Lost our family cat to coyotes

[Julia.]

Im not sure how I didn't know about this site. I lost my mom 5 years ago and still don't know how to process that pain and grief. 

I have always been a crazy cat person, but thought after becoming a mother and surviving the terrible loss of my mom to cancer, for some reason I would have the strength to process the loss of one of our cats a little better. 

This year has been really tough in the cat department of our family. After my mom had passed in 2013, I moved her cat in with us. He is the kindest (and neediest) cat around. Unfortunately, in his old age he started going to the bathroom around the house, naturally I took him to the vet to see what the problem was, and it was one of those things they couldn't pin point. They prescribed medications, ran tests, you name it. It got to the point where it was a health hazard for the kids (toddler and preschool age). I finally came to piece with the fact that he probably was also in pain (he was becoming less and less active and we were finding trace amounts of blood around the house) and it was the right time to put him down. ....only to be told by the vet that I would be putting a completely healthy cat down. Jack (our cat's name), had been an outdoor cat years ago. We ended up purchasing a heated, padded, cat house, created a nice set up, and migrated him to our back yard. He wasn't thrilled, but grew content. We spend a lot of time in the back, and still spend the same amount of time with him. He still to this day remains in the back yard, never leaves, and sleeps safely in his house at night. BUT, while this transition was taking place, there was our other younger indoor cat, Ringo who DESPERATELY wanted to go outside too. Ringo was a beautiful, moody, feisty sealpoint siamese. He was the cat my (dog loving, not a huge fan of cat) husband brought home 8 years ago to propose (hence the name RINGo). We loved this cat more than you know, but with that being said, there were times he made it super hard! He hissed, scratched, clawed at all of us when he was in a "mood", and then sweet as pie the next minute. 

So moving on, remembering back to a time that Ringo snuck out for almost a week and returned safely, we decided to let him out for short periods of time. After letting him out for a couple weeks, he was a changed cat - SO much happier. Chasing (and sometimes killing) lizards, running around our yard, the neighbors yards...his favorite activity was creeping up behind our neighbor while he was working on his car, then suddenly and very viscously hissing and growling (almost giving the poor guy a heart attack), then playfully running off. (and don't worry, he's a cat person as well, and found this very amusing). We had concerns about his "street smarts", being an outdoor cat for most of his life, but we finally decided, it wasn't fair to keep him trapped indoors if letting him out made him happy. If something happened, we knew he at least was living a happier life.

With that all being said, he still had his moments. He had a knack for waking everyone up early in the morning after a rough night up with the kids or after they finally fell asleep for a nap. He loved to sneak into my office, eat my plants, and destroy sketches for work (I was stupid enough to leave the door open). Or worse, if he wanted out and we hadn't noticed, he would get our attention by scarring the kids. (I know I sound crazy, but he was a very smart cat). 

So, last Wednesday evening, I realized I hadn't seen him for most of the day. He usually would come and go. I'm not even sure why I was that worried since he had taken off for days at a time before and returned. Since it was getting late, my husband and I looked for him, called for him, and then decided he would probably be fine and return the next morning as he has done before. I wish more than anything I had gone out and looked harder, called more, because if we did, we would have been able to bring him safely inside. As days passed, we told the kids he was just out and about and would find his way home soon. I posted flyers, visited the local shelter, we called animal control, nothing. On Tuesday night, my husband approached me with the most dreadful news. We had talked to almost everyone in our neighborhood, but somehow missed our neighbors directly across the street from us. The Wednesday night/early Thursday morning (the night I should have looked harder for Ringo), they heard a loud and disturbing scuffle between two animals outside their window. First thing the next morning, they discovered just a few of Ringo's remains. 

I can't stop thinking about what I should have done, how I should have shown Ringo more love the last few months, and been more aware of his whereabouts. I had gotten caught up in my own matters (trying to meet deadlines, care for the kids, etc), that I had started to forget about him! He was a part of our family, and relied on us for care and protection. And now thanks to me, our fur baby was killed and eaten steps from our bedroom window. The pain is unbelievable. I even started crying during a work call (wtf!?). And whats worse, we can't decide what we are going to tell our two and four year old, who both keep asking "where's Ringo?".

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I know you're feeling a lot of guilt and beating yourself up over the "what ifs", that is a normal part of grief.  

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

I hope you read these articles and take what they say to heart.

