Anxiety attack today

[LeannC45]

Today I had the worst panic attack, hopeless doom and gloom feeling. I had a million thoughts running through my head all at once and just an overwhelming sense of loss and desperation. Last week I felt myself start the week pretty good and as the week progressed I started turning inward with my thoughts of despair & the grand finale was today's panic attack. I am at work today and literally an hour flew by because I was so involved in thoughts of grief, loss and guilt over my husband. It is hard sometimes not to think of every scenario and imagine the what if's that would involve an outcome with him still being here. My husband and I use to discuss every decision and now every decision I have to make about him is all on my own. I want to know if I am doing what he would want but there is no way to know. I keep chanting to myself "HAVE FAITH NOT FEAR". Because when you find yourself alone after having a partner so long the world feels scary.I do finally feel better today but my morning was horrible and painful. At 5 1/2 months into my journey I have realized that my grief can come out of nowhere and knock me down.

[Jamiei]

I lost my boyfriend 5 months ago suddenly, I also started having panic attacks. They would come out of nowhere. I work for an airline and was boarding a flight today and just broke down! People say it gets easier but It has just gotten worse. I have to work but that’s all I can physically do. I don’t leave the house on my days off, it’s horrible I have cut myself off from everybody and everything!

[LeannC45]

2 hours ago, Jamiei said:

I lost my boyfriend 5 months ago suddenly, I also started having panic attacks. They would come out of nowhere. I work for an airline and was boarding a flight today and just broke down! People say it gets easier but It has just gotten worse. I have to work but that’s all I can physically do. I don’t leave the house on my days off, it’s horrible I have cut myself off from everybody and everything!

I am so sorry and I know exactly what you are going through. I felt so desperate and lost today. Wondering why my husband had to leave so soon. I send you hope for a better tomorrow. 

[KayC]

17 hours ago, LeannC45 said:

Today I had the worst panic attack, hopeless doom and gloom feeling. I had a million thoughts running through my head all at once and just an overwhelming sense of loss and desperation. Last week I felt myself start the week pretty good and as the week progressed I started turning inward with my thoughts of despair & the grand finale was today's panic attack. I am at work today and literally an hour flew by because I was so involved in thoughts of grief, loss and guilt over my husband. It is hard sometimes not to think of every scenario and imagine the what if's that would involve an outcome with him still being here. My husband and I use to discuss every decision and now every decision I have to make about him is all on my own. I want to know if I am doing what he would want but there is no way to know. I keep chanting to myself "HAVE FAITH NOT FEAR". Because when you find yourself alone after having a partner so long the world feels scary.I do finally feel better today but my morning was horrible and painful. At 5 1/2 months into my journey I have realized that my grief can come out of nowhere and knock me down.

I suffer GAD anyway and can relate to the panic attacks.  I've found that whenever I start thinking about the future (without George) panic would set in...I'd remind myself to come back to today and it would subside a lot.  I've learned to stay in this moment and it's helped a lot.  13 years later I still have to do that.

13 hours ago, Jamiei said:

People say it gets easier but It has just gotten worse.

It will get easier but sometimes it feels harder before it gets there, that's because the shock wears off, we have to go back to our jobs, our support dries up, and we're left alone to deal with the shambles of our life.  In time, you will begin to adjust, you will develop coping skills that will aid you, and it won't always remain in this intensity, but will be something you are better able to manage. I've learned to co-exist with my grief and it's much more manageable than it was in those earlier months/years.

[Jamiei]

Thank you I hope this is true...I try to hold it togeyher for my kids. I have a 21 year old daughter who loved him so very much. I know she’s grieving too, she says she lost Dewayne and feels like she lost her mom too, it breaks my heart I can’t be there for them right now! My 22 year old son who is also heartbroken has taken on the role of parent to us both! He’s done everything for us, he left college and moved in with me for 3 months, held me as I cried every night! I have always been there for my kids and can’t be right now and it adds to my heartache. 

[LeannC45]

8 hours ago, Jamiei said:

Thank you I hope this is true...I try to hold it togeyher for my kids. I have a 21 year old daughter who loved him so very much. I know she’s grieving too, she says she lost Dewayne and feels like she lost her mom too, it breaks my heart I can’t be there for them right now! My 22 year old son who is also heartbroken has taken on the role of parent to us both! He’s done everything for us, he left college and moved in with me for 3 months, held me as I cried every night! I have always been there for my kids and can’t be right now and it adds to my heartache. 

My 24 year old son was with me when my husband passed away. He tells me he thinks he has PTSD which I agree that he might. We are both having panic attacks and are fighting our way through grief. Thank God for our kids.

