My Person is gone :(

[Tracy0523]

I don't even know the words to use to explain my sadness, all I know is that it is so surreal and overwhelming. I cannot believe he is gone:( Mother's day May 13, 2018 is the day my world came crashing down. He was only 35 and we had so much life together to live, now I am without him and our future was stolen from me. I miss him so much and days are hard, I wear his clothes, smell his cream he would wear after his showers, listen to his voice and look at pictures and all I want is for him to come walking through the door like he did every day after work and come give me a kiss. He was my person and I was his, the love we have truly is one of a kind and he adored me. I miss the hot baths he would run for me when I was sick or just having a bad day, hand written letters from him was a regular thing, cards just because was also his thing and flowers, he always picked or bought me flowers and made sure each day to tell me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was and how I complete him.....I just miss all of him so much, he wasn't supposed to leave me. I have had tons of signs from him, he let's me know he is here but I just want his arms around me. I just am so lost and don't know how to get through the days.

[KayC]

Beautiful picture, it breaks my heart to see someone else going through this.  My world as I knew it ended June 19, 2005, yours just last month.  It's still hard for me to comprehend how this can be.  13 years this month and It still seems surreal.  But it is, I have to wait to be with him again, 13 years down, how many to go?  

One thing I know is that our love continues, and so does yours.  Nothing, not even death can stop that!

[Jackiag862]

I’m so so sorry. I lost my boyfriend on May 7th so it’s only been like 5 1/2 weeks. I don’t understand how this happens and why they are taken from us. My boyfriend was only 40 and it’s just not supposed to be this way. We were so excited about our future together. I know exactly how you feel because my boyfriend and I were crazy in love. Like the most amazing, understanding, didn’t think it existed love. He is my soulmate. And I’m sorry you lost yours. It’s been close to the same amount of time for me and you so I’m sure I can’t give much advice. But I know that I still can’t believe this happened. It just like won’t sink in. I just think about everything about him. His laugh, his skin, how he could never find his phone or keys, his arms, the way we looked at each other. He’s my baby. It’s not fair. Nothing is fair about it.  I pray that all of us can find hope and comfort and someday maybe some peace. 

[JBSC01]

Unfortunately I know how it feels. I too lost the love of my life, my best friend, future wife unexpectedly at the prime of her/our lives at only 34. This is soo exhausting 24/7. She had soo much more living to do and goals to accomplish for herself and we as a couple had soo many years left together and milestones to hit, like getting married, having kids, buying a house with a pool and dogs, traveling etc.. and now thats all gone, ripped away. I constantly ask WHY? and repeat nooo, nooo, noooo, and this cant be real. How can she just be gone?!! i dont get it, it doesn't make sense, this is not how things were supposed to happen.

The pain, the longing, the missing is her, is so strong and constant. She was so beautiful, young, precious, smart, funny, loving,  how can this happen to her, to me, to us, its not fair. How can the perfect someone for you, your true love, someone you create a bond stronger than anything with get put into our lives, just to be ripped away?!   

I feel so empty, broken, defeated, that i just want to give up and throw in the towel but i know i cant, somehow, someway gotta crawl, then limp, and walk to the finish line. 

I dont have much advice on how to cope or move forward because i have no idea myself.  I'm only only 2 months in and i'm totally lost, hurting so bad, going crazy, screwed up. All i can say is like everyone says, one day at a time, min, sec, breath whatever, and just move in a forward direction no more how hard or impossible it feels because it does. What other choice do we have besides killing ourselves which I know we've all thought of many times but would never do because we know that thats not a good or proper solution.

The little advice i can give is to get support anyway you can, from forums like these, to talking to friends and family even though they dont truly understand they can offer an ear and a hug which often provides a little comfort at least, and then theres the professional help through grief support groups, and one on one grief counselling. Try not to isolate too much, sometimes we need to and thats ok, but not too much, theres a good balance i think.. And definitely dont hold your feelings in for too long, there will be times when we need to hold it in like I do when i'm at work or in public, but as soon as I get in the car and drive home all i do is scream and cry. Same as when i wake up in the morning hoping it was all just a nightmare and then realizing its real I will scream into the pillow and cry til I cant anymore. So let it out whenever, however, cry, scream, talk about feelings to anyone that will listen. If someone asks how are you say your shitty, or if its a stranger say im just getting by, for me personally I'm not going to lie and say i'm OK or fine when im not and seemingly never will be again. 

[Glolilly]

This is so raw and fresh for you right now. You should try to make sure you  get plenty of rest, fruits and vegetables and water. You may need to have medication prescribed if your doctor suggests it. You may be in shock for a couple of months, I was. I went around smelling his clothes a lot and I would think he was in the room with me, visiting or popping in to console me. I told my two college sons that a lot. But looking back now, I think or I know it was part of grieving him. Whew, I've really come a long ways, with the help of friends calling me alot at first, some home visits to my sons and myself, going to church, praying a lot, resting, working. Yes, I thank God for helping me along this journey that I would not want to face alone.

But you mention pictures and videos. I think I overdid that at the beginning and seemed like he was still alive. Now I look at them maybe 2-3 times a week instead of 5-6 times a day. I got off track with some Grief Websites stating their loved ones dropped feathers on sidewalks or electricity flickered, that wasn't logical or realistic to me. I think those things would have hindered my progress even though it was comfort-sounding at first. For me, not staring at our couple pictures was helpful but I can look at them now briefly without feeling deeply sad. I can now smile a little at them. I couldn't attend groups because of my work schedule so I ordered books and got to know this great website. I praise and cry in church less frequently now. It is good to hear others saying it can get better. Praying Blessings your way!