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The pain just gets worse


Pokie

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In January I lost my Grandfather. He was like a dad and my best friend. He had been sick for years with heart problems but he always pulled through. The issue that took him was all the medication he took finally caught up with him and killed his liver. He passed while I was at work. My mother and grandmother where with him but decided not to contact me as they where afraid something would happen to me on the way there. I found out when I got home that night. Fast forward to now. I still have the same nightmare each night. When I try to talk to my family they get mad at me and tell me men in our family don't greave or cry we keep going. Because of this I just stopped talking about it since no one seems to care. My grandmother never talks about him but I'm afraid she is going down the same road as she takes painkillers everyday for her back. To get away from it all I took a job that keeps me working 60 hours a week just so I can avoid thinking about it all. Trouble is all I can think about is him and wanting to do anything I can to get him back even if its just for a second just to say I love him. I know it wont happen but it seems to be the only thing keeping me going.

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Dear Pokie,

My deepest condolences and sympathies. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I hear where you are coming from because I felt that way too. Like I couldn't talk to my own family about my feelings and my sadness over this devastating loss. Please know you are not alone. If you can please try to seek out other supports in the community or through church. Find supportive friends or other family member who are more willing to talk. Join Facebook where are many grief groups and there is someone to respond almost 24/7 to any thoughts and feelings you might have.

Please know you are not alone. And it is only normal to have these raw feelings. One of my counsellors suggested to me writing a letter to my dad. Maybe you could write a letter to your grandfather. Tell him how you feel and how much you miss him. And how much you wanted to be there that day with him. I know I did too, but I had left for work.

Take care of yourself the best you can. Thinking of you.

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