[JBSC01]

I would say for panic attacks and bad anxiety attacks, if you havent tried it already ask your doc about trying Ativan it will help calm you down, I does make you drowsy, also can be addictive so you only take it as needed. 

[Jamiei]

Yes I don’t know what I’d do without my kids... it sucks there going through this too! My son ended up with an ulcer and in the emergency room twice. We raised great sons though they are just worried about there moms.

[KayC]

I'm on Buspirone (brand name Buspar) because it's safe, will be on it the rest of my life, no side effects, doesn't change the brain or make you feel like a Zombie, non-addictive, it's more mild but feels like it takes the edge off and help me be more able to cope.  

I'm sorry your kids are feeling it too, I know my son did too when George died, he was in the Air Force and would wake up crying and start crying at work, he is not one to show emotions so this was new to him.  You'll all make it through this, it takes time to process this, it's tough.

[LeannC45]

Last weekend I took my son and his girlfriend out gold panning for his birthday. We walked through an old mine, hiked a little & then went out to eat in the quaint little town nearby. I can honestly say that it was the best day I have had since my husband passed away.  My anxiety was at bay for once and I felt like I could breath again. Of course when I sit still I can't help but wish my husband would have been there with us. All I can do is take little baby steps each day. 

[KayC]

Maybe he was, Leann, maybe he was.    I'm glad it was a good day!

[Jamiei]

I went hiking with my daughter in Colorado last week and it was so nice just to be outside and feel safe. When I’m with her we can sit and talk for hours and it helps so much. I’m trying to spend as much time with family as I can, it’s when I’m in our house that I feel so alone and heartbroken and sink into a recluse. 

[LeannC45]

10 minutes ago, Jamiei said:

I went hiking with my daughter in Colorado last week and it was so nice just to be outside and feel safe. When I’m with her we can sit and talk for hours and it helps so much. I’m trying to spend as much time with family as I can, it’s when I’m in our house that I feel so alone and heartbroken and sink into a recluse. 

Yes I find that I feel love for people even deeper. I have learned that you can lose someone at any time. Celebrate the people you love they are truly a gift.

[KayC]

It does change you.  We don't take life for granted anymore.  We do eventually adjust to being alone somewhat although there's times it's still really hard.

[JBSC01]

19 hours ago, LeannC45 said:

Yes I find that I feel love for people even deeper. I have learned that you can lose someone at any time. Celebrate the people you love they are truly a gift.

5 hours ago, KayC said:

It does change you.  We don't take life for granted anymore.  We do eventually adjust to being alone somewhat although there's times it's still really hard.

Enduring a loss of this immense magnitude definitely changes your perspective on everything I say now yes for sure I take nothing for granted anymore, cherish each and every moment you have with the ones you love. Anyone can be taken from us at anytime is the harsh reality. I used to take everything for granted and always thought dont worry theres always tomorrow, the lesson that tomorrow is never promised will knock you on your ass hard especially if your loss was sudden and unexpected.   

 

  

[KayC]

1 hour ago, JBSC01 said:

I take nothing for granted anymore, cherish each and every moment you have with the ones you love.

For sure, amen to that!

[LeannC45]

I am having a bad migraine today which has in turn brought my grief to the surface. I feel vulnerable and overwhelmed. Here I am not feeling well without my husband to wrap his arms around me and say everything will be alright. I am feeling sorry for myself. I know I will pull through but at this moment I am in pain.

[KayC]

Those are some of the times we have the hardest time...when we're vulnerable, overwhelmed, need their care.  Surgery,illness,  loss of job, things breaking down...those have been the harder times to make it through.  We so need and miss them!

It's okay to feel sorry for yourself, we all do (so long as we don't let ourselves get stuck there), consider all our arms wrapped around you, group hug, and I'm sure he's sending all his love your way, wanting to will you through this.  Sometimes I've wondered how they feel, wanting so much to be here for us...perhaps they know we'll make it through and have faith in us that we will.  Wish we could share that same faith even when everything seems down!

[LeannC45]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

Those are some of the times we have the hardest time...when we're vulnerable, overwhelmed, need their care.  Surgery,illness,  loss of job, things breaking down...those have been the harder times to make it through.  We so need and miss them!

It's okay to feel sorry for yourself, we all do (so long as we don't let ourselves get stuck there), consider all our arms wrapped around you, group hug, and I'm sure he's sending all his love your way, wanting to will you through this.  Sometimes I've wondered how they feel, wanting so much to be here for us...perhaps they know we'll make it through and have faith in us that we will.  Wish we could share that same faith even when everything seems down!

Thank you for your words KayC they really do bring me comfort. I am doing a little better this morning. I have a migraine hangover but nothing like yesterday. Group hug for all of us.

[KayC]