I lost my Miss Mocha June 3 two years ago.  She looked a lot like your Ringo but with a lighter face, I believe she had some Siamese in her, she had blue eyes and her gorgeous fur was a telltale sign of Siamese, but she had the tiniest little feminine voice that was not Siamese.  She had the sweetest disposition and is a complete opposite of my Kitty, who is 23 and still with me.  Miss Mocha came to me a few months after my husband died, I didn't know how old she was but she'd had at least one litter of kittens and been spayed, so maybe 2, maybe 6, who knows.  I got to have her 10 1/2 years and she was in great health.  One day she disappeared, never to be seen again.  I put it on FB, put up flyers, asked neighbors, no one saw or heard anything.  I myself was outside working all day and never heard a thing.  I think a cougar got her, they are very quick and the animal doesn't have time to know what hit them, so when a cougar gets an animal, you don't usually hear anything, they take them from behind, and they go into shock, and don't have a chance to respond.  I never found any remains.  I know this, she never would have run away, she loved her home, she chose to live here!  Nor did she crawl off to die, she wasn't arthritic, her teeth were good, she was in great health, never had any problems.

I know Jackson (My Cat From Hell) says to make them indoor cats for their safety.  If you adopt a cat when they're a kitten, perhaps you can do that, but I've adopted older cats that have already had their way of life, outdoors, and they never would have been happy as merely indoor cats.  They would torture you to death with their incessant meowing at the door to be let out!  And cats can be very persistent.  They would have found a way to sneak outside first chance and would have been hesitant to come back in if they thought it meant imprisonment.  

I know this, Miss Mocha had a very good life, she was very happy with me and my other animals, I have nothing to feel bad about.  Yes, I wish I could have averted whatever happened to her that day.  My heart bleeds for her, I've asked myself, did she know, did she feel pain?  If it was a cougar, I'm pretty sure she didn't.  I walked my forest and never found any sign of anything, which is another indicator it was probably cougar because they usually carry their prey off until they safely away and then do what they're after.

It is hard being the one left and imagining all sorts of things, I think our imagination can conjure up worse images than anything that happened, if possible.  We beat ourselves up, ask ourselves what if I'd done this or that different.  I had no way of knowing on that ordinary day that anything would happen.  I didn't know when I was doing yard work that my little girl had disappeared.  It wasn't until nightfall when I began to worry.  I kept checking the patio door to see if she'd shown up yet.  I couldn't sleep.  I called her and called her.  It's a horrible feeling to lose your little girl.

I can relate so much to what you wrote.  Try to console yourself with the fact that you gave Ringo a very good life, you loved each other.  Our loss is heavy, it's hard, but I pray you find some comfort and peace in the days ahead.  You are not alone.

[Etc]

I am so sorry for you and your family.  Lost mine a week and a half ago to coyotes and still go through periods of sadness and anger.   I think having a pet taken like this is the worst.  It feels like there is no closure,  no chance to say goodbye.  Don't be embarrassed by how you feel,  I'm a 51 year old law enforcement officer and I still cry a few times a day.  Coming to this forum and seeing that my feelings are validated helped,  I hope it helps you and your family. 

[AJWCat]

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree w/ KayC, focus on the wonderful life that you gave to Ringo. the life that as you detailed, he really wanted. I know you still feel guilty - you do the best you can at the time with what you know. I wish I could say something that would speed your healing. It's just so painful and there is no way around it besides grieving, and going through a lot of emotions: helplessness/hopelessness, guilt, anger, sadness - finally slowly coming to a sort of acceptance. 

[Julia.]

That you all so so much for your kind responses. It's comforting to connect with those who are going though similar losses, but saddens me that you three have experienced this as well.

Unfortunately, since I originally posted, our second elder outdoor cat became a victim to the coyotes as well. (and our neighbor's cat) If hearing about what had happened to Ringo from my husband wasn't enough, this time I found Jacks remains myself. I was just coming to grips with what had happened to Ringo, and spending extra time with Jack was my one comfort - I don't know how to bare this second loss less than two weeks from Ringo. I've had cats my entire life and had never experienced this (and I grew up in the mountains with two outdoor cats). 

Thank you again for responding and sharing your experiences. My thoughts are with you all.

 

[KayC]

Having adopted adult cats that had already experienced being on their own, outdoors, I knew they would not be happy kept confined to a house.  But if one adopts a kitten, they can make them a house cat so they don't encounter the dangers outdoors.  My daughter has an upstairs apt. with a wrap around balcony, and her cats go out of the balcony for fresh air, their scratching post, love getting into the potted plants, but they don't have to contend with coyotes and cougars, seems a nice place for cats.  I wish I didn't have to worry about the wild like you do, my cat is 23 and I worry about her when she goes outside.  I also know she would not accept being merely in the house, she lived too much of her life on her own.

