughter's cats are in a fourth story apartment, but they have a wrap around balcony they enjoy.  They are happy with their lives, Max she got as a kitten so he never knew any different.  Rick, she rescued from a family/situation where he was badly neglected and uncared for and he has transformed into this amazing beautiful cat under her care.  They are both happy.

But I live in the country and people bring their cats out into the country and dump them.  They are used to being on their own, fending for themselves, out in the wild.  They are not ferral, they want a home, want love, want cared for.  But to force them to stay inside all the time, I can't imagine their ever being satisfied with that.  They'd screech at the door incessantly until you let them out!  I had a hard enough time getting them used to not going outside at night.  I refuse to let them out at night, they came to understand when I said no I meant it and no amount of demanding will change it.  They knew when it got light I would let them out.  But even so, I lost Miss Mocha in broad daylight most likely to a cougar.  I despise cougars, I have lost two cats to them over the years and neighbors have lost theirs as well.  

Whatever our judgment call, we try to do the best we can for our animals.  

[Cheydin]

I tried to do my best. In hindsight, for my area, 100% should have kept him indoors.

Its almost been a week since I saw him last. I want my cat back. I've never grieved for an animal like this. 

[KayC]

Cheydin,

And chances are he would have snuck out, it's nearly impossible to keep a cat inside that wants out, believe me, I've tried, they get around your feet no matter how vigilant.

I know you want your cat back, this is the most painful thing we can ever have to go through.  Very hard to endure.  I'm so sorry.

[My buddy Thomas]

I agree.... Thomas had learned how to stand up, open the latch and push the window open.

It's been a week for me too. In fact it was exactly at this time last week that I took the decision to bring him in the car to the vet - a decision that proved fatal   :-(  

[Jack Russell]

THis feeling of guilt is absolutely terrible.  I too feel like I let my little Kelly down.  She was old, and instead of letting her just lie at home I thought I would have her taken out to meet other dogs and people.  What a mistake.  You think you are doing the right thing, but no it's a fatal mistake.  How could a small defenceless little dog, who just stayed by your side end up dying of severe injuries.  I keep telling her I am so sorry, so very sorry but it won't bring her back and I miss her so much.  My heart is aching as I will never see her again. I let her down. She didn't deserve to end her life in so much pain.  I have had moments where I have thought I literally cannot stand the pain of loosing her.  

[Cheydin]

KayC - yeah, I'm waiting for his sister to figure out how to escape now. She has been stripped of her outdoor access and she misses it terribly. I've resolved to get  her another feline companion at the end of the month and to put in a catio somewhere. 

Jack Russell - That is so hard.  You were trying to be proactive in your dog's life and give her social encounters. From the outside looking in, I see a great dog owner who got her doing to old age and continued to provide quality of life experiences. I'm really sorry she died in such a violent way during something that was suppose to be positive. 

[KayC]

@Jack Russell  I see it differently, YOU didn't let her down, someone else did.  We hire professionals to dog sit, to doctor our animals, and sometimes they don't do the job right, and we all suffer for it. That's their bad though, not yours.  I understand your feelings though.  Guilt is a hard thing to work through.  I hope you all read the articles I shared, they help explain it better than I can, the guilt we feel in our grief, why we feel it, how to get through it.

@My buddy Thomas  Your cat must have been tremendously smart!  I have a dog that is smart like that and I try to position my body between his eyes and the gate latch because I fear him figuring out how to open it!

@Cheydin  Perhaps another companion will help take her mind off the outdoors.  So hard to appease them with a change like that!

[Jack Russell]

Thank you KayC and Cheydin for your comments.  As much as I try to get it in my head that it is the dog minders fault as he didn't protect her I still feel guilty.  I will take this man to the small claims court and hopefully get a resolution.  He has received the letter I wrote but not heard a dickie bird. The fact that he tried to say she must of fallen of my sofa makes my blood boil.  He left her there for two and a half hours with those injuries before I came home from work.  He is not a dog lover but does the dog walking obviously as a meal ticket.  What I didn't take into account was the amount of dogs he took out at once.  I should of looked into the situation more fully. He had some lovely reviews on this website and I took it at face value, that is why I feel guilty.  I put her in that situation.  Nevertheless he should still have protected her.  I feel particularly bad today as I am in Twickenham and going to Wimbledon tomorrow. Under normal circumstances I would of loved it as I am tennis fan and this was arranged before she died. But I want to go home already and it is not fair to my friend to have to put up with me.  I am not finding any joy In anything at the moment as all I think about is Kelly.  I thought getting out of the house from grieving would be OK, but it's not.

