lost my mama 4 months ago but very suddenly

[imshannontoo]

on Thursday March 8, i received a text message from my sister saying that she was taking my mama to the hospital for some stomach pains. so i told my sister to let me know what was going on. this is where it begins to get blurry. my sister texted me and said she was refusing treatment. all she wanted was some thing to help with the pain and they advised against her leaving but my sister took her home. all of this happened within about an hour and a half time period. i had messaged my kids and told them that their grandmother was being seen at the hospital. i always kept my kids in the loop when it concerned their gm. it seemed like i had just told them when my sister called hysterical saying she was dead. "Mom's dead! Mom's dead!" her being hysterical in turn made me hysterical. my youngest grandson comforted me. now i had to tell my kids. i called my oldest son, who just happened to be home and i said," Dustin she's dead. Your grandma died," he told me he had to go take a drug test for a job and he would be there ASAP. My youngest son couldnt get back to green bay as he was delivering furniture in Appleton. i called my daughter at her job and told her and she was the first to get to my house. she almost collapsed in my arms. i just held her. i dont remember what we said because it was just a blur. my oldest son got there and he collapsed to his knees and cried like a baby. watching a 6'4' 90% tattooed man reduced to a child is a horrible thing to watch. they got ready and left for florida immediately. then the insults began. the accusations. all of that. i was accused of being a thief and having some kind of agenda.all because i wanted to come to florida and sit in her bedroom. smell her pillow, look through her books. maybe see what other things my mama was interested   in besides just the bible. i was told that nobody would be going into that room until Ms. J decided to let people into it. well i find out that my sister and her daughters have already gone through and gotten what thet wanted, but i wasnt allowed to just go in and sit on her bed and smell the pillow that i had wanted in the first place. after her death, a sister that i hadnt even met yet paid for a ticket for me to go to florida but my sister told me i wasnt needed there. that they all work and there was nothing i could do.i told my sister that the ticket was non refundable but my sister did get a refund. my sister sent me the money to cover the ticket and my sister in las vegas told me to keep it since i had been treated so badly. 

i write small letters to my mama on face book and my sister says im weak and that i need to snap out of it. im tired of fighting with her about her way of grieving is different than mine. i love her but i mat have to cut her out of my life. havs anybody else had this happen to you.?

[sadandlost]

Dear imshannontoo,

I am very sorry for your loss.  Its a terrible shock.  Many of us have ugly family stories unfortunately.  It makes the loss even more unbearable.  Since my mothers death I am estranged from most of my family.  When I read other peoples stories I see its not just my family that turned ugly.  Its true that everyone deals with loss differently.  Grief makes you human.  Its impossible to snap out of it.  We are not meant to snap out of it.  Grief means you loved that person deeply.  It doesn't just go away.  I am so sorry for what you've been through.  Do what you need to do and grieve how you want to, its none of any ones business how you grieve.