You gave your cats the best life you could and I'm sure they enjoyed that.  I'm sorry for the second loss, it had to be stunning to face this so soon after the other one. 

[AJWCat]

Oh my goodness, how awful! Clearly they have taken over your neighborhood. Maybe the time of year? There have been so many attacks lately. I am really sorry for your loss of Jack too. I wish there were something to say except my heart goes out to you.   

[Sbrnakss]

I realize this is a cat thread but I just lost my dog to coyotes last night. I don’t know how to feel. I have never experienced grief like this. My cat perished from a coyote attack 8 years ago and sadly last night it happened again. I feel so helpless and guilty and I feel like I’m not going to recover. I have several fur babies. I currently have dogs, cats, ferrets, snakes and two amazing little primates. I have lost quite a few pets in my day. My heart is huge and critters are my life. That’s being said this is the first time a passing feels so debilitating. 

The just of the incident is I let the pack out to night time potty. Typically they are not unsupervised. This time, my husband was on his way home and I was alone. I let them out for a minute and went to switch the laundry came back to let the last one out and that’s when I heard the final moments of her life. I quickly scurried the troop back inside did a quick headcount, grabbed my gun and realized it was my Dappy that was taken. I heard her crying, I called her name and hopped the fence but it was too late. The backyard sits on a golf course and coyotes are known to meander through. Now I know grabbing my gun was not ideal but I had no intentions to shoot blindly NONE AT ALL, and I grabbed it because it has a very bright flashlight at the end. My daughter and I spent the next hour searching the golf course for her but she was gone. The neighbors across the course said they heard the attack and then it just went silent. She was a little terrier/chihuahua mix with a huge personality. I keep replaying her screams over and over and I feel truly sick to my stomach. I’ve never felt this ill over a loss and I’ve been pretty beside myself with certain deaths. I have two in particular and I was devastated but never felt this way. I watched my father take his final breaths and I wasn’t this broken. I also didn’t realize how big an impact she has on me. I realize this just happened but I’m truly beside myself. 

I never thought to reach out to support groups and forums. This is absolutely a first. Thank you all for sharing your experiences as painful as they are.

Sincerely,

Broken Hearted

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry!  That must have been truly horrific, to hear her cries for help and not be able to help her.  I know there's nothing you can do about what happened, but to prevent things like this from happening in the future, could you have a small fence put up they can do their business in before they go to sleep, something the coyotes can't scale?  I hired someone to put up a fence enclosure in part of my front yard, excluding the circular driveway, and a gate, and it only cost $500, worth every penny so my dog can lay on the front porch or go into the yard.  A cougar could jump it but it's rare a cougar would enter the north section of the house, never seen one there in 41 years, but they have been sighted in the back woods.  I fight with my cat every night when she wants outside and I won't let her.  Right now there is a family of skunks in the back yard, can't get them to leave, don't want her sprayed.  She doesn't understand.

I hope these articles will be of comfort to you, sometimes it's hard being the parent of a dog or cat and losing them.

A quote from https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-coping-with-moment-of-death.html :

"When someone we love dearly has died, it is only natural for us to think of all the things we could have, would have, or should have done differently. We are our own worst critics, and it is only human to want to go back and re-do whatever we think we’ve done wrong. Unfortunately, whether it is justified or not, guilt is one of the most common reactions in grief."

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

[Cheydin]

Thank you for this post. 

I am dealing with losing my 9 month old cat to coyotes as well. Like you, I have been surrounded by indoor/outdoor cats my entire life and it never occurred to me coyotes would be a threat. I feel so foolish now, but at the time, I honestly didn't know.

Sbarnkass, thank you for your story. The first night I let my cat have free access at night he died.  I can relate to you in that way.

I'm hoping I can find my way out of this grief and guilt. 

Picture of my Oreo, my squishy boy boy. 

[AJWCat]

My heart breaks for you. All these coyote attacks lately are being shared.  It's crazy. These first few days with such a trauma are unlike anything... I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Time does heal. Hopefully you can find some comfort here knowing we are all dealing with these losses. You are not alone in grief - again, so sorry. 

 

[KayC]

Here I haven't seen the coyotes come in so far to civilization, they usually stop before the houses, but it's not all that far from them, maybe a couple of miles.  But we have cougars and they are relentless, they take large deer down!  They would attack a human if hungry, they have no problem taking dogs or cats.  I wish they'd open season on them, I can't help but feel that less cougars would be a good thing.  I've had bears on my property and they don't bother anyone, they stick to plants, berries.  But these cougar and coyotes are menacing!