Members littlelukkreung Posted June 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted June 23, 2018 On the 24th of October 2017 I lost my oldest cat to suspected heart failure, he died in a very (seemingly) painful way. He passed away in my arms as we were rushing him to the vets. It was traumatic and the guilt has not subsided. Yesterday I had to take his brother (who is a few months younger, they both would have been 19 this year) to the vet due to a bloated tummy and weak hind legs, the vet explained that he either had multiple organ failure or cancer of the spine and given his age - they could do nothing. I held him, I told him I loved him.. I feel like I killed him. The vet kept reassuring me that he was in pain and he would suffer a drawn out death, but seeing the life drain from my little man. I can't stop crying, I feel so sick. Both of my cats have been with my for nearly my entire life. I'm 24 and now I don't know how to go about my day without them there? I fell asleep clutching both one of their toy penguins and their blanket and I can't put them down. I don't cope well with anything like this, I failed my eldest cat and I sent my other to death. I love them so much. He bled on the table after the injection and I had to clean his face, to get the blood off him. I can't bear the thought of his body on that table, he's coming home to me next in a casket like his brother. I don't know what to do, I have no coping mechanism, I just shut down and hide away. I'd give anything to have them back, I'm so lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 23, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted June 23, 2018 I will tell you the same thing I just said to someone else here...holding him here would be for you, letting him go was your act of love to him. I try to weigh the balance between quality of life and suffering when I decide to let one of my pets go, it's hard on you no matter when it is, but it can be the kindest thing we can do for them. To keep them here when we have no fix for them, no enjoyment left, nothing but suffering left for them, that would be selfish of us. We do our best making these judgment calls. You didn't send him to his death, you let him go to what is next so he could be in peace. I hope you will read these links, guilt is a part of our grief, it's common, we're trying to find another outcome, any way but this one because it's hard for us to assimilate. http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlelukkreung Posted June 23, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted June 23, 2018 I am very grateful for those links. Thank you for sharing them. Yes my family keep reminded me, that he was in pain and he deserved a peaceful goodbye. I'm just terrified that he thought I was betraying him :/ I know my thoughts are my own worst enemy right now./ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 24, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted June 24, 2018 Oh Hon, he didn't know what was going on. As far as they know, they're just feeling sleepy. He'll awaken in heaven and won't be afraid, he'll be at peace and enjoying himself, until you can be with him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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