[AJWCat]

Reading all the comments here my heart goes out to everyone. I was guilt ridden as well. For my part whatever it was. We all need to remember our intentions are and were totally pure. We, more than most, loved and adored our animals. How do I know? We are all here trying to figure out how to survive. I remember thinking after my cat died, a few days in, that if a heart could break, mine would. The world truly turned into a dark, sad place. So, be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve without guilt.  

[Jack Russell]

What a lovely thing to say AJWCat it has made me cry.

[My buddy Thomas]

@Jack Russell I just read your story, I am so terribly sorry for your loss of Kelly. What you did was a wonderful thing in trying to let her meet other dogs and add some joy to her life. You were badly let down and betrayed by a so called professional..... 

Please tell me you will pursue this with the dog minder - have you looked into your rights in this situation? Something obviously happened that he tried to pretend he had nothing to do with. 

I am also a tennis lover, please go along and try to enjoy Wimbledon tomorrow

[Jack Russell]

Thank you buddy Thomas as far as I can find out there are no laws regarding dog minders. They don't even need liability insurance.  We would assume a professional would but it is not compulsory.  I don't think he will reply to my letter so on Monday I will be making a claim to the court.  I don't assume I will win but it will sure as hell make him think how he looks after other dogs. But then again I might.   Thank you for saying enjoy Wimbledon but my heart is not in it.  I have also read your story as it is helpful to find others who are grieving  over their beloved animals as well.  Your beautiful cat looks adorable and I am so sorry that happened.  How we miss them.

[SpencerK]

Hello Jack my friend.

Just want to say, you are not alone - I'm sitting here in agony, my heart is hurting so much I want to run away screaming.  My house is so quiet, its awful.  Megs was 17 - a large tumour was "accidentally" found in his chest.  He was not the same in the last weeks though, but I thought it was down to his teeth, which he was going to get done.  It was only after they put him under and started doing his teeth did they notice something was up.

I watched him die with his head in my hands.  17 years with him licking my ears every morning, to nothing - to quietness.  So Jack, I empathise with you.

[KayC]

19 hours ago, Jack Russell said:

He is not a dog lover but does the dog walking obviously as a meal ticket.

If he does this for a living, he should have insurance, he is accountable for how he handles the animals.  So you think he took the dogs out for a walk and one of them attacked your dog?  Wow!  He should know the dogs he cares for and which ones would get along.  I know they can bring surprises we can't always foresee, but still, he owed it to you to tell the truth.  A dog falling off the couch...I've never heard of one getting injured that way!  It's not like it's a long ways to the ground!  And you'd take that full body, so it wouldn't hit just one part, it'd be spread all over, not likely to cause anything beyond a small bruise if that!  He's lying.

You had every reason to expect he would treat this like a professional and absolutely no reason to suspect your animal would be injured this way.  And for him to leave your animal injured and hurting without his getting emergency help and calling you, that's inexcusable!  I'd like to see him up on animal abuse charges and out of business!  I hope you've hit his Yelp rating hard!

[AJWCat]

It's a horrible thing no matter what but it would be nice if the guy would tell the truth for closure if nothing else. He is lying and he deserves to lose his biz for that. 

 

[Jack Russell]

Thank you KayC and AJWCat he has very good reviews and that is why I choose him.  My sister said I am a sucker and he could create his own.  But I am unsure whether to put anything on it as what would be the implications.  Do I have a right to do that at this stage or wait until we have been to court.  Comments would be appreciated.  I haven't had a reply from him yet saying I would take him to a small claim court so I will be doing exactly that on Monday.

