HOLIDAY BLUES

[LeannC45]

With the 4th of July coming up, my step daughter's birthday today and my son's 25th birthday on Monday, I am feeling very overwhelmed. I missed two days of work this week. I had a migraine and that pain brought up the pain in my soul. My husband loved the 4th of July and we have always made a big deal out of birthdays. I am closing in on 6 months of my husband being gone which scares me. How am I supposed to feel? Some days I feel alive and other times I feel like I am faking it just to make it through each day, each week, month. I don't know my heart hurts and I feel like I could cry at any moment. I cried quite a bit on the two days I was sick. I looked through my wedding album and held things that belonged to my husband. I miss him so much.

[LeannC45]

I knew I wasn't going to make it through today without losing it. The flood gates opened and I sat at my desk today and cried for about an hour and a half. No mascara left to speak of. I could feel my emotions building up and I had no control over my physical reaction. The depths of despair that I felt was scary. I have collected myself together enough to finish my day but I thought I was going to go home for a little bit there.

[KayC]

Leann,

I'm sorry it's so painful, I know it's hard to endure, to go through, but believe it or not, the tears are healing to allow ourselves to experience, it's like we have all this pure raw pain and have to let it out and give it voice.  I rarely cry on the outside anymore, instead it's more like there's a sadness I carry with me even when smiling, it's there, my companion, this grief.  We are no longer the same as before.  George and I had talked about what it'd be like and what if but you really can't have a clue until you're there.  We did come close to hitting the nail on the head, we knew we'd still talk to the other, maybe others would think us nuts, that part may be correct.