[ebt]

I am so sorry for everyone’s losses. Losing a beloved pet in a sudden, traumatic situation is devastating. When I took my Snowball to the vet, I had no idea she was in kidney failure and that I would have to make a decision. The vet did offer to put an iv in her and send her home for a couple days to decide what to do. But, i couldn’t do that to her. She was in so much pain and hadn’t eaten anything in 24 hours. She became stressed when it came to car rides and I didn’t want to stress her out even more than she had already been, on top of the pain. I knew there was no point as you can’t stop kidney failure. I also knew in my heart that I had to let her go and rid her of her pain. Without the blood test, there was no way of knowing she was in kidney failure. I do feel guilty for not finding out sooner but kidney failure can’t be stopped.

[KayC]

Just be careful not to say something you can't prove, as long as it's the actual truth and not something surmised, you can't be sued for slander.  I put up a review of a doctor once, waited several months for my emotions to die down first, stuck to the facts, and Yelp disallowed it!  What, doctors are above reproach?!  This was a particularly bad one, I'd never go to her again, she needs her license revoked.  But if it makes it past Yelp, you should be good, plus if the person/company takes offense with it they can always ask you to remove it.  

[AJWCat]

I agree with KayC. If you share the facts unemotionally, this happened and then this happened and then the communication you have had from the guy since the passing - people can draw their own conclusions and take their own chances. 

[Jack Russell]

So far things are not looking good.  I had a letter back from the dog minder, not offering his liability insurance but saying he would seek legal advice.  I took myself off this morning to the citizens advice bureau to discuss taking him to a small claims court.  They have offered free half hour advice from a solicitor within the next five days. But they also said that the court would need proof. The fact that Kelly was OK in the morning and not when I came home from work isn't enough. Can you believe it.  It is still entirely up to me if I want to go down that road and take it to court though. I did ring the RSPCA as well this morning to lodge a complaint against him and they said they would investigate.  I don't hold much store with that either as all they will do is just pay him a visit.  I am outraged that my little Kelly died in his hands and there appears to be nothing I can do.  I did also find through Facebook a scenario just like Kelly's where he returned a dog with injuries to the owner and he said he didn't know how it happened,. I sent a message to this person asking if they could contact me. Can you believe our beloved pets appear to have no rights.  These people who look after our pets are not accountable to any one here in the uk.  So this man can get away with having no insurance and setting up a business dog minding.  I feel so upset for Kelly that she died in this way and for myself that I will not get closure.  They advised me at this stage not to put anything detrimental to his business on his website either.  I will have to wait now for a call from the solicitor. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry.  Here dogs are considered "property" which irritates me to no end, my dog is my baby, not a piece of property like an end table!  This guy should not get away with it.  The fact it's happened to someone else, before, does not bode well!  So are they saying you can't take him to a small claims court or report him?

[Jack Russell]

I spoke to the solicitor today and he did indeed confirm that I need proof.  But I have decided I am going ahead with the small claims court.  My little Kelly needs a voice.  I will not win but someone out there will be listening and may be some other dog might not get hurt. I also believe by doing this it will assist with the grieving process. How could I possibly just ignore what happened. I sat this evening with the little pot ashes on my lap, all I have left of my beautiful Kelly telling her how much I love and miss her, and I am so so sorry for having put her there.  I have to speak up for her.  Then when I have processed the claim I will put something on social media and his reviews.  I have to be careful with my words, not accusing but stating I am taking him to court.  Any one reading and thinking of taking their dog there I am sure will have second thoughts. It might ruin his business but that won't be my fault.  The blame is entirely his.  I gave him the opportunity in my letter to him to come clean. I know what happened.....Kelly was severely injured and as he didn't have insurance he left her in pain. I love you so much my beautiful little Kelly.

[KayC]

I think everything you said is entirely accurate and I'm glad you are doing this for your Kelly, for yourself.  She is a beautiful sweet dog and he should have done better by her.  I can't imagine what caused her injury to the point of death, his negligence, his disregard, I only hope you get some answers.  I hope they force him to explain himself.

[AJWCat]

Agree with KayC. I am so sorry. It is good you are doing this. You'd regret it and if you did not pursue now, when? And maybe you can save someone else in this process. Hopefully.